Vampires Don’t Plan for the Future


So say you’re a vampire. You’ve taken over the planet, and have hooked up a pile of humans into blood harvesting machine like a slightly more sensible version of the Matrix battery deal. It might not occur to you immediately, but as the human dies and the blood stop flowing, it’s pretty obvious that this is not a sustainable process, right? You need more humans to keep your little vampire society going, right?

Right, but this apparently does not occur to the vampires of the new movie Daybreakers until the 11th hour, leaving them scrambling for some kind of blood substitute. Which provides an ample opportunity for the remnants of humanity in general and Willem Dafoe in particular to fuck some vampire shit up. I’m having a hard time believing this is going to be good, exactly, but I will always watch Willem Dafoe hunt vampires. After all, he’s the guy with the crossbow.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.