Asteroids to Become a Movie, End Times Upon Us
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I normally don’t do this, but with the announcement that Universal won the rights to make a feature film based on the classic videogame Asteroids — and by classic I mean impossibly shallow — in a goddamn bidding war with three other studios (!), I’m just going to quote FilmDrunk, because he said it better than I could.
A F*CKING BIDDING WAR. For a movie based on three dots that shoot one
dot at other small clusters of dots. If you can think of anything
stupider than this… someone in Hollywood will pay you a lot of money.
GREAT NEWS, EVERYONE, TOM CRUISE JUST SIGNED ON TO PLAY BLINKING LIGHT NUMBER FOUR! SOMEONE FINGER MY ASSHOLE SO I KNOW I’M NOT DREAMING!
These are the end times, my friends. It’s all downhill from here. By which I mean someone’s eventually going to make a movie of Oink!.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.