BREAKING! The G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra Movie Game Sucks Horribly

I’m not one to post other people’s reviews, but I thought this Gametrailers review of the G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra videogame was important, because it featured the first instance of the new Cobra Commander screaming “COOOOOBRRAAAAAA!” Then I checked out IMDB, and discovered the gamemakers were too cheap to hire any of the actors from the film to voice their characters — yes, they could not afford Marlon Wayans — so this isn’t Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It might be some dude hired to sound like Joseph-Gordon Levitt, so maybe it’s indicative of how Joseph-Gordon-Levitt will sound in the film. So maybe it’s noteworthy that way.

Of course, there’s always the possibility that I’m just a horrible dick, and because of Paramount’s cherry-picking of the planet’s least demanding reviewers prior to the film’s release, I just hate the G.I. Joe movie more in consequence and revel in any of its failures, of which the movie game is clearly one. And watching the review and seeing the game fail on every conceivable level is delicious to me, and warms my bitter black heart.

One of the two.