The New Metal Gear Solid Game Is Goofy Beyond Words

I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe that the title of this PSP game is “Peace Walker,” which is even goofier than “Snake Eater.” Maybe that at the the bgeinning, Solid Snake is shot down by — a helicopter? Something? — and he’s rescued by another Solid Snake, who heals his many bullet and missile wounds with CPR (just the chest half, and not the mouth-to-mouth half, thank god). Or how the two Snakes team up to infilitrate some base, on one Snake always has to be touching the other Snake. Or how when one Snake gets in the trademark cardboard box, it appears to be a box of pornography (Boner Jamz ’97!). Or maybe when they both get in the porn box and crawl around. Or when two more Snakes show up to help them take out a tank. Or maybe the end, which is the goofiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t know. I just don’t know.