Tom Hanks Makes His Attack Roll


…but he fails his Saving Throw Against Being Fucking Insane. Above is a clip from an early Hanks movie called Mazes and Monsters, which cheerfully illustrated how Dungeons & Dragons-type games inevitably drive kids insane, and makes them kill, er… innocent thugs who are only trying to mug them. Almost all the other clips from the film are this wonderfully stupid, although the movie does culminate with Hanks trying to get to the World Trade Center so he can jump off it, because he thinks it’s some kind of magic tower or something. Good thing his friends care enough to stop him. My friends would still be arguing about how to divvy up my loot, the bastards.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.