? As several million of you have noted and emailed to me today, George Lucas has managed to discover another exciting new way to shill the Star Wars brand by allowing the French fast food chain Quick to create the above Jedi, Dark and Dark Vador Burgers. What you see in the above ads are what we know about them — the Vador Burger has a black bun, the Dark Burger has a reddish bun, and the Jedi Burger has some gross green shit on it that might be marshmallows or avocado pieces in mayonnaise or something. I may sound bitter, but I honestly don’t care about these. They’re fun, or they would be if they weren’t so disgusting looking. At any rate they’re in France, so the chances of me being forced to eat one is close to nil. But that’s not all!
There’s also this new Star Wars commercial for Brisk Iced Tea, too. You might think it’s an innocent, albeit kind of dumb, commercial for a soft drink that is almost entirely unlike tea, and I’d agree with you there, too. But it also raises a question: George, if you’re going to allow this kind of nonsense, why not release the fucking Holiday Special? Seriously. Sure, the Holiday Special is a worse (much worse) product, but please don’t pretend there’s some kind of fine line of integrity between approving a claymated, encephalitic Darth Maul to play Wile E. Coyote with his lightsaber and finally putting Bea Arthur’s cantina song on DVD.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.