Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Castlevania Slot Machine

I know I said I wanted to find something scarring for this week’s STJT, but I saw this and just had to show you guys. It’s obviously not a regular Castlevania product, and it’s certainly not a typical slot machine, or I wouldn’t have bothered. First of all, it is a slot machine that actually goes through a Castlevania story. How this happens I have no idea. I mean, you can’t possibly progress though winning slot combinations, can you? You’d have to pump in god knows how much money per screen — sure, it’s not much different than old arcadde games like Dragon’s Lair, but at least then we had a 1-in-4 chance of moving on. A slot machine would be like, what, 1-in-10? 1-in-20?

Furthermore, it really is a Castlevania game. You fight Dracula, you fight the Grim Reaper, I saw Medusa for a minute, it’s crazy. Do you have to get a triple-BAR or something to beat the bosses? And why does so much more awesome than every single 3-D Castlevania game Konami has ever put out? And what’s the deal with the cleavage and panty shots (besides, you know, Japan)? Are they something you win? Are they a slot combination?

Man, if Vegas was smart, they’d import a few of these Japanese slot machines over ASAP; nerds would flood into the city to play ’em. I’m no gambler, but I’m dying to know what the fuck is going in this thing, and I’d spend at least $20 trying to find out.