TV

Fox Ready to Air, Fail to Promote, and Immediately Cancel U.S. Version of Torchwood

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?FOX. NO. FUCK FUCKING NO. From THR:

Exclusive: Huge news for sci-fi fans: Fox is developing a stateside version of the U.K. hit series “Torchwood.” The project is from BBC Worldwide Prods., with original series creator Russell Davies writing the script.

A
more straight-faced spinoff of “Doctor Who,” “Torchwood” is about a
covert group that investigates and fights alien activity. Two series
aired domestically on BBC America as well as last year’s well reviewed
stand-alone miniseries, “Children of Earth,” which broke all ratings
records for the network. …

Unlike U.S. adaptations that have gone awry, “Torchwood” fans can
take comfort that the original producing team is on board. In addition
to Davies, exec producers include Davies’ producing partner Julie
Gardner (former head of drama at BBC Wales for the show’s first season)
and Jane Tranter (another BBC vet, now exec VP programming and
production at BBC Worldwide Prods. in the U.S.).

Also, some of
the current cast — most likely John Barrowman, who plays the immortal
Capt. Jack Harkness — might star if Fox orders “Torchwood” to pilot.

As
for the new show’s plot, the U.S. version will contain a global story
line compared to the more localized sensibility of the first two BBC
seasons.

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. Here is why this is a tremendously stupid idea:

1) It’s Fox.
2) Torchwood is a Doctor Who spin-off. Doctor Who for all intents and purposes does not air in America.
3) Fox.
4) Torchwood succeeds on BBC; it will fail on Fox.
5) Because it’s fucking Fox.
6) Even if the U.S. version keeps John Barrowman — which is no guarantee — I’ll be shocked if they keep Gwen. Torchwood will lose most of its original flavor. And if they do keep Gwen, she’ll be relegated to a peripheral character so there can be some blond American bimbo as the female lead.
7) FOX
8) When it fails on Fox, there’s no guarantee it’ll be able to come back to BBC. Fox might destroy Torchwood forever.
9) FOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXX

There’s a lot of Torchwood haters out there, and I admit, the first season was pretty crap. I haven’t seen the second season yet, but Children of Earth — the third season/mini-series — was honestly some of the best sci-fi I’ve seen on TV in years. There’s just no way Fox will not destroy Torchwood by this. Fuuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.