Ooh, even I’m ashamed of myself for that article title. Anyways, there’s a Japanese trailer for the live-action Tekken movie, and it still looks more authentic than I assumed it would be. In fact, at least half the movie looks just like the game, and not coincidentally, half the movie seems to take place in the same tournament ring and involve nothing but fighting. The other half, with the waif-ish John Foo as… who, exactly? Jin Kazama?Hee hee hee! Man, if I liked Tekken even slightly I’d be furious. But I don’t and I’m not! Don’t worry, Tekken fans, there still seems to be plenty of more accurate cameos, including Tekken fighters like Heihachi, Marshall Law, Eddy Gordo, Yoshimitsu, Jermaine, Tito, the Frito Bandito, Chico, Gummo, Hardrock, Coco, Joe… oh, whoever. If the kangaroo and bear aren’t involved I still don’t give a shit.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.