Cartoons, Movies

Michael Bay Is Making a TMNT Movie

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?Michael Bay’s production company Platinum Dunes has been hired to produce a new TMNT movie, and a live-action one at that (Bay will produce, but not direct, presumably). So I’m going to gaze into the crystal ball and see what Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie will be:

? The Turtles will only be in 40% of the movie
? The hero will be Casey Jones, a hockey-playing teen from the suburbs
? April O’Neil will be his hot girlfriend who lives next door
? The military will at one point hunt the Turtles
? The Turtles’ dialogue will be dirty jokes and turtle-based puns that will make the ’80s cartoon look like Shakespeare in comparison
? The Turtles will use more ridiculous weapons and technology and possibly mutant powers than actual ninja techniques or weapons

Did I miss anything? (Via First Showing)

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.