7 of Movies’ Most Murderous “Things”


?Movie killers come in all shapes and sizes. Usually it’s a big dude with a very sharp knife carving up sex-drenched teenagers. Sometimes they wear a mask, sometimes they have silly catchphrases. Basically, there is a lot of variety in the celluloid harbingers of death. So much variety in fact, it’s not always a human (or animal, alien, robot or demon) doing the killing. Sometimes an inanimate object can be possessed or just royally pissed off and starting icing people.

These self-aware killers have popped up in cinemas over the years, and their body counts are just as high as their slasher counterparts. Here is a list of some of the best killer objects. Deadly snowmen and elevators ahoy!

7) Gingerdead Man

That’s not a typo. “Gingerdead Man” is correct. Its about, you guessed it, a killer gingerbread man. The most legit scary part of this 2005 movie is that the Gingerdead Man is voiced by actual crazy person Gary Busey. Ol’ Crazy Teeth plays Millard Findlemeyer, a psycho who guns down a family. He rides the lightning for his crimes, and his ashes are sent to his mother. His mother, who is conveniently a witch, bakes his remains into some ginger spices. Through a course of completely stupid events, the spices are made into a gingerbread man who springs to life and starts killing everybody. Running people over, firearms and knives are few of causes of death, but the Gingerdead Man kills us with his witty quips. Best part: this movie has two sequels.

6) Jack Frost

Don’t get this 1997 horror movie confused with the awful/heartwarming Michael Keaton family flick of the same name. This Jack Frost is serial killer who gets doused with some experimental genetic goo, mutating him into a living snowman. Taking advantage of his new powers, Jack takes to a quiet little town and fucks shit up. Armed with blow driers, the townspeople fight back to try to stop Jack’s icy rampage. But in the end, it was antifreeze that put Jack… on ice!

5) De Lift

The Dutch had given us many things. Delicious beer, legal marijuana and some of the cleanest, most beautiful hookers in the world are just a few. They have also given us a movie about a killer elevator in 1983. De Lift, or The Elevator in the U.S., dealt with an advanced elevator that goes all Skynet and starts dropping bodies. The elevator’s safety supervisor and a crafty reporter set out to put an end to carnage, and find that the source of the lift’s evil are some pesky microchips.

4) The Blob

Ah, the ’50s. It was a time when filmmakers would make a killer version of just about anything. A huge, living glob of chewed gum was no exception. Falling from the sky one night, the Blob terrorized a small town, smothering people to death in a gooey mess. Before he was known as a professional ass kicker, a young Steve McQueen took on the beast. Eventually the town was rid of the sticky monster, but not before making spilled jelly look scary.

3) The Slick from Creepshow 2

The Creepshow movies showed us that a partnership between Stephen King and George Romero is a recipe for awesome. Throwbacks to old pulp horror comics from the 50’s, the films had serialized episodes of cautionary tales. In Creepshow 2, the segment “The Raft” showed us that all teenagers must die. Swimming out to a raft in the middle of a lake, a bunch of horny teens were eaten one by one by a mysterious oil slick that encircled them. Aside from being terrifying, it was one of the best surprise endings ever.

2) Christine

Nowadays, when you hear about a movie named Christine, you’d probably think it was some Nicholas Sparks chick flick. In the early ’80s, people knew better. Directed by John Carpenter and based on the Stephen King novel, Christine is the name of a car that runs people over all by herself. A self-healing, self-aware 1958 Plymouth Fury, Christine falls in love with her nerdy owner. As he slowly starts to become cooler and more awesome as he falls under her spell, his friends vow to destroy Christine to save him. It’s a torrid love story, but a bunch of dudes get killed so that makes it great.

1) Chucky from Child’s Play

Talking dolls creep most people out, and Chucky is a major reason why. Premiering in 1988, Child’s Play is the story of a serial killer who transfers his soul into the body of a doll named Chucky, only to resurface and kill again. The little boy who owns him cries wolf and blames the murders on Chucky. Once the blood really starts to spill, there is no doubt the Chucky is bumping people off. Although the sequels were decidedly more lighthearted, Chucky’s first appearance remains the scariest. A staple of the horror genre, Chucky carved himself a place in movie history.