?Punisher villains are a rare sort. Because he is the goddamn Punisher, usually a bad guy only shows up once and then he gets iced. But some of the ones that do end up in Frank’s crosshairs are so absurdly stupid, it practically makes us stand up and cheer when they get popped.
‘Ol Frank has killed robot men, demons, psycho bikers and more. A lot of this was due to his misfortune of being a comic book character in the ’90s, but some of these foes are just flat out stupid. Looking at these villains is proof that the Punisher works best when doing what he originally did — killing gangsters.
Take a trip with us down a road of bullet-riddled, less than memorable bodies…
8) Mister Badwrench
?Part of the ’90s Punisher era was his customized Battle Van built by his trusty nerd sidekick, Microchip. The villain version of Micro was the laughably named Mister Badwrench. His right hand was replaced with, you guessed it, a super wrench which allowed him to build custom armored cars for his boss, the evil Medallion. Frank ended up killing him with his own wrench hand. Now, if this wrench hand of yours lets you build supercars, wouldn’t you call yourself Mister GOODWrench? How are you more afraid getting sued for copyright infringement than getting iced by the Punisher?
7) Flag Smasher
?Even though this guy has crossed swords with Captain America, it doesn’t make him less of a douche. The super Nazi known as Flag Smasher and his U.L.T.I.M.A.T.U.M cronies want nothing but global racial chaos, and have had many extremely stupid schemes to achieve it. Even though he has yet to succeed, he keeps trying. Frank has brought him down a few times, making him one of the few Punisher villains to make a second appearance. He recently popped up in Matt Fraction’s Punisher War Journal, where he and the Punisher had one fuck of a fistfight. By the way, Space Ghost called. He wants his costume back.
6) The Mongolian
?Garth Ennis’ Punisher MAX series is hailed as one of the best interpretations of the character, but that doesn’t mean it’s not without its ridiculous moments. Once Frank was hired by Nick Fury to recover a super-virus from a Russian missile silo. While he was shooting the fuck out of the place, a three and a half foot Asian man emerged from a suitcase and proceeded to beat the holy shit out of Frank. Eventually, Frank got a hold of his leg and beat him against the floor like a Bugs Bunny cartoon until he splattered. By the way, this, sadly, was the most accurate picture we could find.
?Originally a corporate thief working for A.I.M, George Prufrock botched a job stealing an experimental virus and was turned into a plant-like creature. Like a bargin bin Swamp Thing, he made his way home to his evil diplomat father, but our boy Frank was waiting for him. Although Frank blew his ass to smithereens with a bazooka, Lifeform survived the ordeal. He eventually became Daredevil and the Silver Surfer’s problem, but we can assume that Frank doesn’t give a shit about off-planet crime and cut his losses.
?Chuck Dixon and John Romita Jr’s Punisher: War Zone was a perfect storm of ’90s Punisher ass-kicking. Going undercover in the mob, Frank was ordered to bump off one of their leaders, Sal Carbone. Sal escaped, but fell through a frozen lake. Figuring him for a goner, Frank left him to freeze. Well, he survived and emerged with amnesia and some Terminator powers — absurdly, he now had limited super-strength, super-healing and did not need to eat or sleep. Taking the name Thorn, he intervened while Frank was killing off the rest of the Carbones. Punisher shot him a bunch of times and hit him with a truck, but apparently he is still out there, wandering New Jersey.
?The Reavers are credited with killing the X-Men once, but they are still a bunch of Aussie wankers. As mutant-hating cyborgs, the Reavers have it out for the mutant race, but have also run afoul of the Punisher. Perhaps the most ridiculous of this little band of losers is Bonebreaker. Half-man, half-tank, Bonebreaker is a living weapon. Sounds cool, right? Like he would be a formidable foe for the Punisher, right? Not really. Despite surviving his tangle with the Punisher, he was eventually smoked by a Sentinel in Australia. Good riddance, mate.
2) Rogue Doombot
?It’s true, the Punisher has fought Dr. Doom… and sort of won. When the Kingpin and Doom decided to pool resources, one of his Doombots went haywire and escaped, but with killing the Punisher as his prime directive. After a battle that involved Frank using a jetpack, he decided to take the fight to Doom himself. Traveling to Latveria (and wearing lederhosen, of course), Frank kicked the door in and demanded an answer. Having a quasi-team-up with Doom and the Avengers, they eventually took the bot down. However, this story proves that Frank should stay out of the big leagues and stick to shooting down drug pushers, not evil super-geniuses.
1) The Rev
?Reverend Samuel Smith was a painfully obvious riff on Charles Manson and Jim Jones, with his own little insane church and everything. The Rev, as he was called, worshipped Satan and believed the Dark Lord would grant him powers. Turns out his wish was granted, because he developed super-healing. Employing Jigsaw, he told him that he would heal his face if he helped him make the entire world sterile, in the name of, um, Satan. Anyway, Frank killed his way to the Rev, but not before having his face carved up by Jigsaw. After doing battle with the devil himself, (seriously), Frank then beat the piss out of the Rev and he healed his face at gunpoint. The Rev, being a punk bitch, tried to escape in a helicopter, but Frank blew the thing to pieces before he could get away. The Rev is the shining example of why superpowers, or the Devil for that matter, don’t belong in a Punisher comic.