BREAKING: The Spider-Man Musical Will Be Worse Than You Could Possibly Imagine

If you were wondering if the Spider-Man musical, penned by U2’s Bono and the Edge, would be overwrought, pretentious douchebag rock, I’ve got good news — it certainly will be!

Reeve Carney, who will play Spider-Man in the musical (which opens in December), sang “Boy Falls from the Sky” on Good Morning America this very morning. It’s less about Spidey having difficulty webslinging and more about the legend of Icarus, because U2 goddammit. Seriously, the very first line is “You can change your mind, but you cannot change your heart!” Holy shit.

Oh, but that’s not all! Director Julie Taymor also appeared on GMA to show off some of the villains designs! Here is the Green Goblin!

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He looks like a knock-off Mexican pinata of Jim Carrey from the live-action Grinch movie! And here’s Swiss Miss!

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I’m 99% certain I fought her in Battle Arena Toshinden on the original PlayStation back in ’99.

Seriously, guys. Wow. If you sat all of us in a room and asked us to think about nothing but how bad Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark could possibly be, we might have been able to come up with this. But it would have taken us at least a week.