Video Games

The Nintendo 3DS Is Expensive, Boring, 3-D

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Speaking of unnecessary 3-D, Nintendo revealed the Nintendo 3DS today in Japan, which features games in 3-D without forcing users to wear glasses. It will be released in Japan on February 26th, 2011, and will cost the equivalent of $300 U.S., or the price of a new, regularly-sized console. Perhaps when seen in person, the 3DS’ 3-D capability would blow my mind, but the video of upcoming games Nintendo released is boring as shit, because it’s the same damn games Nintendo always releases: Mario Kart, Animal Crossing, Nintendogs, Zelda, and third-party titles that are equally unsurprising, like a crappy Resident Evil side story, a goofy Metal Gear Solid side story, a lesser Street Fighter IV version, etc. There is absolutely nothing about the line-up that makes me the slightest bit interested in the 3DS, let alone playing them in 3-D. Hell, I honestly don’t know if I have it in me to ever buy Mario Kart again, and I actually like that game.

The only video that’s slightly interesting is this one, which shows a gaggle of Japanese hipster clowns enjoying the hell out of their 3DSes without really playing games. Maybe the card thing is kind of neat, whatever the hell it is, but otherwise it looks like the 3DS’ main feature is that the handheld consoles can battle each other with the owners ever knowing. Great. That’s what I’ve been waiting for my entire nerd life; videogames I don’t have to play at all.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.