What’s worse than this fan-edited, 5-minute version of the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special? The original 97-minute-long, unedited Star Wars Holiday Special. Watch this version if you dare, but please, please, please don’t watch the original thing. Anyone’s who’s seen it will back me up — it’s not laughably bad, it’s not so bad it’s good, it’s so bad you will fucking pray for death before Chewbacca’s dad Itchy starts watching human pornography. The first time I watched it, I was sober, and yet it was so awful my body tried to protect itself by blacking out. When I woke up, I heard Art Carney ask Chewbacca’s wife if she “had any more a’ those Wookiee Cookies,” and then I blacked out again. Seriously, kids — friends don’t let friends watch the Star Wars Holiday Special. And now you know.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.