Superhero Tweets: And the Winners Are…

?Blah blah blah awesome contest, tons of results, made me cry because it was so much work and because it was so hard to judge, standard procedure, blah blah blah. I’m not trying to denigrate this holiday weekend’s contest result — everything I just said is true — but you’ve heard it before. Here’s what was interesting about this contest. Check out these entries:

RobRobot said:

From my @JerkSuperman Twitter feed:

JerkSuperman: Whenever @God_Damn_Batman brings up the whole Kryponite thing, I remind him his weakness is bullets, car accidents & wet shower tiles.

JerkSuperman: Lois, I’m happy to talk about having babies if you’re happy to talk about the possibility of those babies punching through your uterus.

JerkSuperman: If you think my Clark Kent disguise is convincing, you should see my “I really care about your problems” face.

JerkSuperman: Check this out, Bruce: it’s called a mobile phone. It’s like a Bat Signal you can use in the daytime. Oh, about 20 years. I know, right?

JerkSuperman: Put out a fire on 85th St. Nobody said thank you. So I started it again.

These made me laugh pretty damn hard, until I realized they were from a real, existing Twitter account done by RobRobot (as you can see, he clearly said they were from his @JerkSuperman account, I just read as well as I type). Suddenly, I was faced with a dilemma — should his entries count? Even though they met all the contest requirements? Except they weren’t actually made for the contest? Then I realized RobRobot already won a shirt. CRISIS AVERTED!

The moral of this little story is that if you’re on Twitter, you need to follow @JerkSuperman right fucking now. Many HMs and Winners after the jump.

Let begin with mentions. Specifically the incredibly lengthy Twitter bitch-fight between Robins, which always entertains me, especially when several readers get involved:

RSA said:

Damien Wayne: @Tim Drake He will never love you like he does me, bitch!
rickicker replied to RSA:
Tim Drake: @Damien Wayne did you realize how gay you just sounded? LOL
RSA replied to rickicker:
Damien Wayne: @Tim Drake Keep it up and I will cut your f’n head off
rickicker replied to RSA:
Tim Drake: @Damien Wayne This coming from a guy who got sucker-punched by a clown in purple suit? Oooh, I’m sooo scared! #thatwassarcasmbtw
RSA replied to rickicker:
Damien Wayne: @Tim Drake Key words “sucker punched,” I can still kick your scrawny ass
rickicker replied to RSA:
Tim Drake: @Damien Wayne Whatever, Short Round. Get pass through puberty first. Then we’ll talk.
RSA replied to rickicker:
Damien Wayne: @Tim Drake And yet my balls are still bigger than yours
rickicker replied to RSA:
Tim Drake: @Damien Wayne Might be a birth defect. Get it checked-oh wait, you weren’t born! You’re grown! Get off my case, you bonsai!
(Aside: btw RSA, this was an awesome banter! kept me LOL-ing all through the weekend! nice work, man! XD)
Spanky Cox replied to rickicker:
CatsMeow@ Tim Drake @Damien Wayne :All this Sexual tension is killing me boys,just kiss and get it over with

tasakeru828 said:

GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
Scott_Summers: @GrowlyPatch You can stop that now, Logan. I know that’s you.
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
Scott_Summers: @GrowlyPatch I SAID STOP IT.
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers u r a dick
Scott_Summers: @GrowlyPatch JEAN LIKED ME BETTER, ASSHOLE
GrowlyPatch: @Scott_Summers 🙁

groovygeekygirl said:

Batman: Hey @SuperAquaMan, I found the perfect girl for you.
SuperAquaMan: @Batman That’s cool, man. When can I meet her?
Batman: @SuperAquaMan You can come over to the cave, dude. She’ll be here. She’s def your type. Loves water.
SuperAquqMan: @Batman Thanks, man. I really appreciate that. Can I get her name?
Batman: @SuperAquaMan Goldie.
SuperAquaMan: @Batman NOT FUNNY.
Superman: @SuperAquaMan You can hit and quit it. You can always flush her after.
SuperAquaMan: Goddammit, I quit.

TheJoKeR: @Oracle Nice night for a walk, don’t you think?
MrFreeze: @TheJoKeR Man, that’s cold.
Oracle: @TheJoKeR @MrFreeze You do realize I can trace your tweets, right? Losers.

Porpoisepower said:

RRichards: @BaronDoom OMG Seriously SQGirl??? ROTFFLMAO
BaronDoom: @RRichards =D
RRichards: @BaronDoom WTF?
BaronDoom: @RRichards Imbecile! it’s a fist with a finger extended
RRichards: @BaronDoom o.0 Your emoticon fu is weak
BaronDoom: @RRichards =D =D =D =D
RRichards: @BaronDoom Whatever… Suck my ever elongating cock… SQGirl LMAO

skrag2112 said:

SKtbone: @SKrazor Just heard Ted Turner has a new pad. Wanna try out the new missiles?
SKrazor: @SKtbone BINGO!

Menshevixen said:

DamianWayne: @CatBurglar WHORE
DamianWayne: @CatBurglar TRAMP
DamianWayne: @CatBurlgar SLUT
CatBurglar: @DamianWayne ROBIN

Samuraiter said:

ArthurLightPhD : got a hot date tonight
ArthurLightPhD : and by date i mean rape
ArthurLightPhD : LOL
ArthurLightPhD : see you at 7 #teentitans

Critus said:

PParker: Thought it might be nice to take Aunt May to see a Broadway show. FML.

Ridureyu said:

ShumaGorath: Just got picked for the new game. Suck it, @Blackheart!

UnkieBenPrkr: Pitched idea to @JoeQuesada – what if I come back from the dead as a dark & violent antihero? waiting for callback.

RddlrGthm: Left clues tricking Batman to look up goatse. Maybe my greatest victory yet.

BL4KHE4RT: @WWilson called me a ‘Black Sonic the Hedgehog” today. Cried in my room for hours.

RobCorpseEater said:

IAmSentry: Ok,this is bullshit. This @ForgetSentry guy is pising me off..
TheRealSentry: I SAVED YOU PEOPLE. That other asshole is some writer. Come on @Twitter, verify me…

dmnyo said:

TonyStark: DURNK

Skip said:

AquaRAD: Wooooo having a great time #underthesea!!!
AquaRAD: Party’s still raging! Gettin’ traaaashed! #partytime
AquaRAD: yeeeeahgdjhh drunk tweetungg #kdshjvsf
AquaRAD: gettin kinda ssad… maybe just the alcohollllllk
AquaRAD: you guyss… i’m so alone…
AquaRAD: i dontt even hsve aaany foloqwers…

Ezkiel Light said:

Boyscoutkrypton: MAX LORD ROCKS!
an hour ago
Darkknight: MAX LORD IS AWESOME!
an hour ago
WWLeatherjacket: MAX LORD IS HOT!
an hour ago
Bluebeetlestillalive: MAX LORD IS STRONG!
an hour ago
MarriedtoGA:I’d divorce for MAX LORD!
an hour ago
Mindcontroller314:I hate nose bleeds.
an hour ago
BoyscoutfromKrypton:@Mindcontroller314:Not funny
about a minute ago
Darkknight:@Mindcontroller314:Tracking your position
about a minute ago
WWLeatherjacket: @Mindcontroller314: Lol, going to snap your neck.
about a minute ago
Boosterfromfuture:@Mindcontroller314: He was my friend, Dick!
a minute ago
MarriedtoGA:@Mindcontroller314: Asshole!
a minute ago

AlgusUnderdunk said:

ForceIsWCage: Just saw new Old Spice commercial. I could totally play that guy.

ljdarten said:

Bruce Banner: I can’t believe what a shitty day I had, it just really pissed me off when that son of a bitch fgafdbdjln lfjvofVa:dv

Kaoy said:

TehGodDamnDamian: Nooooo~~~1!! RT: @BrucyBats: Alright, guys, can we stop the ‘Goddamn’ joke? I said something stupid once. Haha… End it. #shitmydadsays

Mount Oblivious said:

Peter Parker: Unfollowed MJWatson

infrafan said:

RaynerberryGL: Can’t wait to relax with a beer from the ice box. Hope Alex is up for some action tonight. Been a bit of a cold fish lately.

AIRJORDAN: In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might, Beware my power, Green Lantern’s li
AIRJORDAN: Fucking 140 character limit!
ScArLeTsPeEdStEr: @AIRJORDAN Justmaketheletterstouchlikethis
AIRJORDAN: @ScArLeTsPeEdStEr NO! Internet grammar is bad enough. I’m forced to single space after punctuation and it still won’t fit.
clarKent38: @AIRJORDAN You’re supposed to single space after punctuation now. Double spacing was used for typewriters, but now they’re obsolete.
AIRJORDAN: @clarKent38 Nice work, poindexter. Just doing what I was taught. Why don’t you just go back to Krypton, four-eyes. Oh wait. You can’t.
GLreatScott: @AIRJORDAN Just use my oath. It’s classy.
AIRJORDAN: @GLreatScott No thanks, Grandpa.
BillyAtBatson: SHAZAM!
AIRJORDAN: @BillyAtBatson There’s a reason you’re an orphan.
IAMTHEKNIGHT39: @AIRJORDAN I wouldn’t go there Hal.
AIRJORDAN: @IAMTHEKNIGHT39, @BillyAtBatson, @GLreatScott, @clarKent38, @ScArLeTsPeEdStEr Sorry everyone.

Lost Hero said:

BatEmployee1568: Mr. Wayne would like to inform you of the Justice League meeting tonight. Aquaman is reminded to leave his goddamn whales at home.
AQUAHAM: @BatEmployee1568: WHAT ABOUT SHARKS

PopeAwesomeXIII said:

Batman: #ff @BruceWayne

GreggoryBase said:

NorrinRadd:
Just finally got around to watching Inception. Even with cosmic awareness my mind was still blown.

GreggoryBase needs some extra honor, since he won the “Quantity” award by a landslide. Seriously, he may have thought TR was Twitter for a bit. Shit got a little crazy. The other HMs and winners are after the jump.

—-

KingOfDoma said:

TheFlash(12:14:22): dude a bird
TheFlash(12:14:22): man that girls hot
TheFlash(12:14:22): totally just smacked around @Captaincold lol
TheFlash(12:14:22): put @Captaincold in jail
TheFlash(12:14:22): wow thats like an eagle
TheFlash(12:14:22): dude i should totally hit up @BigBlueBoyScout for another race
TheFlash(12:14:22): that’d be boss
TheFlash(12:14:22): id totally beat him though #worldsfastestmanftw
TheFlash(12:14:23): anyone know a good hotdog stand
TheFlash(12:14:23): dont worry found one
TheFlash(12:14:23): should have put on more mustard
TheFlash(12:14:23): second one was better
TheFlash(12:14:23): its on alameda and 6th
TheFlash(12:14:23): hey is #twilight any good
TheFlash(12:14:23): nvm read em all
TheFlash(12:14:23): all totally blow
TheFlash(12:14:24): any #JLA ers wanna hit up the watchtower for poker later
AmznPrncssDiana(12:14:24): GODDAMNIT WALLY CUT IT OUT

JediCreeper said:

@Reed_Fantastico: So, I was told it would be “cool” to be part of this new online social network, ignoring new things makes me old, Hey, what are those numbe
@Doomyvondoom: @Reed_Fantastico HAHAHAHAHA! Another mistake on your long list! #richardsmiscalculationirreperablyscarredmyfaceandIwillhavemyrevenge

Whizbilly: SHAZAM!
DumbLinDalf06: @Whizbilly KRAKA-THOOOM!!!
Marvel_n_Tennille: @DumbLinDalf06 re: @Whizbilly Thanks
MaryContrary: SHAZAM!
DumbLinDalf06: @MaryContrary KRAKA-THOOM!!!
MarvelContrarvel: @DumbLinDalf06 @MaryContrary Thanks
FrdFree: CAPTAIN MARVEL!
Marvel_n_Tennille: @FrdFree KRAKA-THOOM!
Mini_n_Tennille: @Marvel_n_Tennille Thanks
UncleDud: SHAZAM!!
UncleDud: @Whizbilly @Marvel_n_Tennille @DumbLinDalf06 @MaryContrary @MarvelContrarvel FrdFree @Mini_n_Tennille you all suck #knewitdidntworkthisway

quasimofo said:

DareDevlDD: ji39jakj anra3ak a93jaj12 a923jka@jae9f
DareDevlDD: ijp39jaaj93aj354 aas93 a9ja3
DareDevlDD: aja39aj a3aadjoaan’439
WadePool69: WTS Braille keyboard, slightly used, lingering smell of angst and shame. Best offer.

Gerry said:

Stark: @WhtQueen. Tits or GTFO.

“Starman” Matt Morrison said:

RealAzRael: @DarkestKnight Heard about Batman Inc. Any chance you’re hiring? I’m feeling much better now, really!
EmeraldArcher: @RealHawkEye @BobbiBirdie Sorry your book was canceled. I really liked it… back when it was called Green Arrow/Black Canary! Losers!

Arsenal said:

IronFist: Was totally kicking some ass with @LukeCageTiarafree for half an hour before I noticed it was actually @isaiahmustafa. Best day ever

mimic91 said:

Totally Not Braniac; Hey, want to get a free iPod? Follow me! I totally won’t download my mind onto your computer! Promise!

Kaio18 said:

BBeyond: Happy Father’s Day @WMcGinnis
GoddamnOldBatman: @BBeyond About that….we need to talk.

Flash-Fact: @AquaKing Hey man. Sorry to hear about your hand. Hope the harpoon hook works out.
Aquaking : @FlashFact KJF)(F(**^JFOSMN ODSF*^%$$^&))

Evil Monkey Pope said:

YellowRaincoat: @Marvel cut the Twilite crap and repower me already so I can get back to lactating fireworks like Katy Perry!

*MYSTERIO*: Lookit me! I’ve got a fishbowl for a head! WOOGADOO!

I have yelled “WOOGADOO!” at least 30 times since I first read this. It’s driving Ms. Robot insane.

The Douger said:

@BlackBolt Finally, a way to communicate my thoughts and feelings without creating mass destruction. So…Transformers, right? What a pile of shit!

Dustino said:

Invis_Woman: Here’s mine #tittytuesday
FlameOn: @Invis_Woman Really sis? Really?
RRBigBrain: @Invis_Woman Sue, I didn’t post the link, please retweet. Thanks.
Invis_Woman: @RRBigBrain It’s invisible, I swear Reed 4 being a brain you R an idiot
DaThing: @RRBigBrain: PWN’D
rickicker replied to Dustino:
FranklinRichards: @Invis_Woman Mommy, is that you?!
M_Master: @FranklinRichards Dude, your mom’s HAWT!! XD
FranklinRichards: @M_Master SHUT UP, JACK!!
ZerOHGEE: @Invis_Woman …pics plz?

Punch Yourself said:

APennyworth: Tangerine…
Batman1: @APennyworth, Stop creeping me out.

Halbred said:

Kara_ZorL: @SPRGRL: Stop wasting money on bras, honey. You don’t need ’em.
1drWoman: @Kara_ZorL: I told her the same thing last week.
SPRGRL: @Kara_ZorL & 1drWoman: At least I can fit into my costume
IAMTHEBAT: @SPRGRL: So could Robin.
1drWoman: @IAMTHEBAT: Bazinga!

RandomChance said:

1TruGL: That’s right, bitches! I think we ALL know who’s really the best GL ever.
UrbanLegendBat: Jordan, according to @GeoffHeartsHal. And since he’s in charge…
ScottFree: @1TruGL, Haha, PWNED!
BetterOffTed: @1TruGL, @ScottFree, @UrbanLegendBat, ROFL! One Tweet! ONE TWEET!

Songbird: @BetterOffTed WTF?! I missed it!
BetterOffTed: @Songbird ONE TWEET!

Skyserpent said:

SoylentGoblin: @Webhead616 Catch! #shitjustgotreal

JPyke said:

Spidey: There’s a sixty-five million dollar crime happening on Broadway, and I’m unable to stop it.

Dancore said:

M.O.D.A.M.: @M.O.D.O.K. When will you be home?
M.O.D.O.K.: @M.O.D.A.M. We’ll talk about this later.
M.O.D.A.M.: @M.O.D.O.K. When will you be home?
M.O.D.O.K.: @M.O.D.A.M. Can you please not do this on Twitter? I’m at work.
M.O.D.A.M.: @M.O.D.O.K. You won’t answer your phone. When will you be home?
M.O.D.O.K.: @M.O.D.A.M. As soon as I kill Captain America and Iron Man.
M.O.D.A.M.: @M.O.D.O.K. So, never.
A.I.M._Agent#3145: Menstral Organism Designed for Annoying M.O.D.O.K.
M.O.D.A.M.: @M.O.D.O.K. All right, that’s it! I’m throwing the rest of this chicken away, and have Phil killed, or don’t BOTHER coming home!

SafetyDance101 said:

The_Lizard: It’s not that easy being green
SwampThing: @The_Lizard Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
Hal_Jordan: @SwampThing When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow, or gold
Tommy_Oliver: @Hal_Jordan Or something much more colorful like that
Green_Goblin: It’s not that easy being green
BeastBoy: @Green_Goblin It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
Kick-Ass: @BeastBoy And people tend to pass you over
LinkBeforeTheTemples: @Kick-Ass ‘Cause you’re not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Martian_Manhunter: @LinkBeforeTheTemples Or stars in the sky
Poison_Ivy: But green’s the color of Spring
TMNT_Collectively: And green can be cool and friendly-like
The_Incredible_Hulk: And green can be big like an ocean
Jedi_Master_Yoda : Or important like a mountain
LongHaulorNOT_GRAVEDIGGER: @Jedi_Master_Yode Or tall like a tree
Green_Arrow: When green is all there is to be
The_Riddler: @Green_Arrow It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why wonder
She-Hulk: @The_Riddler I’m green and it’ll do fine, it’s beautiful
Scorpion_On_Meds: @She-Hulk And I think it’s what I want to be
Deadpool: So many lawsuits, so little time

Not a bad way to end the Mentions, in my opinion. But now for the winners…

Dillon said:

WadePool: I am loving this contest already! Now for my contribution… @WolvieClaws Nice movie, dick.

Certainly this was the Readers Choice, and I would be lying if I didn’t enjoy the idea that Deadpool would be a Topless Robot reader, either in real life or in the comic (seriously, Marvel, this happens and I stop shitting on the Spidey musical for a full week). The breaking the fourth wall is nice, and the fact that he just does his own tweet… well, I think it’s very well done.

tredlow said:

LOLschach: No. RT @AllTheWhoresAndPoliticians Save us!!

Darkn8: Oh, hello @CEOBruceWayne How are you?
CEOBruceWayne: I am fine @Darkn8 Thank you for asking. Where are you?
Darkn8: I am at Gotham Square, @CEOBruceWayne
CEOBruceWayne: @Darkn8 Oh, I am at home in Wayne Manor. We are both in
different places, which makes sense because we’re two different people.
NotClarkKent: @Darkn8 @CEOBruceWayne Okay, stop it, ‘guys’. I tried
doing this, once, it just makes you sound like an idiot, and you’re not
fooling anyone

NotClarkKent: Pics or it didn’t happen RT @Boy1der Holy smokes! @Darkn8 is fighting a shark using a lightsaber!!

tredlow had a ton of great entries, many of which are above, but he wins for this entry and this entry alone:

Mxyzptlk55: Lolwut? RT @NotClarkKent Kltpzyxm
Mxyzptlk55: Goddamit #Fail

Honestly, if Silver Age comics were being made in 2010 — you know, besides by Grant Morrison — I honestly feel this would be an actual solution used by Superman to banish Mr. Mxyzptlk. Tredlow has been an HM at least five times, so the fact that he finally won should be a beacon of hope to those who have so often flirted with the ultimate honor.

Now, last but not least:

OneMinuteGalactica said:

Shit My Batman Says: Bio: I’m 16. I live with my adult guardian/crime fighter. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.
—-
ShitMyBatmanSays: “We’re basically on Earth to shit, fuck and fight crime, not necessarily in that order.”