Miscellaneous, Movies

TR Contest: Harry Potter “Quibbler” Headlines

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?Guys, I want to thank you for bearing with me and Topless Robot‘s reduced schedule while I suffered with the flu this week. I’m not quite well yet, but I’m definitely back on the upswing and everything should be back to normal next week.

Now for the contest — since last week’s was so unbelievably naughty, I figured I try and do something innocent this week. Well, innocent in the sense that I’m not bringing any depravity to the proceedings, although I’m sure you will (as long as it’s off my conscious). This week’s contest is to think up headlines from the tabloid of the Harry Potter world, The Quibbler (suggested by Topless Roboteer White Knight)

Now, the entries should sound like actual tabloid headlines, obviously; and I’ll be grading on cleverness and comedy, as per usual. One note: I’ll be giving extra points for those NOT referencing any Harry Potter FFFs — I’m sure there’ll be plenty of FFF-alluding Honorable Mentions, but I’m a little worried TR is getting a bit too self-referential (although I’d be happy to know what you guys think, especially you newcomers/infrequent commenters). Also, they don’t have to be about Harry Potter or the HP characters specifically — they can be about the world of Harry Potter, too. Think stuff like “WOMAN MARRIES HER OWN WAND — SAYS “IT MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN ANY WIZARD” (shit, I’ve made it naughty again).

That’s it. Two entries per person. You can write a little article accompanying the headline, but it probably won’t get you any extra points, and you run the risk of me ignoring it because it has too much text. The contest ends at 12:01 am EST on Monday, January 24th, 2011. You guys have a great weekend, thanks again, and if you’re having chicken for dinner… my apologies.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.