TR Contest: The Worst RPG Character You Ever Played or Met


?Someone in last week’s contest put in a request for a more personal story-type contest, and it made me realize it’s been a while since I did one. After all, the contests are more about entertaining each other than giving shirts away (believe it or not), and there’s very little more entertaining than stories of nerds acting ridiculously, prohibitively nerdy.

So this week’s contest: Tell me about the worst RPG character you ever played or met. Specifically, table-top role-playing games — not videogames. I don’t want to hear about why you think Squall from Final Fantasy VIII sucks; I want to hear about the horrible rip-off of Drizzt Do’Urden you made when you were 10 called Bad Azzz and how he could dual-wield vorpal swords and was a very tortured soul.

Now, it doesn’t just have to be your own personal characters — it can be anyone’s you played with. It can even be an NPC — I’m certain several of you have stories about shitty gamemasters shoehorning in their own beloved yet awful characters into their games. I’d prefer it not be any famous NPCs, like Drizzt, unless he was part of an actual game you played, by you, another player, or a gamemaster, and was horrible and/or out-of-character. Chances are if your GM added an established character like that into your game, it was probably pretty awful anyways.

I’ll tell you mine, although I think I already mentioned him on TR before. I was playing D&D with some guys, and I wasn’t into it for a couple of weeks. So I made a hulking barbarian named Groin (son of Gonad) with 3 intelligence. You can imagine how that went. Well, mid-way through my PC pal and I were bored of whatever the story was supposed to be, so we made a list of every NPC we’d met in the game, then hunted them down and killed them. It was something like 50 NPCs. The DM wouldn’t talk to us for days. It was divine.

So, your turn. Keep it around 200 words — remember the Rob-invariably-skips-over-any-entries-that-are-too-long rule. One entry per person. Contest ends at 12:01 am EST on Monday, January 31st, 2011. That’s it for me, folks. See you cats on Monday. I hope you all have a ball this weekend! Or two, even.