Because the Transformers 3 Viewing Experience Needed to Be More Shameful


?See this thing? It’s a pair of 3-D glasses. Seriously. It’s an Optimus Prime-shaped set of 3-D glasses that Hasbro is releasing this summer for $10 that kids can buy so they can look like Optimus Prime while they watch Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon in 3-D. /Film has a pic of a Bumblebee version, too.

I was all prepared to make fun of these, but clearly, these are designed for kids who are too little to have developed dignity, right? I mean, like, kids 6 and under. I’d like to think I’d think these things were stupid when I was 6, but I can’t say for sure. Maybe I would’ve thought they were cool, and maybe kids today will buy the shit out of them. That’s fine.

However, if you see any child wearing one of these outside a 3-D movie theater, you are legally required to push him down. Not to be mean, but to help the young nerdlings understand that some nerdery must stay inside. By giving them a light ass-kicking, you’re going to help them avoid a major ass-kicking in the future. So please, for the sake of the nerd children… push ’em down. They’ll thank you for it in about 20 years or so.