Merchandise, Movies, Toys

Because the Transformers 3 Viewing Experience Needed to Be More Shameful

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?See this thing? It’s a pair of 3-D glasses. Seriously. It’s an Optimus Prime-shaped set of 3-D glasses that Hasbro is releasing this summer for $10 that kids can buy so they can look like Optimus Prime while they watch Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon in 3-D. /Film has a pic of a Bumblebee version, too.

I was all prepared to make fun of these, but clearly, these are designed for kids who are too little to have developed dignity, right? I mean, like, kids 6 and under. I’d like to think I’d think these things were stupid when I was 6, but I can’t say for sure. Maybe I would’ve thought they were cool, and maybe kids today will buy the shit out of them. That’s fine.

However, if you see any child wearing one of these outside a 3-D movie theater, you are legally required to push him down. Not to be mean, but to help the young nerdlings understand that some nerdery must stay inside. By giving them a light ass-kicking, you’re going to help them avoid a major ass-kicking in the future. So please, for the sake of the nerd children… push ’em down. They’ll thank you for it in about 20 years or so.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.