Being a bad guy is easy – just write a book about sparkly vampires or produce a reality TV show. But to be a super villain, you need to set yourself apart from the crowd. Witless henchmen, a thirst for world domination, an evil lair, and a heroic nemesis, are all a must.
Traditionally, supervillainry also required a flair for the
expository-monologue-revealing-the-entire-masterplan, and possibly a
shark tank filled with radioactive robot piranhas to dangle the hero
over whilst delivering it.
Unfortunately the radioactive robot piranha industry was decimated by the GFC and nobody has time for a really good monologue these days, forcing miscreants everywhere to work on mastering Twitter’s 140-character limit instead. Admittedly, some villains do it better than others. Since we’ve already discussed the 10 coolest superheroes currently on Twitter, here are the 10 villain Twitter accounts you should be following.
10) HAL 9000 (@Hal9000_)
?Okay, Hal may not have lackeys, or limbs, but he makes up for it in evil artificial intelligence. When Hal isn’t trying to eject astronauts from his airlocks, his musings reveal an AI trying to figure out what humanity’s whole deal is. Probably so that he can kill us better.
9) Doctor Octopus (@OttoOctavius)
?Years of constant beatings at the hands of your “friendly” neighbourhood Spider-Man have taken their toll on Doc Ock. Now he spends most of his time in his secret lair getting his drink and smoke on and, surprisingly helpfully, tweeting tips on how to improve your evil lair.
8) The Joker (@The_J0ker)
?The Clown Prince of Crime’s Twitter feed is full of exactly what you’d expect: hatred of Batman, violence, lots of maniacal laughter and a twisted joke or three. He’d be higher on the list if he took time off from trying to kill the Bat to tweet more.
7) Predator (@SexyPredator)
?With a face not even a mother could love and a penchant for hunting down and killing his prey in horrible ways, it’s easy to see why Predator makes the list. Amazingly, he’s found a way to make himself even more terrifying: getting sexy. “Shopping list, milk – bleach – shoulder cannon – coffee – the pelt of Jude Law – cat litter.”
6) General Zod (@ZodThoughts)
?As arrogant as he is brilliant, Zod was Krypton’s finest general until he tried his hand at world domination and was exiled to the Phantom Zone. He escaped and made his way to Earth, and then in to the path of Superman’s fists. Now stuck in Burbank, Zod has a new tactic: “helping” people through his “Heal Before Zod” campaign. “Ursa, Non and I fed the needy this year for Xmas. Granted we fed them other needy people. At least they were made into a bisque.”
5) Doctor Doom (@Grumpy_Doctor_Doom)
?Genius inventor, father, ruler of Latveria, hater of Reed Richards, sorceror and schemer, Doom is so busy it’s amazing he has any time to tweet at all. It’s probably why he invented Doombots in the first place. And why he’s grumpy as hell. “BAH! The X-Men attacked one of Doom’s secret bases today. Maybe it had something to do with me entering Professor X into Dancing With The Stars.”
4) Emperor Palpatine (@LordPalpatine)
?Emperor Palpatine is the most evil, most successful supervillain of all time. Not content with taking over the world, Palpatine took over an ENTIRE GALAXY, almost single-handedly destroying an army of magic space monks with laser swords in the process. And he can shoot lightning OUT OF HIS FUCKING HANDS. “Contrary to popular belief, I am not the Pope’s evil twin. He’s mine.”
3) Cobra Commander (@CobraCommander)
?As hilarious as he is evil and mysterious, Cobra Commander is a must-follow. Whether he’s destabilising governments, giving expired gift cards and handguns to the homeless at Christmas, or just killing Joe’s, CC’s Twitter feed shows he knows how to have a good time. Oh, and he loves the ladies, naturally. “Planning on dominating some weather this weekend. And by weather I mean women.”
2) Lord Voldemort (@Lord_Voldemort7)
?Proving conclusively that everyone loves a bad guy, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has a massive 630,000+ followers. He hates Harry Potter, he hates bad grammar and there’s a good chance he hates you too. But you’ll follow him anyway because that hatred leads to some sparkling snarkery on everything from the wizarding world to pop culture. Plus, he’ll Avada Kedavra you if you don’t. “#QuestionsIDon’tLike: “Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?” Neither. I am Team Literature.”
1) Darth Vader (@DarthVader)
?The Dark Lord of the Sith occasionally takes time from his busy schedule of Galactic domination and Jedi dismembering to share his thoughts on pop culture and anything else that Force tickles his fancy. Make no mistake, this is Darth Vader’s Twitter account. His voice and character resonate in every perfectly composed tweet. “Watching MJ’s funeral reminded me I wanna go out in style. I better not end up cremated on some stupid moon surrounded by teddy bears.”
Special Mention: @DepressedDarth, who somehow manages to be homeless, sad and humorous all at the same time. “Shit happens, also your mentor cutting off your arms & legs and letting you nearly burn to death happens. Big surprise, I have trust issues.”