10 Megalomaniacs Who Should Rule You (And Why)
?You can hardly open a comic or switch on your TV without seeing some heroic do-gooder stopping one evil megalomaniac or other from taking over the world. On the face of it, watching evil space Hitler plunge to his grisly demise at the bottom of a reactor shaft might seem like a good thing, but is it really?
Has anyone ever stopped to consider whether we might actually all be better off if we just gave these guys a shot at running things? Surely someone with the genius level intellect, determination, fiscal nouse and organizational ability required to build a skyscraper-sized fire breathing cyborg T-Rex with missile teeth has to be a better choice than 98% of the politicians out there, right?
Here are the top ten evil megalomaniacs we all might be better off being rules by.
10) Megatron from Transformers
?Most of us know Megatron as the energon-obsessed leader of the Decepticons and hater of Optimus Prime, but there’s (sorry) a lot more to this evil robot than meets the eye (I’m so sorry). Megatron is also an avid conservationist, intent on seeing Cybertron returned to its former glory, no matter the cost. As well as caring for the environment, he’s a robot with a passion for peace… through tyranny. The thing is, he’ll make it work. Here’s why: who’s going to pick a fight with a giant robot who can turn into a gun or shoot anti-matter blasts from his fusion cannon that can level a city? You? I don’t think so.
9) Zim from Invader Zim
?Let’s face it, Earth is a pretty horrible place: war, poverty, inequality, Toddlers & Tiaras and stupid human worm babies taking up space in every Skool. Zim can fix all of that. Yes, he wants to conquer Earth in the name of the Irken Armada but on the up side, they have the fairest political system in the universe: whoever’s Tallest is in charge. Plus, his advanced technology could revolutionise our planet. Just imagine living in a world where everyone has a spaceship and a walking house, and their own GIR; a tacito-obsessed, very slightly malfunctioning robot sidekick. 7 billion GIRs: what could possibly go wrong?
8) Sauron from Lord of the Rings
?The Dark Lord of Mordor gets a lot of bad press for being an “evil wizard”, a “corrupter” and a “deceiver” but really, Sauron was only interested in bringing order to the chaotic world of Middle-earth after the Gods abandoned it. Isn’t that worth the occasional person being thrown in to an orc stew? And as the greatest jeweller of all time, he can make AMAZING engagement rings at really reasonable prices; like the total enslavement of your will to his.
7) Ozymandias from Watchmen
?Being the world’s smartest man means Adrian Veidt can lay good claim to being ruler of the planet. To put his genius into perspective, Ozymandias was able to outsmart Dr. Manhattan, a god-like being with the power to perceive past, present and future simultaneously. That’s understanding David Lynch movies kind of smart. More importantly, he’s not afraid to make the hard decisions. If that means securing world peace by staging an alien invasion that results in the destruction of New York City and brutally murdering his friends to cover it up, so be it.
6) Magneto from X-Men
?Forget the fact that he has hordes of evil super-powered mutants to do his bidding; Magneto could take over the world completely legally. As the buffest 80-something year old in the history of ever, he could romp in to office on the back of the female senior citizen vote alone. Of course, as the Master of Magnetism, he could also dump a car on your head or suck the iron in your blood out through your pores, both of which you have to admit are pretty compelling reasons to let him do his thing. True, he’s not a big fan of homo sapiens but we were the ones who invented Jersey Shore so we probably had it coming.
5) Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter
?You-Know-Who’s credentials speak for themselves. Firstly, he’s the most evil wizard in history, which means he’s extremely good at his job. Secondly, he can speak three languages: English, wizard AND parseltongue, an absolute must in a globalized world. Thirdly, everybody loves a good magic trick! Voldemort can do totally awesome ones, like sawing a beautiful assistant in half or firing a killing curse at that annoying know-it-all who’s always coming first in Advanced Potions. Finally, as the owner of seven horcruxes, Voldemort can provide stability by ruling the planet for centuries. Whether you like it or not.
4) Khan Noonien Singh from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
?Genetically bred to be mentally and physically superior to normal humans in every way, it’s no surprise to find Khan at number four. Apart from great hair and fashion-forward deconstructed apparel, Khan has something else going for him: prior experience. He ruled a third of the world in the Star Trek universe’s 1990s, probably saving them from having to watch Melrose Place in the process. Plus, Khan has all the qualities of an excellent leader: he’s strong, resourceful, smart, fearless, ambitious and even supportive… as long as you don’t get in his way, or go by the name “James T. Kirk”.
3) The Master from Doctor Who
?Whatever you may think about the Master, you have to give him credit for dreaming big: he’s not just interested in taking over the world; he wants the whole universe. And as arguably the most fiendishly clever evil genius in this list, he would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for that damned Doctor. There are loads of reasons why the Master should rule us all but here’s the one that matters: as a Time Lord, he can not only travel through time and space at will, but he can also die and continually come back in a new body each time, trying again and again until he finally gets his way. Who’s got the time and energy to fight that? Just let it happen.
2) Lex Luthor from Superman
?Genius par excellence, billionaire industrialist, mad scientist, passionate pro-Earthling rights lobbyist and occasional murderer, Lex Luthor is a man of many hats. Okay, some of them are just to hide the chrome dome but you get the point. With his vast personal wealth and his knowledge of pretty much everything, Luthor could usher in a golden age of peace and prosperity for mankind, if only Superman would just go back to his own country/asteroid field. And okay yes, in his time as U.S. President, he tried to kill Batman and Superman and used an impending alien invasion to his personal advantage but still, all things considered, probably a better record than George W. Bush.
1) Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars
?While other megalomaniacs have tried to take over the world, Palpatine has succeeded, and then some. Not content to rule one world, or even a few, the Emperor conquered an entire galaxy using nothing but his wits, the Dark Side of the Force, 60,000 clone troopers and a depressed cape-wearing magic killing machine. In doing so, he brought peace to a region of space previously ravaged by war. Even more amazingly, he singlehandedly reduced unemployment rates to 0% by forcing everyone, man, woman, child or weird alien thingy, to construct the Death Star. He can also electrocute you with lightning from his fingers or order the destruction of your home world so, all things considered, not being able to vote probably isn’t such a big deal.