Tech

Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Beau Bust Roller

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I was all set to feature the Beauty Nose — a totally different nose attachment from the Beauty Lift High Nose I ran a few weeks ago, but also designed to reshape your schnozz by clamping it down with a butterfly clips for only five minutes a day — but then I saw this:

beau-breast-roller-2.jpg

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The Beau Bust Roller. The description from Japan Trend Shop:

Using Electronic Muscle Stimulation (EMS), the Beau Bust Roller
can be used to stimulate breast growth and firmness. It even works in
the bath! Simply sit back and relax in the tub, and roll the device over
your chest to encourage the results you want. Use the included bust
cream to enhance the experience!

Notice: Should not be used by pregnant women or people using pacemakers or electronic medical equipment.

I’ve said this before when discussing one of Japan’s other ridiculous breast-growing technologies, but if tits actually got bigger through groping and rubbing cream on them, I’m pretty sure guys would’ve noticed well before 2011. Hell, I was performing experiments back in 1991, and my results were inconclusive at best. Ladies, you can order the Beau Bust Roller here for $107. Or you can save your money and ask pretty much any guy you know to cop a feel.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.