The Conquest of the Planet of the Apes remake — currently titled Rise of the Planet of the Apes — just released a massive, 5-second look at what Weta’a apes will look like in the film. Although I’m a big Conquest fan, this is actually so short that I almost wasn’t going to bother posting it… until I realized it was basically a video of the most suspicious-looking ape ever. Seriously, that ape is up to no good. This is an ape will lull you into a false sense of security, throw its feces at you when you least expect it. This is an ape that would offer to do your taxes, and then do them wrong on purpose. This is an ape that would make you question your love for your spouse, sleep with her behind-your-back, end up breaking up up your marriage and then convincing you it’s all your fault. DO NOT TRUST THIS APE.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.