There is no FFF today. I apologize. The problem is not that I need a break, because I almost always need a break. No, the problem is that I’m at my parents’ house in Kentucky and they both took off work today. I’ve done plenty of TR posts here, and FFF installments as well — but always when they’re at work. As it turns out, I can’t bring myself to search, read or write about erotic fan fiction stories when my parents are within 10 feet of me. I just can’t do it. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you next Friday.
However, that doesn’t mean I can’t post something that will flay the soul from your body with its wretchedness. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new hit music video from… Trishii.
Without fear of hyperbole, I can tell you that this video is one of the most awful things I have ever seen in my entire life. The only word I can think of to properly describe it is “atrocity.” I mean, an American girl dressing in Ganguro fashion — widely renown as the planet’s most awful teen “style,” and one that went out of fashion in Japan a full decade ago is terrible enough. But then you have her sing a song that makes Rebecca Black’s “Friday” sound like The Beatles’ “Yesterday” — and with less talent than Rebecca Black, and the awfulness is quadrupled. And then you put her in way too tight clothes, all covered with Pok?mon, in the most pandering, transparent attempt at “sexy-cute” ever seen in the history of the music industry, and in all defiance of the fact that she looks like a clown and a teen prostitute caught in a teleporter accident, then fried in batter, and then peed upon — then you have a terror beyond imagining, a Lovecraftian nightmare which makes sane men tear out their eyes and weep blood, knowing that eternal darkness will never truly hide the horror that walks among us, who is known by the name… Trishii. And she wants you to kiss her, apparently.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.