BREAKING: Guy Has an Idea for a New Star Trek Series, No Grasp on Reality

?And speaking of TV that doesn’t actually exist, it’s time for me to talk about something I’d hoped very much to avoid: The “new” “Star Trek” “series” being “pitched” by David Foster. Now, many people have sent in this “news” and I know many people are excited by the idea of a new Star Trek TV series, maybe this one specifically. But let me explain to you why not only will this not happen, it has no chance of ever happening.

Let me start with the facts: David Foster is a guy from 1947 Entertainment (whatever that is) who has apparently been working on a Trek series since 2006. He has “a solid 5-7 year series plan, pilot script and a conceptualized finale that intends to define Star Trek for generations, extensive character bios, costume and ship/set designs, and more” (all quotes are from an interview Foster did with TrekWeb). Also “The series is set in the post-Voyager era, and is designed to return Star Trek to its original series roots in big and mighty ways, without disregarding the other series and movies” and “The series is highly energized with a much younger cast, and uses
cutting-edge future technologies with newly envisioned special effects
and designs. It includes Klingons, Ferengi, Andorians, Vulcans, Trill,
and many more. The Klingons are getting very restless since the Praxis
incident forced them to come to the peace tables, and are tired of
having to rely on the Federation for support. The Ferengi have
discovered a vast new resource that has propelled them towards instant
riches and power beyond anything they have previously experienced.”

Okay. Sound good? Well, it doesn’t matter, because this will never fucking happen. David Foster does not have a pitch for a Star Trek TV show — he has an idea for one. You know what’s required to have a TV series pitch? Someone to listen to it. And unless Paramount is 1) actually interested in making a new Trek series, which there’s been no indication of, and 2) is looking for ideas for Trek series from random people on the internet, which has never happened in the history of entertainment, there’s absolutely zero chance of Paramount ever even considering this thing.

Remember that “Gotham High” animated series “pitch” that went around the internet a while ago? Yeah, that had no chance of happening either. Like Star Trek is to Paramount, Batman is a major Warner Bros. franchise, and they’re not about to accept unsolicited ideas from some yahoo on the internet. They employ several dozens of people whose sole job is to do Batman cartoons/work on Star Trek stuff, and unless you’re one of those employees, YOU HAVE NOTHING. There’s maybe one exception: a big Hollywood player like Bryan Singer might get a chance to do a pitch — although it’s worth pointing out that Singer actually did have a Star Trek TV series idea, called Federations, and Paramount turned his ass down. So forgive me if I think Foster’s chances are somewhat less than Singer’s.

What drives me crazy is that people think that 1) because “his idea is really well thought-out” or 2) “he cares about the franchise” or, especially, 3) “he has support from Trek fans and actual Trek producers.” Look at the history of almost any nerd franchise, and try to tell me that “caring” and “ideas” actually matter. You can’t, because they don’t. Yes, many studios would like to hire someone who has passion for the project, but the real determination is always cost vs. potential profit. Hiring someone with a genuinely good idea is a bonus, but hardly necessary — that’s why hacks like Brett Ratner and Steven Sommers still get work. Hell, if quality ever really mattered, Michael Bay wouldn’t have a career. Furthermore, having the “support” of the third associate producer’s assistant from one episode of Next Generation means less than nothing. There’s only two people whose support would actually matter, and that’s J.J. Abrams and Gene Roddenbury. Again, I doubt Abrams is in the habit of meeting with random guys from the internet, and unless Gene Roddenbery rises from his fucking grave and calls a press conference, Foster’s not getting help there, either.

Let me put it this way: You know what makes a pitcher a pitcher? A catcher. A pitcher has to have someone to catch the ball, or else he’s just an asshole throwing the ball to nowhere. David Foster has no one to “catch” his “pitch,” and unless he gets an actual job at Paramount or kidnaps a Paramount executive, he has zero chance of getting one. In summary: Foster doesn’t not have a pitch for a new Star Trek series. All he has is some goddamn fan fiction.