Comics, Movies

The Crow Remake Is Just Determined to Suck

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If you recall, Bradley Cooper was in talks to star in the remake of The Crow. This was a terrible idea, and I guess Cooper finally realized this, as he just backed out of the project. So, would the filmmakers use this chance to reassess the project? Find an actor appropriate for the role? Of course not! They’re immediately back to former frontrunner Mark Wahlberg, a man who has never done a good job as a leading man (he can gebe excellent in supporting roles with the right director, but not as the hero of the countless bland action flicks he so often stars in). But sadly, that’s the good news. Because the other contender for the title role? Channing Fucking Tatum.

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?You know, I’ve been trying to think of a worse actor for the role of The Crow besides Tatum, and I’m actually stumped. Owen Wilson? Mike Myers? 85-year-old Jerry Lewis? All would bring slightly more gravitas to the role than Channing Tatum. Any ideas from you guys? (Via Bloody Disgusting)

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.