?It was most certainly a treat to get the SDCC Indiana Jones action figure set from Hasbro earlier this year. It contained a couple of Holy Grail figures (get it? GET IT?!), Toht and Satipo among them. Yet, if you’re an Indy die-hard like myself, you’re probably still yearning for more.
Now, obviously, there’s a reason that these figures never made it into Hasbro’s Indiana Jones toyline, and that reason while these guys play pivotal roles in the Indiana Jones movies, they’re often very small roles. Plus, even for the guys with larger roles, they’re mostly white guys in a variety of suits — making the “action” half of “action figure” somewhat… invalid.
But somewhere, there’s a parallel universe where the Indiana Jones toyline is more popular than Star Wars, where kids on a playground are fighting over a Dr. Marcus Brody figure. I and my Indiana Jones toy collection wish we lived in that universe. For your viewing pleasure, I’ve created old-school Kenner style card backs. Sorry, no actual figures. I don’t sculpt.
?Admittedly, this is pretty much a nothing character from Raiders. I could be accused of padding out the list with him. Then again, he did provide crucial information to Indy that allowed him to beat those dastardly Nazis to the punch in finding the Ark. I want an Imam figure. Shut up.
?He was a pivotal character in Last Crusade. As the leader of The Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword, Kazim had sworn to protect the secrets of the Holy Grail at any cost. Included with his figure would be a nifty removable fez and that serious MP28 rifle he uses in his attempt to assassinate Indy during the boat chase sequence of the film.
13) Wu Han
?He’s an old friend. Cleverly disguised as a waiter, Wu Han supposedly had Indy’s back in the opening sequence of Temple of Doom, but fell under the gun of one of the notorious gangster Lao Che’s sons instead. Included with this figure is a pistol and a very exciting serving tray.
12) Chattar Lal
?The shifty Prime Minister of Pankot Palace was really a fiendish worshipper of Kali in league with the evil high priest Mola Ram. He also nearly knifed Indy death as they fought over the boiling pit of molten lava in the Temple of Doom. The Lal figure would come with a treacherous dagger and goblet topped with a monkey’s head… containing that ever-popular desert, chilled monkey brains!
11) Jock Lindsay
?The “Air Pirate” bi-plane pilot who flies Indy to safety from the Hovitoes in the opening of Raiders would come complete with fishing pole and yes, his pet snake Reggie!
?This creepy bastard was responsible for sending Indy off from the Mayapore village in search of the Sankara stones. He made an indelible impression in his short time at the beginning of Temple of Doom. The figure’s accessories? Creepiness.
9) Lao Che
?This ruthless Shanghai crime lord nearly did Indy in, and not to mention, he introduced Indy to Willie Scott. He has much to answer for. This figure would come with both a handgun and a Chinese Tommy Gun like his assassins used. And why not throw in the urn containing the remains of Nurhachi, who was apparently a real small guy. Groan.
8) Simon Katanga
?Pirate Captain Kantanga proved to be an ally to Indy, providing he and Marion passage on his vessel the Bantu Wind. Give the figure a removable hat and a pistol and we have a classic. And also sculpt his right hand into a saluting gesture so he can do so when Indy swims to the German sub. A great movie moment you just gotta re-enact in plastic.
7) Sallah (Last Crusade)
?An action figure incarnation of Indy’s trusty friend as he appeared in his Last Crusade adventure. He’d have a removable fez and possibly a rifle, but… no camels!
6) Rene Belloq (Peruvian Expedition)
?Nothing beats the main heavy from the original classic as seen in our first introduction to him. Include a nice removable pith helmet and perhaps a machete for cutting through the jungle.
5) Walter Donovan
Last Crusade‘s Nazi sympathizing main baddie. This guy would sell his mother for an Etruscan vase. Compliment the figure with a handgun and false grail and while we’re at it, an interchangeable head to show that he choose poorly.
4) Dr. Marcus Brody
A key figure in the life of adventurer Indiana Jones is his friend and mentor Dr. Marcus Brody. As far as accessories… I don’t know. The apple he snitches off Indy’s desk?
3) Oberst Herman Dietrich
You have to feel sorry for Dietrich…that is, if one can feel sorry for a sniveling Nazi jerk. Still, as one of the main baddies in Raiders, this guy never gets his due, or for that matter an action figure. Time to remedy that. Give him a Nazi Lugar and an interchangeable melting head and we’d have the greatest figure since Arnold Toht!
2) Rene Belloq
Hasbro’s choice to make Indy’s main nemesis action figure based on his brief bit in ceremonial robes at the explosion close of Raiders strikes me as an odd choice. The devious French archeologist made an impression in his trademark crisp white suit and hat… the very same outfit he wore for most of the duration of the movie. Anyway, give the figure a removable hat and the submachine gun he uses to defend his prize the Ark, and we have another no-brainer.
1) Indiana Jones (Club Obi-Wan Tux)
Dr. Indiana Jones was never more dashing than in his entrance in Temple of Doom in Club Obi-Wan. This figure would come complete with poisoned martini glass, antidote vial and the Eye of the Peacock diamond.