Geek Wisdom: And the Winners Are…

?It does not surprise me to learn that many Topless Robot readers are bullshitters of the highest degree. You guys thoroughly kicked my ass with awesomeness with this weekend’s contest, sponsored by the Geek Wisdom book, where you gave your own wonderfully “deep” interpretations of famous nerdy quotes. After my first pass through of the entries, the one where I try to pick the cream of the crop, I’d pretty much picked every single actual entry posted in the damn contest. It was absurd.

So please forgive me for having to be very, very picky this time; so picky I only took one entry per person. But even though I winnowed down the many, many great entries to about 30, you’re still about to read 6,000 words of awesome nerdy bullshit. Oh, it’ll be great to read, but it was hell to judge. But enough of that. Let’s justify some English majors, shall we?

The light and dark imagery in these Honorable Mentions is astounding.

Someguy:

Bah weep gragnah weep nini bong (the universal greeting)
-Transformers animation movie

This is a reminder of first impressions. This holds many philosophies in first meetings.
1) What a person says may not be as important as what they do. (Remember they offer a gesture of good will when greeting)
2) When the phrase is repeated back it is a reminder that we may sound just as weird to them during our first meeting.
3) Most important of all. Maybe you have never heard of, “Bah weep gragnah weep nini bong.” That does not necessary mean that they are weird and stupid, but maybe that you may not know as much as you think so keep an open mind.

SlyDante:

“In the end, Razputin, aren’t we all just dogs playing poker?”
– Edgar Teglee, Psychonauts

Indeed we are, Edgar. For you see, everyone on Earth always seems strange & unique in their own glorious way to at least one other person on Earth, even if all we do is just go about our lives, performing everyday activities like indulging in a simple game of poker. Maybe it’s just physical appearance, but it may indeed be that we do something that could also be considered impossible. It could be the construction worker who rivets 300 feet above our heads, the amputee who manages to drive a car, or the child acrobat who manages to set luchadors on fire using nothing but the powers of his mind.

And like those dogs, nothing is ever truly impossible to all of us, no matter how small or how big of an act we might perform. If those dogs somehow managed to gain the intelligence to understand the game of poker, & the ability to somehow hold on to those cards using those paws of theirs…Then one day…Maybe one day…We CAN have a Domino’s on the moon.

We are all people who can & who will do anything. We are all…Dogs playing poker.

Nic Neidenbach:

“Put the glasses on! Put ’em on! “
– Nada, “They Live”

Sometimes we have to let go of our ego and listen to the advice of those close to us. Such insight can aid us in cutting through the illusions of our complicated lives; the misdirecting messages to conform, sleep and surrender to a state of apathy. Remember to pass this wisdom on to others, never taking no for an answer.

Daniel Dean:

“Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say ‘YES!'”

When the estwhile Winston voices this towards the end of Ghostbusters, he pleads with Ray (Dan Akroyd) to essentially commit blasphemy when faced with a question that sounds as if it were delivered by a madman. Yet this is what has driven our progress throughout the last century and into this one; indeed, it is this willingness to risk hubris that led the Ghostbusters to produce the capabilities that leave them standing between man’s destruction and forces of apocalypse. This is in essence the central thesis of the movie. Had the Ghostbusters not decided to risk blasphemy by playing god and determining the fate of post-mortal entities, they would have been unable to save the world. The film’s argument concludes with science trumping sorcery for all of Manhattan to witness.

They do the right thing by sinning in the first place. It reminds us of the importance of separating morality (conventional or otherwise) from superstition, lest moralists drag us back to the dark ages as they often try to do. “This is new or different, this science disputes God, therefore it is not merely wrong but it is a lie and it is evil.” A hundred years ago syphilis was a death sentence rather than, as today, a good reason to be prescribed conventional antibiotics. A hundred years ago God-fearing men and women died of heatstroke in summer and froze to death in winter. Now we have central air and heating.

The lesson of ‘Frankenstein’ is to never play God, but where is the evil when playing God works? And what is playing God, if not determining through your actions and bold discoveries knowledge and resources that changes who lives and who dies. Yes, as with the modern Prometheus, man can go too far. Science can go too far. But Ghostbusters stands to remind us that going nowhere at all may be the worse alternative.

When someone asks you if you are a God, say yes, and when you meet the Buddha kill the Buddha.

Dillon J.:

“Good news, everyone!”
-Professor Farnsworth

How many times have you allowed yourself to become bogged down with the negative, and never focusing on the positive? And even when you hear the positive you never give it the energy and excitement it deserves. It’s time for you to really let these moments take hold of you. Really throw your hands in the air and shout whenever you enter a room. Remember to focus on the good news, even if it isn’t all that good.

Sherlock:

Kano (Mortal Kombat): Hello, baby, did you miss me?

No matter how much life gets you down, you must keep faith in yourself and your own qualities and capabilities. By treating each opportunity and conflict in life like an old lover, confident that they are the one missing out, that they are the one who wants to acquiesce and give in to you will help you approach each situation with the positive energy and level-headedness to succeed.

VindicaSean:

“You solved the box, we came. Now you must come with us, taste our pleasures.” Lead Cenobite (“Pinhead”), Hellraiser

Clearly a nod to the Pandora’s Box fable, the story of Kristy Cotton serves a dual purpose. The first is the general loss of innocence one endures and enjoys upon growing up. Kristy opens the box and is completely unprepared for what she finds once the puzzle box (a metaphor for puberty if ever there were one) is solved. It could be argued here that the fact she is so floored after she solves the box is the experience everyone encounters quite often during puberty. Just as you think you’ve “figured it all out,” a new, exciting and all together frightening wrinkle can emerge from what you think is a victory.

The second and just as apt meaning of this line and the story as a whole, is that one must always be prepared to endure whatever will come of their actions. It is an inevitability that Kristy must accompany the Cenobites and be put through experiences she isn’t at all ready to accept, but the fact that she very willingly set out to sit down with the puzzle box, and solve its mystery, implies a degree of agency and deliberateness on her part. She dove in without considering what would happen upon opening the box, and is horrified by what she finds.

In short, if you dive in with both feet, be prepared to hit the bottom, and a loss of innocence can be a truly scary experience that widens your world beyond your anticipation.

Gagagalvatron:

“Get the cheese to sick bay!” – B’Elanna Torres, “Learning Curve”, Star Trek Voyager

Cheese. It’s delicious. Most of the time you take its cheesy goodness for granted.

But sometimes it can go bad on you. Really bad. Like sticking up your refrigerator bad, or hijacking your starship’s bio-neural gel bad. Rather than hold your nose and discard it, you should consider rescuing it. As B’Elanna discovered, your cheese is important and may contain the secrets of your salvation. Where one person sees stinking and rotten cheese, another may glean the hidden keys to the universe. Do you want to be the person to throw it away?

What is your cheese, if it is not a reflection of you? Are not the holes in that slice of Swiss a metaphor for the empty parts of your soul? The individually wrapped slices of processed cheese food are a defiant critique of the individual’s isolation in a corporate culture. The bag of shredded cheese resolutely champions the power of teamwork: alone I am a shred of cheese, but together we are pizza.

And, in the end, is not cheese human? Should it not have rights and universal coverage? I am cheese, perhaps a sublime Gouda. You are cheese, perhaps a complex Gruyere. Voyager is cheese, the pungent Casu Marzu of Star Trek.

So don’t throw away your inner cheese. Embrace it. Fix it. Nurse it and nourish it, and it will nourish you in return.

Mythbri:

“Get to da choppa!”

This marvelous quote has two pearls of wisdom that may be harvested:
1. Know your limitations.
We all come up against things that are too much for us to handle alone – which is fine. So rather than run the risk of getting in over your head, be brave enough to recognize the circumstances in which you’re outmatched. And if those circumstances happen to include an armed-to-the-teeth (or mandibles, or whatever) big-game hunter from another planet, well, you’d better get your ass to da choppa.
2. Ask for help.
Along with knowing when things are too hot to handle by yourself, don’t be afraid to reach out. There are people that can help you. Just mind the alien explosives.

Shar:

“It’s a trap!” — Admiral Ackbar

Yes. It was a trap. But after a small moment of panic and confusion, The Admiral and the Rebel Alliance fought through that trap to victory, and so can we. As Nietzsche said, “What does not kill us, makes us stronger.” It is not the trap that is important, it is how we react to it. It is not the destination, it’s the journey. We must suffer the slings and arrows in order to obtain our outrageous fortune. Whether the trap is laid by a nefarious, lightning-wielding Sith Lord, or the trap is a wall we must breach within ourselves, we can remember the brave Admiral and his warning and find the strength to overcome.

Bazzzinga:

“Noooooo… NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Darth Vader- Star Wars- Return of the Jedi

History is always written by those in charge, just because you’ve seen an event
take place and know what truly happened, doesn’t mean that it is how it will be
remembered for generations to come. Just like Darth Vader you may shout NOOOOO
at the injustice happening before you, but unlike Darth Vader you can’t throw
the old bearded cadaver responsible down a bottomless shaft. So in the end you
just have to move on and accept that you can’t change the tinkering of history
by those in charge but you can always preserve the evidence of the way events
truly happened. In other words, keep those Laserdiscs safe!

The Amazing Rando:

“Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.” Bruce “Don’t call me Ash” Campbell, from Army Of Darkness.

I find this to be an exact statement as to the strength of a society. It always comes down to, not how good or evil a society is, but rather the strength of it’s character. If a society is evil, but weak militarily, we never take it seriously, even if that society has threatened us in the past. Do we attack Iran, or South Korea, no, who do we attack, Afghanistan and Iraq. Why? Was it because they were evil? No, if it was about evil there are lots of other nations who are doing even more heinous things than simply being a society that tolerates evil acts. Was it because they were hurting their people? No, several nations on this planet routinely rob, rape, and even kill it’s citizens, we don’t attack these countries. When we boil the problem down it is simply this, we’re attacking these countries because they had the strength to hurt us! Us, the United States of America, a nation that could easily destroy the entire planet. The USA is a nation that possesses the largest nuclear arsenal on the planet, and we are fighting a bunch of people who have little to no military to speak of. So why do we attack such a weak nation, not because we’re good, not because they’re evil, but because they had the strength to make us feel pain.

So, I find myself going back to Ash’s words, and I came to the realization that it is not how good , or evil a society is, but rather how strong it’s character is, and whether or not it can hurt another nation.

DH:

“Who knows? Who knows anything?”

With these tart words, Archimedes the owl (The Sword in the Stone) neatly encapsulated the basis of philosophical skepticism. There is no possibility for certainty in knowledge; no truth is knowable. Shall we suppose that we are but brains in vats, kept alive and fed chemical stimuli by a mad scientist? After all, Nolan heard you like dreams, so he put a dream in your dream so you can dream while you dream. We roam a dark city, propelled forward by memories not our own; we sleep in eternal utero, feeding machines our vitality. Who knows? Who knows anything?

MattKerr:

“Cambot, give me Rocket #9” – Joel/Mike, Mystery Science Theater 3000

People tend to live like they’re stranded on a satellite in space, just watching movies (almost always bad), not wondering how you eat and breathe (or any other science facts), y’know, just relaxing. But it’s a phenomenally large universe out there, and if you’re not careful, you might miss out on the wondrous things just outside your little satellite. If you have a chance to change your perspective, do it. You just might find something amazing you never knew was out there.

Wedgie Antilles:

“The goggles! They do nothing!”
-The Simpsons

This seemingly innocuous quote shows the frailty of relying on technology in our modern world. Indeed, life was simpler back in the ‘good old days’ when we weren’t so dependent on our little electronic baubles.
Similarly, it is a warning against, as the age-old adage states, putting all one’s eggs in one basket.
As the great modern philosophers The Offspring have taught us, you need to keep [your eggs]separated!

Oneiromantis:

“I hear it’s amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw
space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-Kiri Rock. I need
scissors! 61!” – Colonel Roy Campbell (Sort of), Metal gear Solid 2

Even when you have made the most detailed plans for something in your life something could always happen that will be too crazy to properly comprehend and will make you see life from a different prespective making all that plans obsolete. Spend more time actually living than thinking about living.

Brittney Stoneburg:

“Okay, you just jumped, what you’re doing there is jumping – nevermind. Just say ‘apple'” – Wheatley, Portal

The apple has long been a literary metaphor for sin and temptation – to partake of this sweet fruit is to symbolically give in to baser desires, to reject common wisdom for the thrill of the forbidden*. Here, faced with a moronic A.I confused by your demonstration of basic motor functions, you are offered this fruit freely (metaphorically of course; said moronic A.I lacks hands with which to offer you an actual apple, sadly) whilst being cruelly reminded of your inability to speak. Thus, the apple loses it symbolic temptation – in its place we find the act of jumping has become its own rebellion, and as you bounce about on your Long Fall Boots, no doubt confirming the A.I Wheatley’s assessment of brain damage, you as a test subject have successfully demonstrated your considerable free will – which you will promptly lose as you are ushered into the testing facility once more. But it’s the thought that counts.

*Aperture Science is currently researching the symbolic meaning of lemons. So far, studies have indicated “hellfire” as a very distinct and combustible possibility.

Boredlizzie:

“Manfred, I’m sick and tired of your bees swarming on my property!” – Hargrove, from MST3K episode “The Deadly Bees”

Message: Not all of us have the best social skills. In fact, some of us geeky folk plain suck at confrontation. So the next time your bff needs to return all those issues of Transmetropolitan, speak up! When a casual acquaintance asks you for the thirtieth time today to help you with “computer problems”, say no. Be firm, stand your ground, and don’t let people take advantage of you because you’re “so good at X” or “such a nice person.” You don’t have to put up with the Manfreds of the world who let their bees swarm all upons you willy-nilly. Bees: do not tolerate them, whether they are deadly or just being assholes.

TheLastStarfighter:

I know—Han Solo: Empire Strikes Back

Knowledge is power. For look at the wise men or the village elder they are not tricked or deceived by the young. They years of experience and wisdom overflows in abundance. They lead without doubt as they command the greatest resource ever: knowledge. To the young: do not rush into things before proper planning. Take time and learn to gain the upper hand in any situation. Even the poor man eats in spirit when he has gained wisdom. With this you can destroy your enemies, conqueror a land and allow you to obtain whatever your heart desires.

The rest of the HMs and winners are on the next page.

—-

Not Nerdy’Nuff:

“I’m so sick of Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name!”
–Pam the vampire, True Blood (AKA Twilight with fucking)

Because ladies, there will never be two (or more) ridiculous hot guys fighting over you while you once again stumble over your own feet and almost kill yourself in the simple act of locomotion. Be glad that not having two ridiculously hot guys after you means you can enjoy the simple things in life. Like walking. Speaking in coherent sentences. Not almost dying every 5 seconds.

BobJ:

“Brain and brain, what is brain?!” — Kara, “Spock’s Brain” ST:TOS Season 3.

Indeed. Could a more existential question have been asked? It gets to the very core of who we are. Are we more than basal ganglia and firing neurons? Is “the mind” only a phantom concept created biologically, to help us poor dumb animals dare to leap into the void beyond the fire that protects us, and up to the very stars themselves, convinced of our superiority? Or is there more? Is the mind part of the fabric of the universe itself, and our destiny is to become truly one with the cosmos?
Or maybe it’s just the confused and frustrated rantings from a mental midget. I dunno.

Tome Minder:

“How wude!” -Jar Jar Binks

Even if you are a 6’5″ salamander horse from an aquatic civilization, you deserve the right to be treated with proper respect and dignity. It doesn’t matter if you are a composite of the worst stereotypes to plague humankind in the last few centuries and have brought countless suffering to Millions of moviegoers and nerds everywhere, you still deserve to be treated fairly. By declaring the rudeness of our persecutors we nerds can share in JarJar’s attitude of entitlement and desire for equality, we too can make our presence known and fight for what we know we deserve.

Tredlow:

“Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A” – Konami Code

Life is a videogame. If you cherish both the good stuff (The Ups) and the bad stuff (The Downs), and accept the fact that everyone has different opinions (some are on the Left, some are on the Right), and Be Awesome (B, A) to everyone, then life will be easier.

Anthony Eldridge:

“I have come to chew bubblegum and kick a$$. And I’m all out of bubblegum.” Roddy Piper, “They Live.”

When one is young, life seems more carefree. Days filled with happy memories, laughter, the security of family and the company of good friends. These days are like bubblegum. Like CHEWING bubblegum in fact. Then, one day, something happens. A tragedy. A life-altering experience. Something that nudges us towards adulthood. Some that puts us in the position in which the only true option, the only choice that we can live with is to kick a$$. It’s a surprising moment, to learn that one is meant for more than chewing bubblegum. But the secret is that we are born for BOTH chewing bubblegum and kicking a$$. The happy, carefree days and the days wherein lie hard decisions that we carry with us for a lifetime. We enter this world with a dual purpose. We have ALL come to chew bubblegum as well as kicking a$$ and much like it says in the Serenity Prayer, we need the wisdom to know the difference.

Ichitai:

“WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!” – Brickhousebunny21

This simple statement has so many layers upon layers of meaning that it’s hard to condense it down to just one entry, but I shall try. “WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!”, a statement that when taken literally…makes no sense at all actually because it murders the English language in such a unique way. But it’s asking a question, a question which all of us have wondered at some point or another, and that question is, “WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!”. However, it has so many other implications, I would even dare go as far as to say that, while it might not be the answer to the meaning of life, it certainly is the question. It is universal in meaning and applicable in nearly any situation. But there’s a deeper level of meaning beyond that. Certainly, it asks a question on a literal, philosophical, and even a theological level, but this question also says something about the one who asks it. The message it gives about the one daring and courageous enough to ask it is this, “I am what they call the best of the best, so mock all you want, but I have my fans, and they lvoe me.” Truly a daring statement. This level of entitlement and humbling use of grammar all in three simple words could only be properly utilized by someone befitting the title of Philosopher King. I dare say that anyone who would think to ask this question in any public manner has truly seen beyond the veil. This new-age philosophy can teach us so much about ourselves, our lives, and about little girls fucking their adopted Pokemon. Some would say this quote has no meaning, but I say NAY! I say, it has more meaning than any question ever asked since the dawn of man. So, the next time you see an injustice in the world, a tragedy, or any other moment of great emotional conflict or ennui, I ask of you to stand up and utter one simple question: “WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!” And don’t you dare leave until you get an answer.

Gyran Gymble:

“Oooh right, it’s actually quite a funny story once you get past all the tragic elements and the over-riding sense of doom.” – Duckman (Jason Alexander)

You could dismiss this as an almost forgotten one liner from a rather obscure late night cartoon show but upon looking deeper (1) you will see that it is a complete summing up of humanities, or indeed any species that has managed to achieve sentience sufficient to relay complex ideas to one another, eternal quest for knowledge.

Duckman is actually parodying Newtoms second law of F=ma in that he is stating that it is impossible to hear the humourous story without also hearing the tragic elements as well.
To put it simply:
(Tragedy/Comedy) x Individual = Event
Event x Audience = audience^2 (Tragedy V Comedy)
Q.E.D. (3)

Also we must take into account the fact that without the tragic element of the story there is the very real possibility that the Comedy waveform itself will fall flat and have much less of an impact However I don’t want to take up your time with more mathematical equations, especially since at it’s heart this is a philosophical question.

The answer is that humanity (4) needs bothe Comedy and Tragedy in order to learn the desired lesson and gain the proper knowledge from the experiences of the individual thus benifiting the group as a whole.

Notes:
(1) You can’t read between the lines because it’s a one liner. You might be able to read between the letters but that would mean you are in the Matrix and I can’t help with that
(2) Unfortunatly this must include the Velociraptors from Jurassic Park.
(3) Ten minutes on this damn thing and I’m not sure I got it right. Curse you theoretical algebra!
(4) Used here as a blanket term and, as stated in point 2, including the Velociraptors.

ThePreacherSchevia:

“Samantha Brown! You have to get out of here! Your vagina is haunted!” ~Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose #53

Ladies, your integrity is important. You know this, as do we all. But sometimes there will be men or women that won’t care about your integrity and will go to hell and back just get with you. Some will use cheap parlor tricks and suave moves to woo you. Others will use modern medicine to make you forget what will happen in the next six hours as they have their way with you. And still others will just be certified douche bags and hope to claim you that way. Remember this: you don’t want to be haunted by terrible memories that’ll affect your romantic life in the present and the future. If you’re looking for fulfillment in love, beware of those that’ll give you a warm welcome and then treat you like a ghost upon your next meeting. And if need be, treat yourself like a haunted house to those douche-bags and asshats until you find the right Ghostbuster who’s ready to believe you and cross those streams. So flee from uncaring asshats, and remember: you’re special.

bATZARRO:

The nature of life is one of constant conflict, competition, and ideas. The concept of peaceful coexistence is an illusion kept in place to keep those unwilling to fight unwilling. A highly individualistic and ruthless approach is what is necessary to succeed.

Or as Nathaniel Burke from Steel(1997) put it: “Eat the hot dog, don’t become it.”

Skindog1701:

“Understanding is a three-edged sword.” — Vorlon ambassador Kosh, Babylon 5

To put it simply, it means ‘your side, their side, and the truth.’ Too often we rush to judgement on ideas, people, or situations. Other times we simple accept things at face value. This quote reminds us that there is always more than one side to a story and that we need to make an effort to see things from not just our perspective but from other perspectives too, in order to truly understand one another.

stace limaru:

“GIVE ME YOUR FACE!”
Optimus Prime, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Whatever it is we’re dealing with in our daily life, we’re always presenting – and therefore risking – our “face” to our friends, peers and family. And not just our own, but those who are dear and close to us as well. The Fallen’s humiliating defeat ends up badly for the whole Decepticon army.

Even though a lot of people like to say that – or act as if – they don’t care about their image and what others said about them, it will always be an important aspect of our social life whether you like it or not (since it can have a significant impact if you don’t look after it). A lot of politicians and celebrities have been caught on saying or doing some stupid shit that made them lose their face and dignity, which hurt their lives or careers (or both) in the long run. So you’ll have to actually think about what you say and do in your life, be a wise person, and not to get into stupid and foolish mistakes, so that no one can take your face from you. Because once it happened, it might screw your life up in the end.

Philister:

“I’ve never seen anything this beautiful in the entire galaxy…. All right, give me the bomb.”
— Ultra Magnus, The Transformers, episode “Fight or Flee”

Ultra Magnus gives a reflection on the ultimate flutility of existence, as beauty is fleeting and even the most serene and peaceful place in the universe can be brought low with a single, well-placed bomb. Though at the same time he, who is a soldier first and foremost, still takes the time to appreciate the beauty he is about to destroy. He lives in the moment, even in the midst of battle, and knows that if but one sentient has taken the time to appreciate the myriad wonders the cosmos holds, then it was ultimately worthwhile.

OpenPalm:

“Spooooooon!”- The Tick

The battlecry of the hero, and thus of all of us who seek to be the hero,should exude their essence and philosophy. The battlecry impresses our view of the world upon those around us and the world itself to live up to it. So what about the spoon makes it special?

The spoon does not seek glory. When people speak of their meal experiences, no one mentions the quality of the spoon. But without the spoon, no eating of some foods (like soup can be done). The soup is a necessary part of the eating experience and it accepts it’s role. The spoon does what it does because it is it’s wish–not for any external motivation.

Likewise, The Tick accepts his role as a cog in maintaining the creamy justice poured over The City’s nooks and crannies. He does not expect reward or fame, nor does he desire it. What he does comes simply from a love of what he does, not from a wish to be famous, or feared or wealthy. This is a lesson we should take to heart–to genuinely and sincerely choose something that we love and do it for it’s own sake without any expectations. Only then can we truly enjoy the experience of every moment we live in.

Meddler:

“This guy are sick.” ~ Aerith Gainsborough, Final Fantasy VII

Too often, language will get in the way of understanding. Despite what all of our high school English
teachers may have told us, the secret to making ourselves understood does not
rest in impeccable grammar or in flawless punctuation. These things, while normally useful, may get
in the way if applied without sufficient forethought. One classic example is the generic ‘he’ or ‘man’ used to refer to singular entities
of an unknown or unspecified sex. While
grammatically correct, this has the downside of seeming to exclude women from
consideration or even shunting them off into an inconsequential side
category. This tenet remains a fixture
of English, even though it has been flaunted by such luminaries as Jane Austen
or William Shakespeare. The institution
that is language becomes fixed in the hands of academics. So concentrated are they on maintaining a
firm grip on it that they lose out on its true function: communication with one’s
fellow man, woman, wolf-thing, or cat-robot.

Kyball:

“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your
calculations.” -The Hobbit

In a nutshell, this can be summed up as “Don’t get ahead of
yourself” but it’s more than that. As close as your ultimate goal may be, don’t
rush forward without taking care to complete all the steps. Tolkien is touching
on the idea that taking the quick and easy way out may get you ahead in the
short term but the repercussions of leaving out an essential step can be
devastating. That missed step can come back to bite you in the ass (or in the
case of a literal dragon, burn your ass) and will trap you in a seemingly
impossible situation to escape from. On top of that, all sorts of new problems can and
probably will arise. So, do the work in the proper order and you’ll be fine, get
cocky and you’re pretty much fucked.

Kevin Hellions:

“I did it thirty five minutes ago.” Ozymandias, Watchmen

Don’t put off anything. Don’t say I’ll start the diet tomorrow, or I’ll launch my own site on Monday, etc. Do it today. Take advantage of your mental motivation and do it now. There are no guarantees, not for you to feel driven to do these things at the future self imposed date. Nor is there a guarantee for a tomorrow. For tomorrow a giant alien squid could change everything in the world.

And now the winners…

Wmcgee:

“I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!”

In 14th century, the popular travelogue “The Travels of Sir John Mandeville” first introduced the British to the Hindu Ratha Yatra temple car, a huge wagon that hauled the statues of Krishna and his siblings. According to the apocryphal tale, some Hindus were so devout that they would cast themselves before the wheels of these huge vehicles and be crushed. Inspired by the image of these unstoppable wagons riding over the mangled bodies of the faithful to the Jagannath Temple in Orissa, the British coined the term “juggernaut” to describe someone or something that inspires such blind devotion, merciless sacrifice, and crushes everything in its path. And in 1965, “X-Men” inroduced readers to Cain Marko, who gained superhuman strength and invulnerability–thanks to a mystical gem that channelled the power of the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak–and became the Juggernaut. Inspired by the feats of this unstoppable force, fans enjoyed seeing the Juggernaut finally verbalize his spiritual lesson in not just a Youtube video but also a Brett Ratner movie. “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch” proclaims the unstoppable force to his bitch–but like the devout Hindu, the bitch is crushed, yes, but the bitch also becomes the road on which the Juggernaut must ride. Without the Juggernaut, there is no bitch; without the bitch, there is no Juggernaut. The spiritual lesson in the Hindu, Christian and Marvel traditions is clear: when we trust not in our strength, but in the strength of our own personal Cyttorak; when we embrace our own sufferings to become a part of something greater–only then can we take pleasure in our embitchening; for when we are weak, only then are we strong.

I honestly don’t know what to say other than that I’m in awe. Seriously, I want “Without the Juggernaut, there is no bitch; without the bitch, there is no Juggernaut.” on a t-shirt. Or a graduate thesis. One of the two.

Swiftswifty22:

“Wolfman has nards.” -Monster Squad

This is indicative of the fact that we are all created equal and that, often, your weakness is also that of your enemies.

Beautiful in its simplicity, elegant in its insight, amazing in its use of a quote with the word “nards” in it. And the thing is, it makes perfect sense. Seriously. Swiftswifty22 has come up with a real, legitimate, good lesson out of “Wolfman has nards.” Outstanding work, sir. May scholars study this for decades to come.

And that, as they say, is that. Congrats to the winners, who will be receiving a copy of Geek Wisdom and a TR t-shirt, and thanks to everyone who entered.