?From Ash’s boomstick to Jayne’s beloved Vera to the BFG of Doom fame, the annals of nerdery are full of awesome guns.Guns can also be pretty damn scary, depending on who is using them for
what — they can make a normal person look badass and can be a
character-defining prop. If you are The Punisher, guns are how you do
business. Batman? Not so much. In the real world, some nerds make fancy prop replicas, while others enjoy instigating Nerf war in the workplace.
While nerds and guns are oftem a deadly combination, deadliness takes a back seat to silliness for the moment. Some guns are made just for fun, not killing. These types of guns are the subject of today’s list.
Please note: To qualify for the list, the gun in question must not be intended for killing, and must be made with a sense of ingenuity or fun in mind — so things like phasers, which are partially designed to be lethal, don’t count. Neither does the Alliance’s sonic rifle from Firefly; while non-lethal, it isn’t particularly fun. That said, we’re sure we missed a few so please feel free to fire off your favorites in the comments.
10) Makeup Gun, The Simpsons
?Leave it to Homer to combine two things that should never, ever go together. First of all, it’s a gun that’s designed to be pointed into your own face and shot. Second of all, the make-up dispensing gun has “whore” as one of its settings — not exactly great marketing there. In the wise words of Marge, “Women don’t like getting shot in the face.” Not that the makeup gun wouldn’t be a riot to use on your friends while they’re sleeping, though.
9) Medigun, Team Fortress II
Wielded by the enjoyably insane Medic of Team Fortress II, the Medigun gun has the distinction of doing the opposite of what most weapons are designed to do: It’ll patch up your injuries in a jiffy! (Can’t make ribs grow back, though.) By itself it’s a benevolent tool, but combined with the Heavy Weapons Guy becomes an ingredient for the deadliest of team-ups. A must-have for any mad practitioner of non-conventional medicine, but the real fun would be the ridiculous things you could do with confidence knowing you could be healed seconds later. Throw yourself through a plate glass window? Car surf? Shoot your friends in the junk with a paintball gun? The consequences would be delightfully quick with the Medigun. Suffice to say, the Jackass guys would likely have loved having one of these around.
A distant relative of the Gravity Gun (which is gun used lethally 99% of the time, or else it would be on this list), the Aperture Science Handheld
Portal Device (henceforth referred to as the “portal gun”), has
limitless potential for problem solving and sheer enjoyment purposes (as
we speak someone is writing another disturbing fanfic about it). But
just think of the instant access to the library and comic book store the
portal gun could grant. And the amount of gas money saved! What, that’s
not exciting enough? Go skydiving without a plane. But regardless of
what you do with the portal gun, plan carefully and remember one of the
most misleading statements ever uttered by a deceitful computer: “Thanks
to the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, the impossible is now
7) Freeze Ray, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
The freeze ray is the perfect weapon for the type of villain Dr. Horrible started off as. It’s quaint and has endearing malfunctions and it’s lovably quirky, since it’s not what you think of when you hear “freeze ray” (typically an ice weapon wielded by the likes of Mr. Freeze, Captain Cold, or Johnny Snow). Just imagine if you could somehow smuggle the freeze ray into a nightclub and stop everybody mid-groove. Or freeze politicians in mid-angry yell and stuff their mouths with marshmallows. The sheer shenanigan-potential is off the charts with this one. Of course, by the end of the film it went from fun experiment to serious villain death ray, but since it wasn’t intended to kill people, we’ll give it a pass.
6) Dr. Jonas Venture’s Shrink Ray, The Venture Bros.
Yes, this is the shrink ray that has a sticker of a picture of a shrink ray on it. In true Venture style, this weapon is mostly a failure and malfunctioning most of the time. But it’s used with hilarious effect in the “Magic vs. Science” contest between the Drs. Orpheus and Rusty Venture, changing Billy Quizboy’s head and body size to look even more awkwardly out of proportion. This gun can also shrink lungs (and other organs, no doubt) for added entertainment value.
5) Mr. T’s Snickers Gun
Though not quite Dr. Richard Gatling’s original design, Mr. T’s Snickers cannon does provide a hefty multi-barrel candy bar assault. Imagine using this to dispense candy to neighborhood children on Halloween. It’s over-the-top, excessively ridiculous, and begets many a pun about nuts. But are the candy bandoliers included? And can we maybe get one in Butterfinger or Kit Kat?
4) Point of View Gun, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Problems? The film version of Hitchhiker’s Guide has them in spades. But it also has fun ideas from Douglas Adams, one of which is the Point of View Gun. The person shot with this gun is forced to see things from the point of view of whoever is holding the gun. In the film this is used to try and resolve arguments (in fact a consortium of wives frustrated with their husbands invented it). This gun has real potential when telling jokes, though. Suddenly all of those “it was funnier in my head” moments would be funny to everyone else, too. It is the answer to the question “What were you thinking?” in gun form. So with this gun and careful aiming skills, all Michael Bay fans would finally see where we’re coming from, a goal so noble we had to include it at #4.
3) Orgazmorator, Orgasmo
There’s not many guns that are more fun than one that instantly induces sexual bliss in its targets. One zap from the Orgazmorator and you’re instantly in the happiest of places. As Matt Stone and Trey Parker demonstrate in the hilariously inappropriate tale of Mormon porn star-themed superhero flick Orgazmo, a gun that can cause orgasms is not only fun, but also useful for incapacitating your foes in combat (we’d go a step further and declare that it could very well be used to facilitate world peace). Bonus points for singing “Now You’re a Man” while using this gun during ultimate fun time.
2) The Transmogrifier, Calvin and Hobbes
?The water pistol-turned Transmogrifier gun appeared when Calvin decided to make a more efficient version of his previous cardboard box model. It took him all morning to invent. For some reason (most likely hilarity) Calvin gave this thought-operated gun to Hobbes to turn him into a pterodactyl. It doesn’t quite go as Calvin planned, but instead results in one of the most entertaining shape-changing battles ever (right up there with “Sword in the Stone” and “Willow”). In fact, they become so wrapped up in the transmogrifier battle that they lose track of who is Calvin and who is Hobbes. Calvin’s long-suffering mother laments that the gun lacks the ability to transform Calvin into anyone with an ounce of sense.
1) Bowel Disruptor, Transmetropolitan
?What could be more fun that a gun that fires orgasms and a gun that can do anything? A gun that does one thing, and that thing is pooping. When fired, Spider Jerusalem’s Bowel Disruptor makes its targets soil their pants instantly. While simple, the gun has a wide variety of settings, as shown above — and yes, there is a “Fatal Intestinal Maelstrom” setting, although it’s rarely if ever used. You might be wondering if a bowel disruptor is genuinely more fun than the Orgazmotron, if orgasms aren’t inherently more fun that pooping. The answer is yes… if you’re aiming at your self or friends. Say you come across Michael Bay. Would you rather give him an orgasm or make him shit his britches? Yeah, that’s what we thought, too.