?Hi, I’m Ethan Kaye. You may have read one of my lists. At this point, I’ve been writing daily lists for Topless Robot for three years. I have no idea how many lists I’ve written for the site, but it’s a lot, and they all require either an image search or a video search.
And bizarre pics come up every single time. Search for “Batman” and pics of Charro come up. Search for “Pawn Stars” and you get pictures of dog teeth. So I did a search for good ol’ “Topless Robot” and here’s some of the choice image search cuts. The big rule: it can’t have been an image that was featured on the Topless Robot site itself, although that can’t always be authenticated. Quick warning: Although all these images are safe-for-work, some employers might be less forgiving of you looking at crude drawing of topless anthropomorphic cats than others. View at your own risk.
8) Hokkaido Poo Bear
?Topless Robot has featured Hokkaido Poo Bear in the past, with our recap of the NY Toy Fair in 2008. This showed up in an article about that article, which means someone said, “I need supplementary evidence that a Japanese bear that enjoys playing with poo. Look, I believe you Rob, but my readers need a cartoon image of a shitting bear to increase the value to my site.”
7) Beanbag Star Trek Next Generation
?La Forge: “Captain. There’s a ring in my nose. I feel this is degrading.”
Riker: “My chin’s so weak. So..so weak. I feel like an undeveloped fetus.”
Picard: “I look like fucking Charlie Brown trolling for dick at DragonCon.”
6) Tit Patrol/Robot Pope
?Just looking at this couple, I know it’s not going to last. Oh, I know what you’re saying, it’s the same thing I say every so often: “Man, this naked tit punk rock cat chick walked into the club, and I knew that we were meant to be together, like, forever.” But what this Robot Pope doesn’t know is that she’s not really into him. He’s probably got a friend who’s waaaay hotter and has a better dope connection. She’s take his money, sure, but it’s not love. It’s not love, Robot Pope. But I know…it felt like love, for a brief, shining moment.
5) Power Rangers Shame
?See the Pink Ranger there? See the way those gloves are dirty? And how her hands are up to her face? That’s degradation right there. The rest of the Rangers had their turn with her. Now she’s reduced to inviting paying strangers to her suburban home to bang her. “Please, ” she asks, “Wear the mask. It’s…the only way that it feels right.”
?Quite possibly the least creative robot design ever, raping a Spider-Man with a stumpy leg. “Tickle the balls, Spider-Man, m’boy! PARKER! Get a picture of Spider-Man tickling my balls while I cornhole him! PARKER! Where is that boy?”
3) Big Amish
?Neither a robot nor topless, unless this Amish guy comes to life and takes his top off for tips. He’s barefoot, which is a good start. But hey, it’s good to see something come up that isn’t all futuristic. Oddly enough, a search for “Topless Amish” is very disappointing.
2) Child Molesting Robot
?On one hand, this is what a robot would say if your grandmother’s brain was implanted in it. Grammy likes Werther’s Originals and, hey! Robot Grammy likes them too! Good thing we saved her brain. On the other hand we have no idea whether or not the robot’s pleasure circuits are stored in its “tray.” Grab those hard candies, son. That face says it all. This robot knows it’s banned from the playground. He’s had some run-ins with the cops before. It’s one more strike and he’s off to jail, and child-molesting robots don’t get treated well in jail. But the urge is too strong. Please son, it pleads. L-l-look in my tray.
?Fuck. Yes. This robot is where it is fucking at. Make you a drink? You’re damn right I will, human friend. I’ll do my little jazz dancing and them we’re going out and playing some paintball. You and me, bro. I’m the robot that’ll make your dreams come true. Because you and me? We’re down like that. Unreal as shit, son.