Game Trailer Trifecta: Trine 2, Soul Calibur V, Final Fantasy XIII-2

? In case you were worried that Atlus’ lush 2-D platform/fighting game Trine 2 had somehow stopped looking gorgeous since the last time I posted a video preview of it, well… don’t.

? This is a new “story” trailer for Soul Calibur V, in which it’s revealed that the story of Soul Calibur V is pretty much the same fucking story as Soul Caliburs 1-4. Goddammit, I am so sick of Siegfried fighting Nightmare I could plotz. You know, when Soul Calibur first came out and Siegfried had taken possession of Soul Edge from the undead pirate Cervantes, and turned into the evil Nightmare — and Soul Edge had transformed from Cervantes’ double-blade to Siegfriend’s preferred two-handed sword — I was blown away. I loved the idea that different characters would could gain control of Nightmare, and that it could shift into different weapons, and that perhaps a new character would “win” Soul Edge at the end of each game, and become the next game’s villain — like, maybe the boss of Soul Calibur III would be a demonic version of Mitsurugi or something. Instead, it’s been the goddamn Siegfriend and Nightmare show game after game. Goddammit.

? Here’s some shit about all the lush environments FFXIII-2 has that FFXIII didn’t, which I will not be seeing because fuck Final Fantasy XIII right in its fucking Hope-hole. PS — if you’re thinking that all I really wanted to do in this article was bitch about SC5 but then half-heartedly inserted two other game videos to pretend that I was actually trying to report news…. well, I probably wouldn’t deny it in a court of law.