Fictional Educational Opportunities: And the Winners Are…

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?First of all, many thanks to OtherTees for sponsoring this weekend’s TR contest with their Imperial Academy t-shirt, on sale shortly for $12. Second, let me remind you all to pay attention to the number of entries you’re allowed; while going over still enables you to get an Honorable Mention, you can’t win. This is partially because I’m lazy and need to limit entries so that I can manage to judge the contests in a reasonable timeframe, but also because I want everyone to have an even playing field, and also because I don’t want to reward someone for breaking the rules when most folks care enough to follow them. A few people who might have won had they stuck to three entries might’ve didn’t.

And that’s your educational TR contest tip for the day. Now it’s time to educate yourself with some HMs and the winners, located in the classroom immediately after the jump. Please bring a sharpened No. 2 pencil.

These Honorable Mentions all brought an apple for teacher! Teacher would have appreciated gin more, though.


Gender Roles and Masculinity, University of Eternia, Grayskull campus.
It’s taught by Bow.
With occasional guest lectures by Ram-Man and Fisto.

Breaking, Entering, & Demolition 501
Prof. S. Aran, University of The Galactic Federation
Formerly University of Zebes
Formerly University of SR-388
Formerly University of Ceres Space Colony
Formerly University of BSL Station
Formerly University of The Bottle Ship
Formerly University of Phaaze
Formerly University of Dark Luminoth
Formerly University of Tallon IV
Formerly University of Beatrix III
Formerly University of K-2L


Starfleet Academy: Redshirt 101 – Accepting Death With Dignity

Scooby University: Introduction to Strange Noises. Guest lecturer Norville ‘Shaggy’ Rogers will read from his book “That Was Not The Wind Man! When Has It Ever Just Been The Fucking Wind?”

Online School For Arkham Asylum Security Guard Training. No experience needed. Earn your degree in hours.Soon you will be watching over the most dangerous people on earth with only a billy club and a set of easily lifted keys. Got to definitelynothejoker to start your new career today!


Ohtori Academy: How to Know When You Are Being Raped Through Metaphors


Starfleet Academy: Your alternate-dimension self and you.

Game Grid Driving School: Why a right angle might be the wrong angle? AKA Derezzing the myth of 90 degree driving.

Sum Ellis Ock:

Miss Cheerilee School for Ponies:
-Stranger Danger! Beware Hairless Apes/Winged Unicorns that will try to rape you through the realm of clopfiction!

James Johnston:

How To Convince Everyone You Don’t Own A Windowless Van and Seriously I Watch It Because It’s a Quality Show – A Brony Course.


The Unseen University- Plausible Deniability 101, Ethics of Assassination 102


Shire Regional High School- Why It’s Good Enough Right Here 101

Orthanc Technical Institute- Trebuchet/Catapult Repair

Barad Dur Academy- Evil Metalsmithing and Jewelry Design (Advanced Placement)


Skyrim’s School for the Socially Depraved: How To Kill a Chicken and Get Away with It

Nobody No-One:

Bayside High – Defense Against the Glam Arts.


Gallifrey Academy: Flamboyant Earthling Fashion (And How To Rock It)

The Fan Fiction Writers Institute Of America: Philosophy 101 – “Whose Indeed?”

Arkham City School For Girls: Advanced Butt


Dean Winchester’s School of Hard Knocks: How to Retain a Lifetime of Both Mommy- and Daddy-Issues (Pre-requisite course: Subtextually Erotic Brotherly Co-Dependence)

Samuel Vimes City Watch Academy: How To, If Not Kick Arse, Then Seriously Prod Buttock (Pre-requisite courses: either Captain Carrot’s “Comprehensive Examination of the Laws and Ordinances of the Cities of Ankh and Morpork”, or Corporal Nobbs’ “Kicking The Buggers While They’re Unconscious and Taking Their Boots While You’re At It”)


The Hylian Academy of Hyrule – Chicken Studies 101: respecting nature’s deadliest predator

Mon Mothma’s School for Bothans – Advanced survival skills.

The Henry Jones Jr. faculty of archaeology – Digging’s for losers; lets rob a temple and fight Nazis.


Jedi School of Observation – How to Recognize your Sibling

Black Mesa Social Academy – Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking

Institution 16, The Grid – Dealing with a New Operating System

Nostromo’s Second Android:

Professor Rob Bricken’s Adult Money Management Course 101: Being a Respected Internet Nerd; Meanwhile, I Still Have Not Played One Hour in Skyrim and It’s Almost February…Seriously.


Gathering University: How to get ahead of your opponents.
– Professor Ramirez
– Mandatory class in order to graduate.
– Warning: There can be only one!

Justin Rogers:

Raccoon City Community College: Mixing Herbs 201: Introduction to Blue Herb


ComicsNix’s Academy of Fan Fiction. It’s an eight-year course of rigorous discipline and dozens of classes on the art of fan fiction, none of which include a single lesson on anatomy.


SCHOOL: Deep 13 College of Mad Science
CLASS: Advanced Minion Resurrection by Dr. C. Forrester


Raccoon City University – Business Ethics: why you shouldn’t kill potential customers with a zombie virus


The Silverleaf Institute’s Library of Geneaology: Finding the guy who nailed your mom at a LARP event 101.

Mike Haggar:

I actually attended Floren-Gilder University, where I had a full course load, including:

Surviving the Fireswamp: Know the Three Dangers
Swordplay 101: Right to Left-handed, From Bonetti’s Defense to Cappa Ferro
Grammatical Fallacies 302: the words you keep using, and why they do not mean what you think they mean
Land War in Asia: A Study of the Classic Blunders
Alchemy 214: From Iocane Powder to Miracles on a Budget
Anatomy 110: Discerning “Dead” from “Mostly Dead.”
Starting War: A Prestigious Line of Work
The Classic Thinkers: Plato. Aristotle. Morons.
Pain: A Definitive Work on the Subject, with guest professor, Count Rugen.
The Life and Times of Prince Humperdink: Humiliations Galore
“As You Wish,” A study in Farmboy Psychology: What he really means


Startfleet Academy Engineering 101. This class will last 15 weeks, but you can tell them it’ll take at least 30 (and you can probably get it done in 10). Students will learn the basic of engine maintenance, liquor appreciaton and miracle working.


Baker Street Academy: Detection 221B, with Professor S. Holmes, including lectures on Sarcasm, Isolating People with Scathing But Brilliant Deductions, Sulking, Shooting Indoors, Keeping Body Parts in Your Fridge, and the Proper Way to Swirl a Longcoat.
Special Guest Lecturers: Dr. J. Watson, “The Art of Stoicism: Dealing with a High-Functioning Sociopath as a Flatmate”

The School for Successful Evil-Villainry: Drama 202, “I Did It Thirty-Five Minutes Ago”: The Art of Evil One-Liners,” taught by Prof. Ozymandias.
Pre Reqs: Must have successfully completed Drama 200, “Monologuing: How It Can Cost You Everything” and Common Sense 101, “Just Shoot Him Already: Avoiding Overly Complex Schemes.”


Trantor Institute of Science – Psychohistory 101 as taught by Hari Seldon – “I predict you’ll have fun in this class!”

Josh Z:

Nameless Henchman University
Advanced Wilhelming: Perfecting Your Death Scream


Star Fleet Time Travel Core Courses

TT 101: (prereq TT 701, 501, 201) Many Me: Alternate universe or a different timeline?
TT 201: (prereq TT 701, 401, 301) Mobius Dick: Untangling Timelines and Causality Loops
TT 401: (prereq TT 501, 101) Tempus Fudgit: Fixing the Timeline (And Your Grades, Too)
TT 501: (prereq TT 601, must be taken concurrently with TT 201) So You Think You’ve Created A Paradox
TT 601: Beginning time travel.
TT 301 no longer exists
TT 701 will not be offered for 25 years


Miskatonic University – “Speech of the Great Old Ones for Business Majors”.
Instructor: Dr. Waldron.
MWF, 8:00 – 9:30 a.m.
Course Description: Prospective students will learn the speech of the Great Old Ones, from the vagueries of Azathoth to the gibberings of Yog-Sothoth, and how to apply them in the business world.
Prerequisite: Must have second tongue graft from Dr. West.


History Seminar: A guide to the four, eight, thirteen, twenty, twenty-eight, forty, fifty-seven main characters and races of Randland. (The Wheel of Time)


TAHS: Tokyo Anime High School
History Courses: How to survive in the Fuedal/Warring States Era when time traving
Metal Shop: How to repair swords guns and Mecha/Giant Robots
PysEd: Mix Martial Arts/Sword Fighting (with edged weapons)
DriverEd: How to work a Mecha/Fighter( air & space)/Spaceship
Girl’s Sex Ed: How to survive tenticles
Boy’s Sex Ed: Dating a Real, Artifical or Catgirl
Boy’s Sex Ed: Surviving a outrage girl’s punch
Boy’s Sex Ed: How to tell when a girl like you
Boy’s Sex Ed: How to get the girls to agree to a Harem


Hyrule Hero School: Hitting a chicken 101, You better stop hitting that chicken 202, Now look at all these chickens 400.


Miskatonic University, School of Cryptozoology
EGS-CTHL-101 Greeting Rituals of the Elder
GodaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!?????ffffffrrrrrrrppllAAAAAAHHHHlllllllll^bubububAAAAAAAAAHHHububub?#)ds;alfAAAAAHHHHkjs afnvnvrAAAAAAAHHHuyru h34
?1AAAAAAAAAAHHHe??niner*(! > Q |
Instructor: Dr. Henry Armitage
Fall Semester, meets Wednesdays 6:00-?14:AAAAHHH!!:92 PM

K.L. Droscha:

Walking (101): which focuses on the Imperial March, the Walking Dead, and why one does not simply walk into Mordor….

Emily B:

The Ekumen University:The Study of Advanced Gender Relations on Gender-less planets (Left Hand of Darkness)


Hogwarts: Mathematics, Psychology, Geography, Grammar, and Other Subjects That Are Very Important But Aren’t Magic Related and Are Unexciting To Read About 101.
Teacher: Hagrid or something.


Cid Highwind’s School of Aviation.
Classes Include:
-Introduction to #%!%^!
-Intermediate $&^#ing!
-Advanced Tea Etiquette…^*%$ers!

Dr. Asimov:

Banzai Institute: The Watermelon & Its Many Uses


Dirk Gently’s Holistic High “Padding Expense Accounts to Understand Fundamental Interconnectedness”


The George Lucas School of Filmmaking offers a fantastic one year programme. You just show up on the first day, stand in front of a green screen, and the classes are added digitally over the next 12 months. And if you’re not happy with the final outcome, that’s OK, you can just change it later.

Joe Spencer:

Tim Kring School of Drama Writing: Coherent Plot Writing and How to Avoid it


Bender’s Rube Psych 101: How to Get a Bunch of People to Sign Up for a College Course, Then Run Away with Their Money (private course, limited entry)


Miskatonic University: Underwater Basketweaving. . . for Evil

Scooter Atreides:

Valley Lodge University (Go Fighting Satyrs!)
Domestic Maintenance 101: Taking Care Of The Place While The Master Is Away
Physical Education: Full-Contact Nightgown Wrestling
Grammar 101: Proper Use Of Quotation Marks (Elective)
Comparative Religion 212: What The Heck Is “Manos”? And Why Do We Worship Him Again?

Ben Cohen:

Avengers Academy- “Maintaining Relevance In Spite of Not Being Iron Man”

Command School- “(Seriously, this is just a) Game Theory 101”

Admiral John:

Imperial Academy Droid Identification 101: How to recognize the droids you’re looking for


Instructor: The Hulk
Class: Introduction to Smashing

The fundamental concepts of smashing will be discussed in a series of 15 monosyllabic lectures. Students will be taught the evolution of smashing from pre-historic times through to the atomic age and develop a complete understanding of the finer principles of smashing.

Note: Prerequisite course only. No actual smashing will occur until next semester’s Advanced Smashology, during which students will attend a weekly Smash Lab. Students who bring their own smashables will save on lab fees. Any student caught smashing with a hammer or other foreign object will be expelled. And probably smashed.

And the winners!


Hogwarts: Defense against “Defense Against the Dark Arts” professors.

Sunnydale High: Health Class or How to convince your parents to move out of this God forsaken town.

Forks High School: Smiling 101

It was a helluva way to kick off the contest, but Smurfageddon set the pace and got the readers’ vote.


Adult Learning Center – Defeating Contra 101 – to get to room, go up two flights of stairs, down next two flights, first left to first right, then first left to first right again until you see room BABA. Select it and we’ll start at 2:30.

I think this entry’s genius is self-explanatory.


University of Hyrule: ECON 102: Hedge Funds and Other Shrub-Based Income Sources

I assume Alex1000000000 isn’t the first person to make the LoZ/hedge fund joke, but I believe he’s the first person I heard it from, and he certainly used it perfect in this week’s contest.

Well done, winners, and thanks to everyone who participated. And thanks to OtherTees for sponsoring this week’s contest with their Imperial Academy shirt; if you didn’t win, you can pick it up here in just a few hours for a mere $12, and don’t forget to add OtherTees to your new-nerd-shirt-every-short-period-of-time bookmark group while you’re there!