Hasbro Just Justified Michael Bay’s Horribleness


Say what you want about Michael Bay and his Transformers movie — I certainly have, it’s kind of the reason I have a job right now — but my biggest gripe has always been his lack of regard for the franchise. And I’m not talking about G1 versus other incarnations, I’m talking about Transformers itself. Basically, it boils down to this: Michael Bay presented Transformers in a way Hasbro felt was inappropriate for their toys, which seems to be an essential mishandling of what the movie is supposed to be. Basically, if Hasbro wasn’t comfortable releasing a pissing Bumblebee action figure or a Devastator with testicles, I figure Michael Bay shouldn’t have put it in the movie, case closed.

Or so I thought. Because Seibertron just revealed Hasbro’s My First Transformers, a preschool line of very simple, very homely Transformers, including Racer-kun, who, well…


?…clearly has testicles.

So all right. My apologies to Michael Bay. I thought Hasbro maybe didn’t want their long-running kids toyline to have clearly defined genitalia, but now they’re putting nuts on toys for ages two and up. I guess you’re never too young to see a robot teabag John Turturro.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.