Michael Bay Is the Nerd Devil, Part 2


?Remember how Michael Bay said that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the next TMNT movie he happens to be producing won’t be mutants or technically turtles at all, but aliens? Well, after the fan outcry across the nerdernet, Bay took a moment to reply to all us whiny babies on his official site:

“Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the
script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of
Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax,
we are including everything that made you become fans in the first
place. We are just building a richer world.”

First of all, it’s worth noting that Bay is not clarifying his previous comments, so all those people desperately pretending that Bay meant alien in the sense of merely foreign or alienated — as if Bay could possibly have the capacity to use a word’s lightly subtler definition — no longer have that luxury. Alien is alien, and the next TMNT will star aliens.

Second, of course Michael Bay thinks that suddenly turning long-running, beloved characters into aliens somehow equals an “expanded and more complex back story.” No, Michael, that’s just different, and in this case, “different” also means “totally contradictory with the title of the series.” No, I haven’t read the script, but unless the script makes them not aliens, then you’re not including everything that made people become fans in the first place, you’re needlessly changing what made people become fans in the first place. Making the turtles aliens does not create a richer world, it simply messes with one of TMNT‘s few core concepts, and pisses fans off. And listen, I don’t think any nerd will deny that TMNT is pretty fucking goofy, and you can make the Turtles serious or funny or violent or goofy and star mutants and ninjas and aliens and really, whatever. The sky’s the fucking limit. About the only thing you can’t do with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is make them non-teenaged, non-mutants, non-ninjas, or non-turtles. Which you’ve done. So, in summary, suck shit.

The best part about this is that like Transformers, I have no real fandom for TMNT; I just hate Bay’s dickery on principle. God forbid Bay ever touches a franchise I really care about. You think I hate now? Jesus. Topless Robot would turn into nothing but me vomiting rage-blood through your monitors. (Via Coming Soon)