TR Contest: The Wacky, Wonderful, Impressively Inaccurate World of Michael Bay

?Well, you knew this was coming. Your contest: Put Michael Bay in charge of any nerd property, and explain how he would fuck it up.

This is tricker than you might think. Michael Bay does not get everything wrong — for instance, he would not turn ThunderCats into LightningDogs. He would, however, turn Lion-O into Shia the Beef’s pet cat, who is secretly a prince on another world, and can transform, and he ends up taking Shia on a magical adventure that’s totally on Earth to stop Mumm-Ra, who is masquerading as the evil CEO of Thundera Industries. And there are a lot of litter box jokes. And also Panthro is a really racist stereotype.

So that’s the key: taking out what Michael Bay judges not cool, and putting in what Michael Bay thinks is cool — i.e., explosions, the military, breasts, racism, etc. There’s also getting some things wrong, or adding shit he thinks is funny because he has the mentality of a not particularly bright 13-year-old boy, such as peeing and balls. You’ll really have to get inside Bay’s head to win this contest, so god have mercy on your soul.

One entry per person — I figure we’re going to have a lot of entries based on the same franchises, so I want to keep the playing field as open as possible. Try to keep the entries reasonably brief, as always. The contest ends at 12:01 am EST on Monday, March the 26th. Have a good weekend, everybody, and don’t forget that Fringe comes back tonight, and ThunderCats returns tomorrow. Watch ’em while you can.