TR Haiku Contest: And the Winners Are…
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After I announced this weekend’s contest, I immediately felt bad for running a contest that was so self-indulgent. Then I started reading the entries, remembered I’m an incredibly conceited person, and got over it. The haiku submitted to the contest included far less specific FFF references than I expected, but there were plenty of great entries about how FFF makes you feel (bad, sad, drunk, etc.) and more than a few about the site in general, which I appreciated. Surprisingly, very few of you were mean to me, which is nice but now I’m suspicious you guys are planning something insidious. Hmm.
Do these mentions have extra honor because they’re the first official contest with the new shirts as prizes? No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.
Dr. Abraxas:
in depths of abyss
in agony tormented
you scream FFF
Mech5:
Dark caves of mystery
Lightens up boron buttocks
R2? Still in there
SlyDante:
Bricken sees Bay’s work
Says “WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS???”
Legacy is born.
Doc:
With typos aplenty
And bourbon from the bottle
Friday is coming
TheRam:
Last month in VegasAdorned in my TR shirtNo one commented 🙁
Friday evening hereBoyfriend playing Star Wars gameNot lonely with Rob
Ridureyu:
I want a t-shirt.Give me my t-shirt now, Rob.Or I am naked
Bazzzinga:
Disqus is loading…Um, Disqus is still loading…Hurry the F*&%? Up!Furries on webcamInflatable SupermanWe have angered Rob
Izandra:
Wasting time at workI open Topless RobotHorrible mistake.I loved you, Japan.Now thanks to Topless Robot,Love you no longer.Ev’ry daily listRob’s blamed for omissions, but…He doesn’t write those.Fan Fiction Fridays!There be not enough brain bleachTo cleanse my ruin’d mind.Thousands of liversAll cry out in agonyEvery Friday.
infrafan:
I always wonderedWho got to second base withThe Topless Robot
Mark Poynter:
Chance of winning shirtSame as Murray reprisingDoc Peter Venkman
BobJ:
My expanding gutMade my old shirt far too smallIt is my wife’s now
Gagagalvatron:
TR FTW!OMFG, FFF?CUL8R FAP
skrag2112:
Its Topless RobotWhere childhood goes to get rapedEvery Friday
Owlx:
Love is lasagnaThat’s what I feed to my soulLove is lasagna
Vatea42:
Opened site at workFront page had Tardis DildoH.R. should call soon.Shameless PanderingTron! He-Man! New York Giants!T-shirt means no shame
Boredlizzie:
The world will not endUntil The Doctor DancesTo Star Wars Kinect
VindicaSean:
Placeholder. EntriesNot written yet. When I thinkOf something, it will go here.
Luke:
Time for a mash-upAllons-y, MotherfuckerTime Lord John McClane
Chris Besler:
TR blocked at workA horrible tragedyMy own Alderaan
Brando Lars:
Robert Jordan DeadCan of Pringles on each handwhat a way to go
Matt Wells:
Curse you Rob BrickenO.C.D. dictates: New shirt?Gotta catch em’ allIn darkest Bat-CaveSmashy plots to steal awayOur fucking shirts. Prick.
Paul F:
I once won a shirt.You want to know the secret?Humiliation.
Ophidian:
Rob, please don’t punishme for Michael Fucking Bay.Love, your sad liver.
Justin Rogers:
Rocket boobs fireSpouse thinks its a porn siteOnly on fridays dearA FAQ started floodRob wanted Michael Bay’s headRobots dont have balls
Kaoy:
Lum the alienHer hips sway as he jigglesWatch Rob’s tattoo dance
Rejones1207:
Abandon all hope,Fan Fiction Friday readers,Of healthy boner
Sfranch:
Crisp, new TR shirtI cackled when you arrivedNerd cred in shirt form!(Hey buddy, raise eyes.It doesn’t take that long toRead words on a shirt)My go-to clothingEvery weekend, giving meYears of joy, but now…My prized t-shirt isAll frayed hemlines and small holes.Clothe me again, Rob.
Arivalscientist:
After May the 4thWill Rob finally admitHe likes Joss WhedonRob made a new shirtThat means old shirt is vintageE-Bay here I come
DoctorSmashy:
Daily lists dailyTackling important issuesNamely: Joel or Mike?A haven for ourNews, humour and self-loathing.Shame about the name
Dirty John:
My fic’s on TRWho is responsible this?I wanna know now!
Ming Cheung:
Haikus are easyBut sometimes they don’t make senseTopless Robot Shirt
OneMinuteGalactica:
A robot had sexwith a whiney, raging nerd,and this site was born.***These things I require:Nerd news, humor, self-loathing.Thanks, Topless Robot***I am a robot.I am fully nerdified.Also, I’m topless.***How do I love thee?Let me count the ways…oh wait.Robots only hate.
Niel J. Jacoby:
One Sunday MorningAll I have’s my TR shirtChurch: super awkward.
The Droids You’re Looking For:
Someone approachesClose the screen so they don’t thinkI like robot porn.
Berkowitzjonah:
Three college degrees,What do I spend time doing?Writing dumb haikus.
Selaphiel:
I love robot boobsOh my God, Topless RobotMisleading title
Remy Zane:
Fear leads to angerAnger leads to hate, and thenTR updated
JeffJefftyJeff:
Now everyone knowsthat “WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS”has six syllables
Louie Ramos:
Nothing worth saying,fuck it just post some old vid,Now to fap to Tron.
Monte:
Seldom safe for workPunctuation unevenStrangely compelling
Pterodactyl111:
FFF was funUntil one day I noticedI was numb inside
Hellhound:
A glowing fingerinches closer to Rob’s faceWhy, E.T? Why?
TierneyG:
shirt design at bestlooks like a pregnancy testresult on your chest
Cheesus:
My winning entryreferences Arya StarkBatman and He-man
TheFlashIII:
Robb Briken rites and laffsAt Topples Robut nerdd nuesEditer know si
JediCreeper:
There once was a manfrom Nantucket who did notfit in haiku formyeah, the first one wasnot about topless robotstill it made me laugh
JokersBoner:
Why the fuck do ibother to entry contests? Robjudges like drunk whore
Gort:
What am I doing?I’m browsing Topless Robot.No, it is not porn.
Daniel Dean:
This trailer looks goodBut let’s you and me agreeStay pissed anyway
dingos8mytardis:
Every nerdy thingI wanted to see todayAnd some I did not