TR Haiku Contest: And the Winners Are…

After I announced this weekend’s contest, I immediately felt bad for running a contest that was so self-indulgent. Then I started reading the entries, remembered I’m an incredibly conceited person, and got over it. The haiku submitted to the contest included far less specific FFF references than I expected, but there were plenty of great entries about how FFF makes you feel (bad, sad, drunk, etc.) and more than a few about the site in general, which I appreciated. Surprisingly, very few of you were mean to me, which is nice but now I’m suspicious you guys are planning something insidious. Hmm.

Do these mentions have extra honor because they’re the first official contest with the new shirts as prizes? No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.

Dr. Abraxas:

in depths of abyss
in agony tormented
you scream FFF

Mech5:

Dark caves of mystery
Lightens up boron buttocks
R2? Still in there

SlyDante:

Bricken sees Bay’s work
Says “WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS???”
Legacy is born.

Doc:

With typos aplenty
And bourbon from the bottle
Friday is coming

TheRam: 

Last month in Vegas 

Adorned in my TR shirt 

No one commented 🙁 

Friday evening here

Boyfriend playing Star Wars game

Not lonely with Rob

I want a t-shirt.

Give me my t-shirt now, Rob.

Or I am naked

Disqus is loading…

Um, Disqus is still loading…

Hurry the F*&%? Up!

Furries on webcam

Inflatable Superman

We have angered Rob

Wasting time at work

I open Topless Robot

Horrible mistake.

I loved you, Japan.

Now thanks to Topless Robot,

Love you no longer.

Ev’ry daily list

Rob’s blamed for omissions, but…

He doesn’t write those.

Fan Fiction Fridays!

There be not enough brain bleach

To cleanse my ruin’d mind.

Thousands of livers

All cry out in agony

Every Friday.

I always wondered

Who got to second base with

The Topless Robot

Chance of winning shirt

Same as Murray reprising

Doc Peter Venkman

My expanding gut

Made my old shirt far too small

It is my wife’s now

TR FTW!

OMFG, FFF?

CUL8R FAP

Its Topless Robot

Where childhood goes to get raped

Every Friday

Love is lasagna

That’s what I feed to my soul

Love is lasagna

Opened site at work

Front page had Tardis Dildo

H.R. should call soon.

Shameless Pandering

Tron! He-Man! New York Giants!

T-shirt means no shame

The world will not end

Until The Doctor Dances

To Star Wars Kinect

Placeholder. Entries

Not written yet. When I think

Of something, it will go here.

Time for a mash-up

Allons-y, Motherfucker

Time Lord John McClane

TR blocked at work

A horrible tragedy

My own Alderaan

Robert Jordan Dead

Can of Pringles on each hand

what a way to go

Curse you Rob Bricken

O.C.D. dictates: New shirt?

Gotta catch em’ all

In darkest Bat-Cave

Smashy plots to steal away

Our fucking shirts. Prick.

I once won a shirt.

You want to know the secret?

Humiliation.

Rob, please don’t punish

me for Michael Fucking Bay.

Love, your sad liver.

Rocket boobs fire

Spouse thinks its a porn site

Only on fridays dear

A FAQ started flood

Rob wanted Michael Bay’s head

Robots dont have balls

Lum the alien

Her hips sway as he jiggles

Watch Rob’s tattoo dance

Abandon all hope,

Fan Fiction Friday readers,

Of healthy boner

Crisp, new TR shirt

I cackled when you arrived

Nerd cred in shirt form!

(Hey buddy, raise eyes.

It doesn’t take that long to

Read words on a shirt)

My go-to clothing

Every weekend, giving me

Years of joy, but now…

My prized t-shirt is

All frayed hemlines and small holes.

Clothe me again, Rob.

After May the 4th

Will Rob finally admit

He likes Joss Whedon

Rob made a new shirt

That means old shirt is vintage

E-Bay here I come

Daily lists daily

Tackling important issues

Namely: Joel or Mike?

A haven for our

News, humour and self-loathing.

Shame about the name

My fic’s on TR

Who is responsible this?

I wanna know now!

Haikus are easy

But sometimes they don’t make sense

Topless Robot Shirt

A robot had sex

with a whiney, raging nerd,

and this site was born.

***

These things I require:

Nerd news, humor, self-loathing.

Thanks, Topless Robot

***

I am a robot.

I am fully nerdified.

Also, I’m topless.

***

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways…oh wait.

Robots only hate.

One Sunday Morning

All I have’s my TR shirt

Church: super awkward.

Someone approaches

Close the screen so they don’t think

I like robot porn.

Three college degrees,

What do I spend time doing?

Writing dumb haikus.

I love robot boobs

Oh my God, Topless Robot

Misleading title

Fear leads to anger

Anger leads to hate, and then

TR updated

Now everyone knows

that “WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS”

has six syllables

Nothing worth saying,

fuck it just post some old vid,

Now to fap to Tron.

Seldom safe for work

Punctuation uneven

Strangely compelling

FFF was fun

Until one day I noticed

I was numb inside

A glowing finger

inches closer to Rob’s face

Why, E.T? Why?

shirt design at best

looks like a pregnancy test

result on your chest

My winning entry

references Arya Stark

Batman and He-man

Robb Briken rites and laffs

At Topples Robut nerdd nues

Editer know si

There once was a man

from Nantucket who did not

fit in haiku form

yeah, the first one was

not about topless robot

still it made me laugh

Why the fuck do i

bother to entry contests? Rob

judges like drunk whore

What am I doing?

I’m browsing Topless Robot.

No, it is not porn.

This trailer looks good

But let’s you and me agree

Stay pissed anyway

Every nerdy thing

I wanted to see today

And some I did not