You have over 5,000 words of entries to read from this weekend’s contest; it turns out there’s a terrible, nth-tier member of Batman’s rogues gallery in each of you, just waiting to come out and commit some kind of highly specific, totally ridiculous crime based on your ridiculous criminal name. I approve. Again, much thanks to FigureoftheDay,com — the GroupOn for daily deals on toys and collectibles — for sponsoring the contest, and offering two Dark Knight Rises Headknockers and one awesome Dark Knight Rises statue to the winners! Now, get a firm hand on your Bat-pole, and slide down past the jump for this weekend’s HMs and winners.
What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? What the hell do you think these are? These are the goddamn Honorable Mentions.
Frederick S. Newcombe III:
Nega Batman- Opposite mirror mirror type Batman who dresses in white, is always chipper and will only take on elderly women to be his side kicks
The Auditor. The villain who tries to get Batman on the fact that all of his equipment has to be a fortune yet no taxes are filed. He’s always defeated by Batman’s greatest weapon the Bat-Benjamin Franklins.
Name: The Jazz Hall Ghoul (say it out loud)
Powers: Being extremely un-memorable
Hideout: Plays backup trombone in one of the Penguins shittier nightclubs.
Backstory: When his music career failed to take off John Coaltraine turned to a life of crime. His one and only attempted robbery was actually a success though only because Batman forgot he was there. Ever since he has been in the background of some of Gotham’s more famous moments though no one ever seems to remember him being there.
At one point he attempted to gain some notoriety by changing his name to Felonious Monk but the name never stuck and has since skulked in the background earning him his current moniker.
A bully all his life, Pennington “Penn” Chur had a particular fascination for abusing people’s nipples. A life time of indulging his sadism left him with thumbs and fore-fingers far stronger than those of a normal man. Naming himself “The Twister”, he had a brief career as bank robber before he ran into Batman, who faced him down in a special suit with fake rubber nipples that even The Twister could not pinch through.
Nuts & Bolts – These twins have more than a few screws loose. Nuts favorite move is the scrotum pounding t-bag while Bolts relies on his 691 body piercings full body suit of armor for protection. Assembled they pack the hardware to secure any situation.
Weaknesses: Icy Hot and Magnets
“El Barto” a dastardly villian who repeatedly calls the bat-cave requesting the likes of “Mr. Freely, first initials I.P.” and asking about the status of the refrigerator. So far he is still at large.
Inspired by Joker and Riddler, this criminal mastermind’s career was cut short due to the fact all his confrontations with Batman began as follows:
(waits for “Who’s there?”)
*gets punched in face*
Big Jim Slade:
The Gas Man. The Gas Man has the ability to raise gas prices at will. Just this past week, he raised gas prices 30 cents per gallon! Good luck operating all of those “wonderful toys,” Batman. You won’t be able to afford the premium gas! Muahahaha!
The clear night who makes sure Batman cant see the bat signal.
I.N. Ventor has created half of a remote controlled robot. In need of capital to complete the robot he send the bottom half out to kick over stores sell goods from the man he believe is keeping him down: Bruce Wayne. The Robot kicks in the stores door, crushes the cash registers until all the money falls on the floor and sucks the cash up using a vacuum in the bottom of the left foot. A camera built into the waist allows him a 360 degree view to see where he is and if his robot is under attack, a small turret sticking out of the waist allows for defense from attack. The name of the villain is
THE TOPLESS ROBOT
A drunk Ignacio Mendez stumbles upon a young Bruce Wayne, who’s crying over his dead parents’ body, and begins to make fun of the little boy and his current situation. Never forgetting the incident, Bruce Wayne swears to take revenge. Many years later, Batman eventually catches up to drunkard and unleashes years of pent up anger and frustration. Not having insurance nor money, his face is left untreated and is forever disfigured by the severe beating. People start calling him the “shitfaced shit-face”. Filled with extreme hate for Batman and the people of Gotham, Ignacio Mendez became the criminal/terrorist named “Cara de Guano” or “Guanoface”.
“Where ever the Bat goes, you’re sure to find GUANO!”
SOME PIG – While visiting his father in the Gotham’s meat packing district little Phill Orcine was accidentally subjected to..something bad and chemically. Child and meat merged (sounds like something Abraxas would write) forming the vile giant SOME PIG. He rose to infamy during a one day crime spree in which he destroyed the Gotham Stock Market, the Gotham Home for Unloved Orphans, torched the beef section of the meat packing district, kidnapped a nun, and then stole some nintendo wii wii wiis all the way home.
She-Face: Mob strong man Rocco Bernetti falls asleep after drinking with his friends only to wake up with makeup permanently tattooed on his face. In revenge, he becomes She-Face, master of gender bending crimes.
Continuing the trend of Gotham’s criminal underworld having a fetish for Alice in Wonderland for some reason, enters “The Dormouse”… a deranged criminally minded narcoleptic who chooses to hide the weakness of his crippling sleep disorder from the Batman with the thinly veiled notion he is staying in the character of the perpetually tired Dormouse from Alice in Wonderland… was last thwarted by the Batman in an attempted Bank robbery where he fell asleep at the vault door allowing for the quick escape of all 30 of his hostages, being sure not to wake him.
Current Location: Blackgate Prison… presumed sleeping.
Deranged math professor fired for his unorthadox teaching methods. He targets people based on phone numbers corresponding to the next 7 digits of a certain mathematical sequence. He had a short criminal career due to the fact that Batman figured the pattern out after one victim.
A Rabid Bat who lives in the bat cave. He solely attacks orphans.
Orphans with diseases.
The Aztec – Monty Zuma, descendant of the famous Mexican Aztec leader, Montezuma, wages a battle against Gotham by polluting the water and food supplies with bacteria.
Monte’s approach to cripple Batman is through the implementation of his “Montezuma’s Revenge”, which forces Batman to constantly take his suit off to go to the facilities. Batman ends up defeating Monte my creating a modification to the Bat Suit that allows him to fuel the Batmobile with ‘not-so-solid’ waste as he drives.
Poison Ralph – Poison Ivy’s cousin who received her power of affinity with plants via an emergency blood transfusion. While not as powerful as his more famous cousin, Ralph has become the bane of Gotham City’s gardeners due to his complete mental domination over crabgrass.
When bored housewife Page Turner discovers the mystical Scrap Note in a craft store parking lot, she assumes the mantle of Decoupage. Utilizing her vast scrapbooking skills, Decoupage creates a page in the notebook for anyone she wants to defeat, and can bring any of the decorations to life. Whether caught in a fusillade of deadly, oversized sequins or hogtied in a constricting web of rick rack, anyone facing Decoupage will find a truly crafty opponent.
In a special universe-crossing event, Decoupage teams up with Paste Pot Pete and Mucilage Man to form the Modge Squad, which creates some truly sticky situations for Batman.
Origin: A disgruntled pastry chef named Dermit-Allen Betus (D.A. Betus) turned to a life of crime after being laid off for his poor quality of work and lack of hygene. Like batman, he assembled an arsenal of weaponry, based on doughnuts. In reality, they were just doughnuts. His first crime was to eliminate his former boss. He succeeded, well by his standards. He walked into the bakery he used to work for, dressed in a dirty apron, hair net, Lone ranger mask and towel-cape, and threw doughnuts that were taped to his apron at his former boss. He later went on to hold the mayor hostage, which lasted a total of 15 minutes. He didn’t have a catch phrase, but he would use puns in speaking like “BAKE off Batman! You DOUGH-NUT want to get in my way!!”
The President Pack is a crime syndicate consisting of and Ghost Lincoln, Wolfman Washington, Bombas Jefferson, Deady Roosevelt and Richard Nixon. They travel in a walking robotic Mount Rushmore (Abe shoots missile from his nostrils) and go around turning everybody into the President, creating nationwide chaos. They live by the Declaration of Dependence Upon That Guy and also they have a T Rex called Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of KILL!!!
Second Hand Batman- One night while coming home from a concert with his parents a couple stray batarangs struck down his parents, leaving him an orphan. Now Second Hand Batman collects discarded batarangs and grappling hooks and tries to use Batman’s equipment against him. Only he has absolutely no training, so he mostly just runs around the city at night, hurting himself with Batman’s weapons, which only further fuels his hatred towards Batman.
“The Chiroptologist” constantly following Batman around to figure out his habits for a biology study he intends to present to the scientific committee so he can successfully get an intern ship working for Wayne Industries! IRONY!
Everyone knows the Joker but often forgotten are his former
cohorts the Toker and the Midnight Smoker. Ultimately the Joker, the Toker and
The Midnight Smoker (what smokes at midnight) were “highly” ineffective as a
team, so the Joker left the others up in smoke. The Toker and the Midnight Smoker
attempted a career of crime on their own, but gave that up in order to be
roadies for the Steve Miller Band.
THE SHOW-MAKER! This nefarious ne’er-do-well may be the mightiest monster ever faced by the Dynamic Duo. The Show-Maker was once a humble maker of beloved entertainment, until a chance encounter with the forces of darkness corrupted him. With the reality-warping power of CAMP, the Show-Maker broke the bat better than Bane ever could. Now, he’s back! Will the Batman be able to best his Bat-Nipples? Can the Caped Crusader clobber the Bat-Credit Card? Will the Show-Maker use his reality changing powers to change Batman’s very face again? Did the Show-Maker have anything to do with the Dark Knight Rises? All your questions answered next week, same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel!
“…the winner will be the villain that makes me want to punch myself in the face hardest.”
Punch-Yourself-In-The-Face-The-Hardest-Man has the ability to make you punch yourself in the face really hard (some would say it was the hardest they have ever been punched in the face!) A worthy foe for Batman, who is known for (among other things) punching people in the face pretty damn hard!
Professor Pickle. While working his shift at the pickle factory Dylan Q. Cumber slipped and fell into the pickle brine therefore turning him into a pickle skinned monster. After the accident he changed his name to Dylan Pickle and vowed to strike terror into the heart of gotham. His hideout is a giant pickle shaped building. He always gets caught because his hideout shaped like a pickle, it’s easy to find and it has no security.
Real Name: Fergie Turdsen
Abilities: Natural resistence to extremely unpleasant odors.
MO: Leaves exploding bags of fecal matter on the doors of Gotham’s wealthy elite. Sometimes armed with a high-pressure fertilizer-dispensing gun known as the “poop shooter”.
History: The daughter of a rich fertilizer company owner, Scatwoman grew up in upper crust society surroundings. But what would’ve been an easy life was made difficult by an embarassing child hood bowel disorder that caused her to be mocked by her childhood peers. She had the disorder surgically corrected in her teens, however, her psychological scars weren’t as fixable, and she developed an intense desire to payback those she felt were responsible for her childhood trauma.
Accomplices: Briefly employed a gang of thugs calling themselves “The Dingleberries”. Members included “Sinker”, “Floater”, “Runny” and “Dribblin'” (all aliases).
Canon-Fire! A villain who only attacks the elsewhere Dark Knights! Mack U. Rutt was a regular guy who loved Batman, until he read a comic that depicted the caped crusader pissing himself! His rage became such that he developed the power to enter the comic world to stop unfaithful batman stories from being told!
I will admit upon rereading this, Canon-Fire could very well be a hero.
Killer Crocs? – Lars Pennywhistle was an average low-level Swedish immigrant street goon in Gotham City’s underbelly who, before his transformation, was only really good as a minor character in a back-up story written by the comic editor’s stepson or something. One day as Lars’s boss toiled in the laboratory creating an impervious super villain suit out of a newly-invented foam resin, Lars snuck off to the side and dipped his loafers into the mixture. Lo and behold his new shoes were extra-extra-comfy and man, I really mean it when I tell you they were comfy for they were like clouds for your feet. Anyway, Lars showed them to his boss and told him they should all do it because it was like he wasn’t even standing! But shockingly he was mocked by his boss and the other goons and in a rage Lars stomped them all to death with his newly crafted shoes. Of course, Lars immediately blamed the Batman and set out to destroy the caped crusader wearing only his new Crocs? and a codpiece fashioned from the same material. He branded himself as Killer Crocs? and thought he looked really awesome with just the crocs and the codpiece because he was Swedish and a little buff and had always thought that The Warlord and especially Ka-Zar had awesome uniforms but he hadn’t told anybody that because people might think he was gay even though he was totally not. But once he donned the new getup he didn’t care what anyone thought about him, even the insufferable Batman, for he now had the power to crush his enemies or even people that thought he was kind of strange, beneath his foam-shod feet!
Captain Shuttlecock and her criminal kitty companion Bad Mittens! Munchma Quchi was a preeminent Ivy League feminist scholar and Olympic badminton player who, after having her dissertation on rejecting the final rhyming couplet of a sonnet to resist the heterosexual couple as a paradigm mocked by Bruce Wayne, donned her gender performativity rejecting alter ego to prove the power of operating outside of the instituions established by the patriarchy! She got away with everything unless Batman got involved because everyone else was too afraid of how they might look.
Batman: Homer Plate was a disgruntled factory worker who was laid off from his job at the baseball bat factory. Intent on getting revenge on the world he felt had wronged him, he took up the mantel of Batman.
His choice of name makes any discussion about him extremely confusing.
After a career of bad tips and quips about his pimply face, from the rich and the pretty, pizza delivery boy Stu F. Crust vowed to make Gotham as broke and ugly as he was. He became Pizza Face. He rides around the city on his huffy spraying the good people of gotham with his duel grease spewing gauntlets. He invades their homes and ensnares them in a gooey web of melted cheese allowing him to gather up all of their change in his greasy fingers. When batman shows up he fights back with his pepperoni throwing stars, but they are made ineffective by his shoddy aim and the pepperoni’s natural lack of penetration power. His lair is his mothers basement, there is nothing special about it.
“You better enjoy this next half hour batman, because your defeat will arrive in thirty minutes or less!”
BIZARRO RYAN GOSLING
Bizarro Ryan Gosling looks just like the flawless Canadian actor and meme inspiration who causes heart attacks in vaginas. Unfortunately for the people of Gotham City, Bizarro Ryan Gosling is a pansexual tiger lily who, unlike his counterpart, starts street fights and causes women to be hit by taxis. Batman is so conflicted by his feelings for Bizarro Ryan Gosling–constantly debating if he should break every bone in his body or hold him till sunrise–that he often spends hours on his blog, “FucknoBizarroRyanGosling,” debating the villain’s many good and bad points. Bizarro Ryan Gosling is currently dating Blake Lively, whom he won over when he said, “Hey, girl, me no human, but you so fly you make birds fall.”
Sin-Tax – Don’t forget that hyphen, it’s important. A former high school English teacher, Gregory Doops was your average middle-aged man with an unhealthy obsession with revenge films like Deathwish. After suffering a nervous breakdown when his garage door was graffiti-tagged with a horribly fragmented sentence, Mr. Doops hunted down the gang members responsible and beat them to death with typewriter keys that he’d had turned into makeshift brass knuckles, punching the correctly phrased sentence into their bodies. Now, he is the misspeller’s nightmare. In the daytime he’s still mild Mr. Doops, but in the night you can see him vexed by the grocery store’s window in his cloak, wielding a selectric typewriter-ball on the end of a staff he loving calls the clue-by-four (with hyphens), Sin-Tax enacts brutal vengeance on those who’d molest the English language.
Mild-mannered librarian Melville Twain was visiting the Gotham Nuclear Power Plant one Saturday afternoon when he accidentally left his paperback book in one of the labs. He retrieved it moments later, but little did he know it had been irradiated by Super Atomo-Rays. That night he got a paper cut from the book, infusing his blood with Atomo-Radiation. When he awoke the next morning, Twain discovered he had gained super-human strength to match his already impressive intellect.
Twain went mad with power and turned to a life of crime as the villainous Hardcover.
Only committing literature-related crimes, Hardcover is bound to do anything. His crimes are meticulously planned, with no margin for error. He is known to beat his victims to a pulp and the bloody aftermath is always spine-tingling and will scare the Dickens out of even the Hardyest man.
Hardcover was recently sentenced to serve time at Arkham Asylum, but he escaped by carving a gun out of a piece of Salman and then Rushdie guard. Though authorities were not surprised by this Wilde move, even Commissioner Gordon thought it was a novel approach.
Now Hardcover is on a rampage across Gotham, where he has informed the authorities that his next crime will be to kill a mockingbird. Who knows what this next chapter in Hardcover’s reign of terror will bring? Gotham’s only hope is that the Batman has sworn to bring a Swift end to Hardcover’s villainous plot, come Heller high water.
Presenting the Alleyway Annoyance, The Bowling Botheration, The Pin Prick:
Ken Ping, the Pin King
Born a small, slightly malnourished lad in a small, slightly malnourished Eurasian country, Kenneth J. Ping had one dream, and one dream only: to become a professional bowling star. As he could only receive one channel on the wire-hanger-antenna operated tv set in his ramshackle hut, Ken would tune in to the PBA broadcast every Saturday afternoon, which was Tuesday morning at 3 a.m. in Ken’s part of the world.
The dashing and charismatic stars of the Professional Bowler’s Association captured his heart and his imagination. Little Ken vowed to devote his life to training, which he acomplished by rolling the skulls of dead cats at empty tin cans in the alleyway behind his home. Upon honing his skills to maximum human potential, Ken chose the largest, brightest city in the world to make his professional debut: Gotham City!
Upon stepping off the plane at Gotham International Airport, he stumbled into one of the bi-weekly attacks by the Joker, or the Scarecrow, or whichever villain was using some sort of mind-wrecking gas or toxin or venom or what have you, and took a healthy dose right in the ol’ pie-hole.
Now Ken lives in the back of a bowling alley and throws bowling pins at people. And sometimes bowling balls. But not the heavy ones, because he’s got the carpal tunnel.
Two-Face’s deadliest two new henchmen, a pair of hispanic assassins who are also identical twins. One codenamed Juan, the other called Amal. They’re never seen in the same room together, nor do they attack the same target; because once you’ve seen Juan…you’ve seen Amal.
Hippocrates Stern aka “Hip Ster”. His calling cards: ironically out-of-fashion clothing, black framed glasses. His claim to fame: He was being Batman’s nemesis before it was “cool” to be Batman’s nemesis.
The Dire Hand-Dryer Defiler had traveled around the world, scratching certain letters off of hand-dryers in bathrooms so it read, “Push Butt. Put Hands Under Arm.” His feverish scratching with his tiny switch-blade knife had defiled every hand-dryer across the 52 universes until he came to the Goddamn Gotham from Frank Miller’s All-Star Batman. This Goddamn Batman, who actually spent a lot of his time giving out justice in dirty restrooms, found this Dire Hand-Dryer Defiler scratching up the hand-dryer in the filthy bathroom where Goddamn Batman had just finished defiling Black Canary with a GDBM of his own. He approached the Dire Hand-Dryer Defiler, read over his shoulder what he was doing, and smiled. He then took the switchblade, pushed it into the Dire Hand-Dryer Defiler’s butt, dragged his hands up to under the Dire Hand-Dryer Defiler’s arm with the blade cutting along the way, and used the sound of the hand dryer to mask the sounds of the Dire Hand-Dryer Defiler’s death cries and his own laughter. This script was never penciled and led to DC canceling any future issues of Frank Miller’s All-Star Batman. They also changed the locks on their doors.
The Spork: A mostly well rounded individual, but not too sharp. Steals all utensils and replaces them with his trademarked spork. His life of crime started as a youth after a KFC pack poked him in the eye, causing his eye to hurt for a few minutes.
METER MAID: She has the superhuman ability to appear next to wherever Batman leaves his various vehicles — outside a bank, on top of a building, in a sewer (chasing Bat-Shit, no doubt) — and give him a parking ticket. While you think this wouldn’t be a problem for a billionaire, Batman doesn’t want to leave a financial trail back to his secret identity. So he stops her by paying the fines in change.
The Dick Puncher – a Bludhaven villain who knows Nightwing’s secret identity.
Charles “Chip” Monk AKA The Chipmunk
Son of a wealthy vineyard owner, who’s business failed after a particularly horrible cold-spell devastated the Gotham area. Now calling himself The Chipmunk, Charles mounts daring heists to fill a pair of money pouches he keeps around his neck so that he can store up enough for the winter. His hideout is hidden inside a giant tree in Gotham City central park.
Robin: “Holy Toledo, Batman. It’s the Chipmunk!
Batman: “Careful, old chum, he seems a bit unhinged.”
Robin: “I’ll say. He’s totally nuts!”
Bitter with the fact that his research funds had been redirected to repairing collateral damage caused by Batman, herpetologist Stephen Nake decided to turn himself into the reptile who can be a most lethal bat predator… the Snake! To do so, he cut off his arms and legs. He’s currently vegetating in the Gotham Wayne Charity Hospital.
Lolcat and his right-hand henchman, Caturday. Spawned by surfing 4chan during a storm in which their dorm room was struck by lightning, these terrible fiends were driven mad and now perpetrate crimes while wearing cat costumes in order to photograph themselves in the act so that they may caption the photos and place them online.
Now serving a ten-year sentence in Arkham City Jail, they were finally beaten in their own game when Batman’s “I can haz Justice?” photo’s went viral.
He is known as The Enabler! He robs banks just to give Batman the thrill of catching him and constantly reassures him it’s totally cool that he deals with his grief by breaking criminal skulls.
That Guy – You know, that guy.
THE ANGLOPHILE: As mild-mannered head librarian of the city’s Public Library, Gotham-born Dr. Angelo File’s life is changed forever when a gas explosion leaves him buried in the basement stacks with only the Oxford English Dictionary and Debrett’s Guide to Etiquette for company.
He emerges months later (having mysteriously acquired a bowler hat, umbrella, and a tortuously affected British accent), before subjecting Gotham to a campaign of terror that involves systematically inserting the letter “u” into public signage, contaminating the water supply with teabags, and apologising profusely every time Batman punches him in the face.
SHARKLOCK HOLMES – Describes himself as a rival to Batman, but is only a charlatan who pretends to solve the crimes he commited in the first place. All the crimes of course have a water theme, cause he was bitten by a shark once.
The Deep Fat Friar – An obese and criminally deranged monk with a penchant for dissolving his victims in sweet, forbidden batter.
Mr Niece. After an accidental fall into the Appalachian gene pool, Mr. P. Squeal emerged as his own sister’s daughter. Armed with the need to feed little kids Tide Pods and sit on his own lap, Mr Niece can revel in the knowledge that Batman throws up into his mouth a little at their every encounter.
Bad Penny – David Brenner Penney
Hideout – The Obverse a Coin-Op Car Wash / Laundry Mat
Sidekicks – Heads, Tails and Wheat
Back Story – A lonely numismatist who despises Bruce Wayne
for ruining his Stamp and Coin shop The Sticky Schilling by being the social
magnate and millionaire that takes zero interest in hobbies, thus leading the
other millionaires to ignore his passion.
He could be a very
hard-core villain but gets hung up whenever he sees a Take-a-penny
Leave-a-penny or someone picks up a coin off the sidewalk causing him to go insane
with rage over the lack of respect for coinage. Usually captured very quickly while trying to
haul his coins from his robberies as Batman only needs to Bat-Cuff him and head
off to deal with the super-villains. He
usually captures Bad Penny during a commercial break or on pages that are taken
up by Advertisements.
Bruce the Hoon:
Lolcatwoman: this sworn servant of Basement Cat devotes her life to the spread of evil and the destruction of the English language. To date, her most dastardly deed has been breaking into the Batcave, photographing herself and her feline minions messing about with all of the equipment, and then posting the pictures online with strangely-spelled captions. Also, she left a bunch of footprints on the Batmobile. I believe she goes into battle like the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons, flinging cats at her opponent and screaming crazily. Lolcatwoman’s weaknesses include cheeseburgers, laser pointers, and those catch pole things with the loop on the end. Batman has also been able to capture her solely by setting out a cardboard box, which she will immediately try to crawl inside.
An especially diabolical adversary whose every crime consists of becoming close friends with her mark and engaging in flirtatious advances and faux-favoritism. Once the mark tries to take the relationship to the next level, she promptly denies any sort of romantic implications, and robs them blind while they’re dealing with embarassment and regret. Difficult to track or comprehend her next move as she’s often already with her next target as she’s finishing with the last. Typically lives with or near next mark, whether as a neighbor, servant, employee, or roommate. Always gets caught because she wants revenge on Bruce Wayne for friend-zoning her in the past. Has made several attempts at friend-zoning Bruce Wayne, often disguised each time with a different alias. However Batman inexplicably always catches her while Bruce Wayne is her mark.
Expert at getting into people’s lives, then ruining their pride and mental well-being
7-8/10, depending on who you ask
Sadistic Psycho Bitch (according to victim testimony)
Turns simply uttering, “You’re a nice guy,” and ,”Let’s just be really great friends,” into a deadly force of evil.
And now for the two runners-uppers, winners of the Batman Dark Knights Rises Headknocker courtesy of FigureoftheDay.com (and also a TR shirt)!
Mr. Txptlkyk. An all powerful, fifth dimensional tick.
Who admittedly is less of a “Batman” villain, and more of an “Ace the Bat-Hound” villain. But he’s still a Batman foe in that he’s always defeated by Batman, when he gives Ace a bath.
In the meantime, he uses his fifth-dimensional powers to pester Ace with tiny continuity inconsistencies that only he (and the readers) would notice.
I cannot tell you how much I love the idea of a multidimensional imp who’s as obsessed with Ace as Bat-Mite is with Batman; the fanboyish is just the bacon flavor in the dog biscuit. How this didn’t become a Batman: Brave and the Bold episode I’ll never know.
After his parents were captured and given the death penalty, Bryce Wein swore revenge upon all of Gotham City’s crimefighters, and roams the streets wearing a costume inspired by his greateast fear: Batman.
Unfortunately, he often gets mistaken for the real Batman, which causes him to be routinely beaten up by Gotham’s criminals.
Given that Batman fights Man-Bat, Bat-Mite and Batzarro, I see no reason why Batmanman couldn’t make an official DCnU debut. Tell me Grant Morrison wouldn’t have a field day with this. And then, five years later, he could make Batmanmanman.
But now it’s time for the grand prize winner, who will receive a 12-inch Dark Knight Rises Batman statue from DC Collectibles, also courtesy of the fine folks at FigureoftheDay.com (and also, to a much lesser extent, and TR t-shirt)!
THE PAIN STEM: Brain themed group of super villains including, PONS-Y SCHEME, with the ability to give his victims sleep paralysis and control their facial expressions, MIDBRIAN, able to disorient and give hot flashes, and finally MEDULLA OBLONGMAMA, the seductress able to cause vomiting and make Batman crotchety due to high blood pressure! They fly around Gotham in a giant Brain Blimp!
I have literally been unable to get the name “Medulla Oblongmama” out of my mind since I read Ramseysandwich’s entry, because it is so brilliantly, exquisitely awful. I love the idea of the whole Pain Stem team, but honestly, if he’s just written Medulla Oblongmama, he still probably would have won. That’s how amazing that name is. Medulla Oblongmama. Damn.
And that, my felonious friends, is that. Congrats to the winners, thanks to everyone who entered, and thanks most of all to FigureoftheDay.com
for sponsoring this weekend’s contest! If you want one great deal on an action figure or collectible every 24 hours, I highly recommend you check ’em out.