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Nerd Inc., Sponsored by Arcane: And the Winners Are…


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Nerdery is our business, and business is good! Assuming our business is getting you guys to think up ridiculously funny companies for fictional and nerdy characters, which my business is, technically. I guess you guys might not be so lucky. Anyways, while I regret letting you folks have as many entries as you wanted — as I always do — you guys didn’t disappoint on the hilarity.

Two things: 1) Much, much thanks to Arcane Movie Tees for sponsoring this weekend’s contest. 2) In case you missed it, they’re offering all you Topless Roboteers a rather massive 20% off their wide, wonderful stock of apparel. All you need to do is to enter the discount coupon code TR20 and you’ll be set. So if you haven’t headed over there and looked at their fine subtle and/or movie company logo tees, I highly recommend you do so. Now with that out of the way, I declare these contest results to be open for business! (Business.)


Welcome to Honorable Mentions, LLC.


mythbri:

? Sean Bean’s Death Scenes ‘R’ Us
? The Winchesters’ Family Counseling Services
“We put the ‘Fun’ in fully-functioning!”


skrag2112:

? Ender Wiggin’s Holistic Pest Control.
? Dalek Daycare & Nursery School
“YOU…WILL…EAT…YOUR…PUDDING…SNACKS…OR..YOU…WILL…BE…EX-TER-MI-NA-TED!!”
? The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Opened A Mortgage Brokering Firm.


Rpmarsh:

? Deadpool’s Chimichanga and Bullet Emporium


TheMidnightStroker:

? Come see the Xenomorphs at Ripley’s Believe It or Not!
? Dr. Ian Malcolm’s Automotive Customization (Must Go Faster!)


Dr. Abraxas: 

 ? Inuyasha’s Sandwich Shoppe,
home of the five dollar footlong

Lady Rainicorn:
? Walder Frey’s Family Planning Centre.

EyeballFrog:
Link’s lawn mowing service: free of charge*
*any rupees found while mowing lawn will be considered property of Link

Someguy:
? Edward Scissorhand’s Massage parlor – ask about our happy ending and free circumcision.
? Chi’s Computer training program : We boast a 100% male graduation.
? Lhasa’s insurance agency : Sometimes trouble just drops out of the sky.
? Joker’s Bird Kennel: Famous bird feed and special Crow Bar. 
? Scott Summers’ Marriage Law Specialist. When, “death do you part” gets confusing.
? ?????d ????d ????uo? ??o?n? s??s??d ? p??u
? Uatu the Blogger
? Starfire’s kissing booth: Ask about our other offers.

Arsenal:
? Link, Freeman and Chell Motovational Speaking

VindicaSean:
? Coulson Bereavement Counseling Center
? Hodor, Life Coach
? E.T.’s Scared Straight Camp
? Brown Automotive: “Making DeLoreans worth a damn since 1885”

ObeeKris:
? Phil Coulson’s Captain America Memorabilia Emporium – Specializing in Vintage and Hard-To-Find Items.
? Ra’s Al Gul’s Orphan Training Academy

RandomChance:
? Elektra’s Nachos, the best snack cart in town.
*ducks thrown furniture*
? The Jean-Luc Picard Art Institute
“The line must be drawn HERE!”
? Ryo Hazuki- Naval Recruiter
“I’m trying to locate some sailors.”
? Victor Von Doom’s Fruit Tree Pruning and Removal Services
Our motto is “Curse you, ORCHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!”
? Serenity Sandwich Shop and Fast Food Delivery
“Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time! And what kind of sandwiches did we bring?”
“Big Damn Heroes, sir.”
“Ain’t they just?”
? And now a word from Paul Atreides:
“The Sleeper has awakened! And it’s all thanks to my new company… Alarm Clocks of Dune!”
Also… I apologize in advance if this entry in any way leads to Brian Herbert and Kevin J Anderson actually writing a book called “Alarm Clocks of Dune”

Vatea42:
? Edward Elric’s finest Elbow Grease
? Dr. Manhatten’s Atomic Codpieces-Stays Attached Even When You Don’t.
? Bruce Banner’s Stretchy Pants Emporium.

Ryan Colson:
Daenarys Targaryen, Pet Detective:
“We’ll find your missing dragons!”

Andy:
Dalek Pest Control services

Daniel Dean:
Mordor Woks. “Simply the BEST!”

Sum Ellis Ock:
? George Lucas School of history revision
? George Lucas School of History Revision Special Edition
? George Lucas School of Digitally ENHANCED School of History Revision Special Edition
? Man-E-faces School of Acting: specializing in Classical Acting, the K-Stew Method, and the Bale Acting Method.
? Fisto M.D. Professional Proctologist. “I’m left-handed!”

Foxfire:
? Guy Gardening.
The Greenest Gardners in Town!

Galatt_the_great:
I’m going to hell for this one.
The Gwen Stacy Bridge Bungee experience
“It’s a Snap”

onychomys:
Egg Shen Petroleum: Black Blood Of The Earth for only $105/barrel.

RealaRegula:
“MANOS”: The Manicure Parlor of Fate.

Timely-Tardis lego:
Pinkamina Brand Cupcakes.
“A little bit of you is in every cupcake”

Bazzzinga:
Encoms Nor-Tron Antivirus 2012:
“I fight for the fully registered Users!” 
Aconite333:
Professor Oak’s Child Renaming Services.

Kegs:
? Lex Luthor’s Bulk Cakes.
Limit 40 per person.
? Aughra ltd. Makers of fine food and food-like products, including “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gelfling”
? Ninja Landscaping Company. “We’re a hedge!” 
Matt Wells:
Red Comet Zeonic Dealership: Used and New Mobile Suits to suit all tastes and price ranges. Their motto is “We can get it in any colour you want, so long as it’s Red! (or sometimes Gold).”

Darthbogus:
Jet Porkins Rebel Squad Flight School and Buffet

DoctorSmashy:
? Doctor Doom’s Home Improvement and Kitten Grooming Service
? Bruce Wayne’s All-Bat Pet Shop. For the man who desires about a thousand stray fucking cave bats

Brando Lars:
? Fifty Shades of May – May Parker’s Erotic Fiction Publishing
? Wilson Fisk’s Hand Jobs – If you’ve got the job, I’ve got The Hand.

Boss Fight:
Square Enix’s Chocobo-fil-A

Markpoynter:
Bat-Bail-Bonds
If their gonna break out of Arkham anyways, Bruce might as well make some money from it.

Christopher Holden:
Captain Reynolds’ Hat Emporium
“I swear by my pretty floral bonnets” – Capt. Reynolds

Markpoynter:
Swamp Thing’s Organic Farmers Market
“So fresh you can pick it right off me.” – Swamp Thing

Berkowitzjonah:
Inigo Montoya’s Custom Name Tags

Rachel McDonald:
Durnik’s Second Life Carpentry & Ironwork

Oreithyia:
The Tick’s Properly Moisturized and Tastefully Manicured Hands of Justice School of the Untouchable Spiral on the Fourth Down! Hurling Babies Into the Future Like Little Leathery Footballs of HOPE!
Inc.

Umbra_di_Angelo:
Scott Summer’s Laser Eye Surgery, “Trust Me: I’m a Profesional!”.

The Infinite Pet:
MORBO’S S.C.U.B.A. GEAR: SELF-CONTAINED UNDERWATER BEATING APPARATUS.

Chris Ward:
“A Lannister Always Spays His Pets” — Westeros Animal Shelter.

Matthew Nando Kelly:
Deadpool Demolition: The Fourth Wall is Free!

Axerogh:
King Zarkon’s RoboCat Scratch Posts:
Whether you need to sharpen your claws or a blazing sword; King Zarkon’s RoboCat Scratch Posts have been the number one scratch post brand since 1984.
(Under new management.)

Arsenal:
Ch’p Taxidermy

SuperBakaKing:
? Tyrion Lannister’s Big & Tall Clothing Outlet
? Logan’s Running Supplies

Ketsuko
:
Garrus Vakarian’s Extranet Harmony dating service – “our 150 point questionaire is designed to optimamally match your reach to her flexibility.”

AlgusUnderdunk:
? David Lynch’s Confusatirium. Fresh Cabbages.
? Pyramid Head’s World of Door Widening.
? Edgar Allan Poe’s Carpet World. Carpeting so good you WON’T tear it up in a guilt ridden frenzy.
? H.P. Lovecraft’s International House of P’thugacakes.
? M. Bison’s Law Practice. When you’re in court it’s the most frightening day of your life. For us, it’s Tuesday. Let us fight for YOU!
? Captain Planet’s World of Sandwiches. Ham! Pickles! Lettuce! Mustard! Low Prices! By your powers combined, I am Captain Sandwich! Captain Sandwich. He’s a gyro.

Dherbivore:
Hodor’s Hodor!
Hodor, Hodor, Hodor!

P. David Westbrook:
MOLA RAM Cardiology Center

Murphys_Law:
Dothraki Pony Rides. Available for Birthday Parties, Bachelor Parties, and for any blood soaked orgies.

Ronnie Lane:
Princess Celestia’s School Glue

GG:
Sam Witwicky’s Ruffled Potato Chips
“Tastes so good, you can’t say nononononononononoNO!”

Dillon J.:
Owl Jolson’s Singing Lessons – Available June-a Through Spring-a

Tony:
Monkey D Luffy’s King of Pilates
And the winners!


Neil Shurley:

Bane Chiropractic
Certainly the reader’s choice for winner, based on the towering amount of likes it got. Although I can’t help but think “Guy in Prison Who Literally Punched Bruce Wayne’s Spine Into Place Chiropractic” might be the smarter choice for your back pain needs.


Batzarro:

Sam Witwicky’s On-Foot Delivery Service. “Because when something is really important or dangerous, you want a 5 feet tall, 140 pound skittish young man to carry it.”
Perhaps I have a personal place in my heart for the tremendously stupid scene in Transformers 2 where The Beef, in the middle of a war zone and surrounded by giant robots who turn into vehicles, has to run on foot to carry his sock-full of magic pixie dust to Optimus for the last mile, but then it’s my website, so whatever.
Camuquengue: 

Sailor Moon Sex Misorientation Clinic

No entry made me laugh harder than Camuquengue’s. It’s not perfect for the series, bit I can so easily picture a doctor’s office with the Sailor Scouts in lab coats, asking patients, “Are you sure you want to be heterosexual? Well, you see that girl over there? Do you think she’s pretty? Yes? SHE’S A DUDE. What about that girl over there? No, she’s not a guy, she’s definitely a girl… WHO ALSO HAS A PENIS.” I call upon the apparel-making nerdernet to make this shirt happen, and please send one to Camuquengue for her/his troubles.

These three folks will each win a t-shirt from the fine selection available at Arcane Movie Tees; if you didn’t win, don’t forget about that 20% off discount coupon code TR20 for all Topless Robot readers! I don’t know how long it’ll last, so don’t wait too long! As always, congrats to the winners, thanks to everyone who entered, and thanks to Arcane for sponsoring the contest!