I have no idea what to say about today’s FFF. It’s hardly the worst I’ve ever run, but reading it is like getting a baseball bat to the face — especially if you’re fond of such quaint notions as “grammar,” “punctuation” or “The English Language.” The story is by author rammbo, and stars Wendy from Super Friends — of Wendy and Marvin non-fame — which means the Robin in the story technically has Casey Kasem’s voice. So make sure to read all of Robin’s lines in Kasem’s distinctive voice for the full effect (assuming, of course, you can figure out which lines are Robin’s).
Note: Although Wendy is weirdly 1.5 times Robin’s size in the above picture, in the story they are properly proportioned. I think. It’s hard to tell, frankly. Hit the jump to see why.
I am Wendy Harris and my friend Marvin White are junior members of the Superfriends and today is my sweet 16 birthday and i just got thee greatest birthday present i could ever get. He is gods gift to all woman every heroine talks about him how hot he is and i know they all would love to be in my tennis shoes right now.
Who calls them tennis shoes anymore?
He is my favorite superhero who in my opinion is thee greatest one of them all and is thee most handsome one. He is sound asleep and he is in his birthday suit and he has a super hard penis and it’s super long also, i was told by every one of the Superfriends to keep a good eye on him or he will try and do something foolish, they say he is harder headed than Batman and that is hard.
So he’s hard all over, is what you’re saying.
I check the security cameras when i came into the Hall of Justice and i seen he was working out in the gym on his sprained ankle, i looked at him putting too much weight on his injured foot and he was in a lot of pain from the look on his face and he stopped after awhile and left the gym hobbling on his bad leg.
Robin is kind of a moron.
He went back to his room and took a shower from the towel wrapped around his neck and he had fallen asleep,
Yes, nothing like a nice nap with a towel tied tightly around your neck. It’s almost as relaxing as putting a plastic grocery bag over your face while taking a bath.
that is were i found Robin the ex Teen Wonder laying on his bed. I went to his side and i took his penis in my hands and i jerked my hands up and down on his shaft had to see how it felt it was so very soft but very hard too and i wanted to see how it felt to suck on a penis.
Sort of hard soft, I guess you’d call it.
Then i put it in my tiny mouth i never sucked on a penis before so i knew i wasn’t very good at it but it tasted so very good in my mouth. I did the best i could and i was going up and down it real fast and i was going to stop but then i felt Robins hands holding me in place and i had over half his penis deep in my throat and he exploded in my mouth and i drank as much as i could. Well you did a great job i must say Wendy, i did really Robin??. Yes you did and i would be honored to return the favor, you mean you want to lick my furry muff, bet you never had it licked before, no i haven’t.
I get the feeling this is less a conversation between Robin and Wendy and more a conversation between the author and his/er cat. It would explain why only one person is doing all the talking.
I want to rub my hands up and down your chest, get on board Wendy, oh yes what a chest you have it’s so well toned and your abs are so tight also, your nipples are so hard and your areola are so very tight
You should probably see a doctor because I don’t think nipples are supposed to be tight
Wendy, now turn over i want to see your manly tush. you have one damm fine tush its super tight and so baby soft i could play with it all day long.
Sort of a hard soft tight.
Now i want to see how cute your toes are let me get your shoes off and now your socks, you got some very cute toes lets see how they taste,
Yuck they taste like feet that’s fucking gross
OH Robin you are so kinky, i didn’t think you were a toe freak, but don’t stop you are doing a great job sucking them all, Oh yea your toes are so soft and very tasty, let’s put your feet together around my cock now i am going to fuck your cute feet, oh wow this is so great your feet are so baby soft and my cock looks great between them.
It looks like a hot dog stuck in between two hairless cat torsos hmm okay this might not have been the best metaphor
That it does and i wonder how your Robins eggs feel between my toes also, mmmm mmmm mmmm
They feel like a hairy sack of two marbles I guess I should have expected that
they are very soft and very big and i love to have them between my feet and i love rubbing them, that’s it rub them just like that, did you like drinking my bat cum Wendy ??.
I had to masturbate a lot of bats to get that much bat-cum
Oh yes i did and you sure had a lot to drink down. now to unbuckle your tight white pants and to pull them off, well what do we have here my Robin emblem on the crotch of your pretty pink panties, guess i got caught with my panties down,
Ignoring the fact that unless Wendy’s panties were already around her ankles before Robin took her pants off, how would you feel if you were making out with someone and discovered they had your face on their underpants? Flattered? Creeped out? Aroused? All three?
now to see your cute little furry beaver now. OH yea its so pink and so furry just how i love them and now to taste it, oh yea sweet as honey just as i figured.
Well, if Wendy’s going to drink bat cum, it’s only fair that Robin drink some beaver honey.
OH Robin you have a golden tongue i think i am going to cum, oh yea i am AUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHH!!!!, That was fast Wendy. I am sorry about that it just happened so quickly, don’t be sorry i am very good at licking a very sweet pussy, and i plan to lick it even more.
Bitter pussies I am not so good at licking
I love how you are putting your tongue inside me don’t stop
Oh robin I love how you are performing the very definition of cunnilingus on me AUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH
Robin, OH WOW you put that finger into my wet hole it feels so so good i love it, oh Robin you are making me cum again AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHHH!!!!, OH YEA
Robin that was great do it to me again i love how you make me cum. Robin i was wondering have you ever notice how i been changing??, you mean how your 5′ 3″ 34 b 22 32 103 lbs how shapely and how sexy it has become lately and with your lovely short brunette hair and how your pretty brown eyes that sparkle like diamonds.
You have noticed me and very well i must say, yes i have and i had to control my self from grabbing you and throwing you over my shoulder and taking you to my room and ripping your clothes off and fucking the hell out of your sexy body.
Because that would be rape and I am pretty sure the Super Friends would not approve
You are such a naughty superhero, wanting to do that to a sweet young girl like me, on your hands and knees sweet girl i want to get a very good look at your sweet butt, oh yes shake that sexy butt of yours spank spank spank spank spank spank
and i can’t wait to butt fuck you. You want to stick that giant penis of yours in my tiny butt??.
When you say it so romantically how can I resist?
You bet your sweet butt i do, you are so super dirty, oh yes i love being spanked Robin Daddy spank me harder WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK. OH YEA hat is so very good what does my cute little butt looks like, as red as my tunic sweet cheeks and now to kiss each of your sweet butt cheeks, kiss kiss kiss kiss, don’t stop kissing my cute butt Robin Daddy
i love how you are squeezing my butt that feels so very very good also, OH MY i can’t believe you are licking my little ass ring you are super dirty,
…now that you’ve been licking my asshole, that is
but i am loving it Robin Daddy, MY GOD you are putting your tongue in my hole i never thought this would happen,
I thought I just made this joke.
oh yes finger my furry hole just like that this is so great, all your holes are very sweet my sweet Wendy. OH Robin Daddy you are making me cum again i love it, AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH AUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!!.
SHIT you are fingering my butt ring!!!!, Dang you are one tight ass bitch !!!!, oh you sure know how to sweet talk a girl and that feels so so good though, and your pussy juice is very sweet, work you manly finger in me.You have a very sweet hairy beaver and i love eating it Wendy, and now are you ready to lose your young sweet cherry to a older superhero, yes i am Robin Daddy please make me into a woman.
ACTIVITY TIME! Try and figure out all the places where the dialogue switches between Robin and Wendy. Then weep big, bitter tears.
Lay on your back and spread your sexy young legs, that is perfect now get ready for my bat cock,
/loudspeaker buzzes on “Excuse me, Robin? This is Batman. I’m sorry to interrupt but I can’t legally let you call your penis “bat-cock.” Only Batman has a ‘bat-cock’ — otherwise we run into a heap of trademark problems. You’ll have to call it something else. Sorry. Carry on.”
OH YOU ARE SO THICK, this is the 2nd greatest sweet 16 birthday present i got today, today is your birthday??, i am sorry i didn’t get you anything, oh yes you did my sweet Robin Daddy, What did i give you for your birthday??,
Statutory rape, depending on which state the Hall of Justice is located in.
the 1st is i got to see you in the naked and your giant penis is in my hot hole is my 2nd present you have given me, so pop my sweet cherry please pop me,
You know this isn’t going to make an actual pop sound, don’t you?
i will as soon you get use to it, your pussy is so fucking tight it its so hot and feels like velvet its gripping the hell out of my cock.
Kind of a tight velvet cherry hard soft.
Do you feel that, yes i do my sexy Robin Daddy, that’s your sweet cherry say good bye to it, OH YES i am a woman now i want all of your giant penis in my hungry hole, i got to have it fuck me with your entire shaft. OH its so damm good i love getting fucked by you, you can fuck me every day Robin Daddy. I love fucking your hot pussy Wendy, it’s thee greatest i ever had, OH fuck me harder, please do me harder. That is one hell of a grip you got on my ass, oh yes i never want to let go of your damm fine tush you have Robin Daddy, it’s so soft and so fucking tight ,spank spank spank spank spank, you get all of us woman all hot and wet from us looking at it.
This story is the victim of Darkseid’s lesser-known nefarious plan, THE ANTI-QUOTATION MARK EQUATION.
God i am so fucking wet, i am going to cumm real soon, me to you sexy bitch AUUUGGGHHHH auuuggghhh AUUUGGGHHH auuuggghhh AUUUGGGHH auuuggghhh AUUUGGGHHH auuuggghhh!!!!!!. MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM you are such a great kisser Robin Daddy
and you sure know how to fuck a young girl to total bliss, so you didn’t mind letting a 22 year old superhero pop your percious cherry, hell no you are the one i wanted to lose it too, i knew you would be gentle with me and bring me so much pleasure. Good now to suck you hot titty’s and bite your nipples, that feels so good you licking my nipples, oh yea suck both my tittys, i have died and gone to heaven
Maybe Jesus can teach you some grammar, then.
oh don’t stop please keep sucking them and you are biting them oh soooo good, they are so fine and i could nibble on your titty’s all year long. I never want my furry muff to be with out your giant penis,
Speaking of which let’s talk “personal grooming” I don’t need you to be shaved or anything but it look like Robin Williams is hiding down there
Now i want it up my tiny butt i need you in it, i want every inch up me, and your big eggs slapping my muff as they slap my tiny butt.
I want you to crack your eggs and make an omelette on my tight butt, okay Wendy this is getting too fucking weird
First we need so lube for your tiny butthole and i don’t have anything, i have some cold cream in my purse will that do, yes it will my baby girl back on your hands and knees, ok i am ready and so is my cute little butt see, very nice wiggling that hot butt of yours.
Now to work one finger into your nice sweet butt, that feels so so very nice can i have another Robin Daddy, yes you may my hot little baby. Please keep it up, i am loving what you are doing to my little butthole that feels so wonderful, there is another finger for my sweet baby, oh yea that feels so good i love your 2 fingers my butt. Now you are ready for my cock, WOW you are so super thick my tiny butthole is getting stretched so wide,
Because who doesn’t like having their butthole expanded past its natural size no one that’s who this is why Goatse is
you are so fucking tight i will have to work a lot to getting into your ass deeper, do it i want all of your giant penis in me right now, push harder into Robin Daddy give me more. That is it i am going deeper,
Please keep telling me what you’re doing as you do it because although I should be able to feel your penis in my butt I find the constant narration comforting for some reason
fuck my tiny ass harder, oh god this is sheer bliss i love it up my butt don’t stop fucking it. How are you feeling my sexy baby, i am great and my butt is in so much pain.
I am pulling out then i didn’t mean to hurt you, Don’t you dare pull out of me, i love the pain give me all of it, you sure you want more of it, FUCKING HELL i do ram that mother fucker all the way in to my butt, oh yes that is it i am loving it, i want your hot cumm in my hot little butt also. You got it hot cheeks you want it hard and deep you are going to get it, this is so great you are fucking the hell out of me, you are thee greatest ever.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to curl up in bed with a bottle of scotch and a Word document full of nothing but punctuation, and just cry for a while.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.