Oh $#@% It’s the Show of Shannara

Elfstones of Shannara.jpeg

This is my last post for the day, because I feel awful again and because it’s going to be the most quintessentially Topless Robot post ever. Everyone who complains about my being butthurt? This article will be your new #1 evidence that you are 100% correct. Bookmark it. Throw it in my face whenever. Ready? From Variety:

Sonar Entertainment has acquired the rights to author Terry Brooks’ bestselling fantasy series “Shannara” and is partnering with Farah Films to produce a television series based on the books. 
Farah Films principal Dan Farah and Sonar Entertainment CEO Stewart Till will exec produce with Brooks. Producers plan to recruit a showrunner and director before they shop the project to network buyers. 
Set hundreds of years after the destruction of our civilization, series follows the Shannara family, who are empowered with ancient magic and whose adventures continuously reshape the future of the world. The plan is to base the show’s first season on “The Elfstones of Shannara,” the second book in the series.
I fucking hate Terry Brooks and the Shannara series. I read The Sword of Shannara when I was in my voracious fantasy phase, and thought it was a thoroughly uninspired, incredibly dull Tolkien rip-off with horrible characters (unlike my beloved Belgariad, which was a thoroughly uninspired, but exciting Tolkien rip-off with great characters). But I knew the Shannara series was popular, so I kept going. I hated The Elfstones of Shannara even more. Loathed it. The Wishsong of Shannara I hated too, just not as quite as much Elfstones. But I saw Brooks’ new Shannara books were currently on the best-sellers list! So I tried The Druid of Shannara, and found that while somehow Brooks had clearly improved as a writer, he was still fucking awful. I can’t even describe it. At any rate, I stopped reading Terry Brooks. But here’s the kicker:
I don’t remember a single reason I hate Shannara.
Oh, I remember Sword being the world’s most generic Tolkien rip-off, and absolutely nothing else. I can’t name a single character from any of the books. I don’t remember the plots. In fact, I can’t tell you a single thing about The Elfstones of Shannara except that Terry Brooks wrote it and it’s one of my most hated books of all time. 
So I have zero evidence for my hate. I can’t back up my loathing in the tiniest degree. And yet, rather than say “Hey, they’re making a Shannara TV series; I didn’t really care for the books as a kid but I don’t remember why, so let’s all give this a chance,” instead I’m all “FUCK THIS SHOW AND FUCK THESE BOOKS BUT DON’T ASK ME WHY.” I’m sticking to my guns of irrational hate. MY GUNS WHICH DON’T FIRE AND I FORGOT WHERE I PUT THEM. BUT THEY’RE SOMEWHERE BY GOD, AND TERRY BROOKS BETTER WATCH OUT IF I FIND THEM AGAIN. And now I’m getting back in bed.