First and foremost, it’s an iOS game. Not a real videogame. And don’t get into semantics with me — cellphone games are mostly designed as fun timewasters, and since this Masters of the Universe game is a 2-D brawler, not a genre that cellphones can manage with much complexity, I think we can designate it the same. The game has 27 levels, which include a shit-ton of generic enemies no one has ever seen before, some big enemies no one has ever seen before, and at the very least Skeletor, Mer-Man, Beast Man and Megator (oh, and Skeletor’s robot minions, if you care) as you can tell from the other screenshots at IGN).
If you think I’d be excited to have a He-Man game, any He-Man game… well, you haven’t been reading TR very long. If I’d ever had the chance to play a good He-Man videogame in the 30 years since the toys debuted, I’d happily accept this for what it is. But since I haven’t, I’m pissed that I’m getting another inconsequential, not particularly accurate Masters of the Universe game instead of something… consequential and accurate, I guess. I have no idea what kind of MotU game might satisfy me, but I do know I will almost certainly keep complaining until someone makes it for me. I’m not proud of this. I’m just sayin’. Thanks to everybody who sent in the tip, though.