Monkeys, apes, what’s the difference? An evil primate is an evil primate and that’s all that matters. From mischievous helpers to dictator-infused megalomaniacs the spectrum of bad opposable thumb-less creatures running around in comic books, movies, video games and animation is through the roof.
We hate these creatures all the more because they fly in the face of our inherent love of monkeys and apes. They just look so awesome running around, swinging from vines and flinging their own poop. Sure there’s that whole thing where they lose their minds and rip faces off when they get a certain age, but we can get past that. However, we can not get past the behavior these evil primates displayed.
10. Donkey Kong
Sure, Donkey Kong became a good guy, but it’s important to remember that he started his video game life as a princess-stealing, barrel throwing, plumber smashing villain. We can only assume that the time he spent as a captive in Donkey Kong Jr. helped turn his life around, leading him to become a hero, bongo champ and race car enthusiast.
9. Rhesus 2
What’s worse, a megalomaniac or the sycophant who follows him blindly? In the case of Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys, we’re inclined to say that Rhesus 2, Lord Nebula’s right-hand, two-brained man. Something of a tragic villain, Rhesus 2 was an Earth monkey sent into space, captured by Nebula and given two brains to work with. Still, he could have joined the Space Monkeys at any time and fought back against evil instead of fighting our simian heroes and making terrible brain-related puns.
8. Kaiju Kong
There’s no real good guy in Toho’s King Kong vs. Godzilla. Both monsters are basically forces of nature who continually meet up and fight, sometimes thanks to human intervention, over and over again. This particular version of King Kong has a weakness for berry juice that gets him drunk, but also gets stronger with exposure to electricity — as apes are known to do. This version of Kong returned in King Kong Escapes where he was more of a good guy, but still got to battle MechaniKong, a robot version of himself built to dig for Element X in the North Pole.
7. Nazi Capuchin
Hasn’t Indiana Jones dealt with enough betrayal in his life? Does he really need a monkey sneaking her way into his life only to sell him out? This Capuchin insinuated herself into his and Marion’s life only to lead them to his bosses, throw up the Nazi salute and even pointed out which basket Marion was hiding in. Of course, Indy didn’t know all this, so when the monkey followed him back to a bar, he was none the wiser. The only thing keeping this little monster so high on the list is that his gluttony and greed lead to him eating some poisoned fruit and dying, which inadvertently saved Indy’s life. “Bad dates” indeed.
6. Red Ghost’s Super-Apes
Friggin’ Commies. Ivan Kragoff, better known as the Red Ghost, wanted to win the space race for Russia and decided to copy the Fantastic Four’s flight through Cosmic Rays to get there. In the process he turned his crew — a gorilla named Mikhlo, a baboon named Igor and an orangutan known as Peotr — into Super-Apes with their own powers. Kragoff can go intangible and invisible, Mikhlo is super-strong, Igor an shapeshift and Peotr controls primal forces like gravity and/or magnetism depending on who’s writing. Instead of using these powers to bring equality to the proletariate, though, the Red Ghost decided to keep attack the FF, you know, just like Marx wrote about.
What started out as the beginning of a beautiful friendship between quadriplegic Alan and his helper monkey Ella turned sinister in George Romero’s Monkey Shines. After bonding over some tunes, Ella and Alan developed a deeper, possibly psychic bond that turned the monkey from a helper into a murderer. The monkey’s killing spree included setting a house on fire, electrocuting an old woman in a bathtub and injecting a doctor with his own syringe. Whether Ella was actually evil or just Alan’s pawn remains to be seen, but we still feel kind of bad for how she got taken out at the end of the movie.
4. The Monkey in The Monkey
Stephen King can make anything creepy, including cymbal-banging toy monkeys. His tale “The Monkey” first appeared in Gallery magazine and then in the short story collection Skeleton Crew. The story follows a young boy who discovers the toy monkey only to find out that, with every cymbal clap, someone dies. The possessed toy tormented the boy’s father who does his best to put a stop to the evil once and for all.
3. King Gorilla
Any number of evil,talking ape characters could have made this list, but King Gorilla from The Venture Bros. tops them all. King, a one time member of the Guild of Calamitous Intent, was kicked out of the gang for killing and then raping M?tley Cr?e’s Vince Neil on a reality show. The Tarzan-obsessed creature kidnapped the Monarch and intended to give him a fate similar to Neil’s, but the Monarch’s inherent femininity scared him off.
Nazis and primates seem to go together like land mines and unsuspecting villages. But what happens when you take one of the greatest monsters history has ever known and combine that with one of the strongest creatures on the planet? BrainiApe, a Savage Dragon villain with Hitler’s brain on a giant ape body. Making matters worse, this new nefarious concoction can control gravity and peoples’ minds. Luckily for the world, Solar Man eventually came along and disintegrated that damn dirty ape.
1. All The Gorillas
Here’s how a Planet of the Apes film breaks down: You’ve got the science-minded chimps trying to further ape existence, the government-oriented orangutans trying to keep order and the warmongering, human-hating gorillas who make up the community’s fighting forces.
Almost every dickish thing done by the apes in these movies comes from the gorillas.
They’re the ones hunting humans in the beginning of the Planet, they’re the ones who try to kill Taylor several times and they’re the ones that ultimately lead to the destruction of their city.