You probably can’t pull off the giant mirror mask look, and the hankie-over-the-head-with-eyeholes is way too KKK-ish, even in blue. But on those days when you feel like trying to rule the world, even if your plan is hugely unlikely, you can wear the appropriate Cobra Commander leather jacket from G.I. Joe: Retaliation. It includes features you could never achieve in a 4″ scale, including “removable CE Approved Body Armor in forearms/elbow, shoulder and back spine protector” and a red inner lining.
$698 Canadian dollars is a pretty good deal for any leather jacket this big, let alone one from a licensed property that’s all about rising above the average Joe. You’ll probably never make the U.S. president your bitch, or defeat the Rock in battle, but you can keep rockin’ in the free world in some bitchin’ duds that rule. COBRA!