Lego, What Have You Done? A Barbie Movie Is Coming

I knew it. I knew once Mattel saw that there could be a successful hit film based upon a brand with multiple possibilities, they’d push Barbie. The hitch in the past always was that they didn’t want to define Barbie as one thing when the idea of the toys is that she can be anything, from astronaut to politician to mermaid…but indeed, so can Lego, and focusing on lowly Emmet didn’t hurt that brand any.

It seems the story they’ve come up with

allows the character Barbie to use her personal and professional skills to step into the lives of others and improve them, almost like a modern-day Mary Poppins

I hate the idea that I reflexively recoil at this, because in theory, there’s no reason a brand for girl toy collectors need suck as a movie any more than a brand for boys, or both. But then I see that the screenwriter’s biggest credit to date is What a Girl Wants, and I remember having to see that movie, and I wonder why they can’t find the equivalent of a Chris Miller and Phil Lord in somebody like Kristen Wiig or Any Schumer or Tina Fey.

Now, as Beavis and Butt-head long ago posited, they just need to find a dude with no wiener to play Ken. Any suggestions?