Pac-Man’s Got Bette Davis Eyes

As a child of the 1980s, I absolutely devoured all things Pac-Man related. Odd then that I have absolutely no memory of the above 7-UP ad from 1982 that features everyone’s favorite metaphor for the futility of existence joylessly moving around a game board entirely on instinct as if he is a character in Vonnegut’s Timequake while a lethargic soda-based reinvention of Kim Carnes’ “Bette Davis Eyes” slogs away on the soundtrack. It is at once as beautiful as a blind man seeing his wife for the first time and as tragic as catching up with an old friend after twenty years to see how time has ravaged their body and decimated their soul. It is the advertising equivalent of the sweetness and shit that makes up this beautifully damaged world we all live in. Whether you consider yourself a Pac-Man or one of his ghostly enemies we are all in this together, so be kind whenever possible before the power pellets run out, okay?

Wait, Pac-Man couldn’t get a Coke endorsement? Dude needs a better agent. See you all tomorrow!