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Top-Down Smackdown: Night of Champions Predictions

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Prediction #1: Hornswoggle will return to save Heath Slater from Adam Rose’s Bunny Rabbit.

I’m serious. I wish I weren’t. But it seems clear that they’re building the Bunny Rabbit up to be an actual competitor. I’d like to think a wrestler we know will step out of the costume, but tend to suspect that in fact, whoever it is will be competing as “The Bunny Rabbit.” Tell me I’m wrong.

Nikki Bella vs. Paige vs. AJ Lee

I’m going to go out on a HUGE limb here (that’s sarcasm, y’all). Brie Bella will slip into the ring and score the winning pinfall pretending to be Nikki, and leave with the belt. It’ll continue the feud, the title will be declared vacant, and in a between-the-ropes Divas battle royal on Raw, Paige will win it back by eliminating AJ last. Both storylines keep going that way.

Sheamus vs. Cesaro

I like both men but I wish I cared about the feud at all. If Cesaro is going to stay heel he needs a manager again, and if Sheamus is going to stay face he needs some new material. My guess is Sheamus retains by DQ or something. Or maybe they’ll do a double-turn. Cesaro could pledge his allegiance to Putin and join Rusev; after all, he’s as much a “Real Russian” as he was a “Real American.”

Mark Henry vs. Rusev

Unless they pull a major swerve, like the Big Show suddenly turning heel on Henry, I see Henry taking it. But come to think of it, a Big Show/Henry feud makes sense, as does Rusev moving on to someone else. So that seems likely. Oh wait, no it doesn’t – WWE creative never make sense.

The Usos versus Goldust and Stardust

This feud needs to build to a six-man confrontation that ropes in Dusty Rhodes and Fatu somehow (preferably siding with the wrong team each – Dusty thinking his kids have gone insane, and heel Rikishi mad at his kids’ tattoos or something). Until that happens I don’t see it being resolved. Usos retain.

Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz

Ziggler has spent the last year losing, and needs to build his credibility back as champion. Miz loses nothing by being a coward who runs away. My only hope is that Damien Sandow somehow gets back on the upswing. Ziggler wins.

Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Whoever wins…we lose. Just kidding. Chris Jericho’s a good dude and Randy Orton is really boring. Jericho seems determined to put everyone over each time he comes back, but I have the feeling that Orton’s “storyline” for a while will be that he’s on a losing streak. Jericho wins, but probably by DQ.

Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

Is it time for Dean Ambrose to return yet? Either way, this ends in a clusterfuck with Reigns getting a beatdown from all the Authority. Maybe cinderblocks are involved again.

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena

It makes very little sense for Lesnar to beat Cena only to lose the rematch right away, but again, sense is not often a factor in wrestling. I didn’t think it made sense for Lesnar to beat the Undertaker, and look where that got me.

But from what I understand, Cena has nagging injuries and some movies to shoot, so they’ll probably do an injury angle. Lesnar’s being built up for something, and I can’t believe it’s just to lose to Cena at a second-tier PPV. Winner: Lesnar.

About Author

Luke Y. Thompson has been writing professionally about movies and pop-culture since 1999, and has also been an actor in some extremely cheap culty and horror movies you will probably never hear much about (he is nonetheless mostly proud of them, as he met his wife on one). As editor of The Robot's Voice since 2012, he can take the blame for the majority of the site's content, all of which he creates because he loves you very, very much. (Although he loves nachos more. Sorry.) Prior to TRV, Luke wrote for publications that include the New Times LA, Los Angeles CityBeat, E! Online, OC Weekly, Geekweek, GeekChicDaily, The L.A. Times, The Village Voice, LA Weekly, and Nerdist