The Walking Dead Recap: Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, AARON

SPOILERS follow, but the bottom line is that if you missed this for the SNL special, you didn’t miss much – next week’s opening recap will adequately cover the only major new plot point.

-Everybody loves him, he’s our favorite character, let’s make him go eat worms!

-I understand not eating a frog that’s dead already. But why not look for some healthier ones? Everyone in the goddamn world who has ever eaten a frog says it tastes like chicken.

-Oh no – her stabbing a zombie in the head ruined your brilliant plan to kick them all down the hill somehow? Really?

-Awfully nice of the zombies to stick to the road, I must say.

-PS can Mythbusters show us how easy it really is (or not) to stab a zombie in the head like that? Who am I kidding – ALL their episodes now piggyback on stuff like this, so of course they’ll get to it.

-This is about as time-wasting an episode as I’ve ever seen. It’s like they knew nobody would be watching tonight.

-It’s a crazy messed-up world, it’s a dawg eat dog world.

-Zombie kidnap victim is a bummer. She’s also a metaphor for this whole episode…because she ought to have [been]trunk-hated. I’m belaboring the pun because there’s not much else to talk about.

-You seriously think those mystery water bottles might be poisoned? Who’s gonna waste valuable bottles of water on poisoning you when you’re dehydrating anyway? And why not test them on Eugene, who’s a useless liar to begin with?

-Booze is only going to make things worse? Shut up, you straight-edge dicks. Let Abraham get wasted once. Redheads need it.

“We…are the walking dead.” Fuck you. FUCK YOU. The only thing worse than Rick saying it aloud is the way Chris Hardwick will be parsing it later.

-Rain good. Thunder scary? “I saw a barn.” WHEN?

-Aaaaand suddenly things turn into Woodstock ’94. Quick cross-cuts don’t make it better.

-“OMG is that one of those magic music boxes that only springs into action when gay people are near?” “Yes.”

-Hi Aaron. Hope you don’t mind us errin’…on the side of caution.

-Anyone else think this could have been a ten-minute webisode and lost nothing?