Cartoons, Columns

Ask Luke’s Mother-in-Law: Diarrhea of the Police Mouth

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Martha Boyd is not just Luke’s mother-in-law – she’s also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything.

Hey all. Well, we made it another week. April 1 we had a training meeting at the sheriff’s department. The training was on radio procedure and what to do and not to do. We even had a pop quiz on radio codes. After 30 years of not using them I surprised myself and remembered quite a few. Anyway, the class opened with some cop silliness and I have attached the video that was shown. #9 is on a cop with diarrhea of the mouth. It happens. All together there are 9 of these up on youtube and Vimeo. Hope you enjoy as much as we did…

I did my first day of volunteering at the department this last week and had a great time. Met lots of very nice people. Made me feel right at home very quickly. We are required to attend a monthly meeting and do 8 hrs of service a month. Already have the April meeting done and 4 hours to my credit.

I have been told that I am not giving Miss Felix enough picture time so this week I have sent along 2 photos of her in her basket. This is the prime sunning spot in the house, at the French doors. She has decided that the queen bee needs to have her butt in the basket on the pillow. She does look quite pleased with herself.

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And now on to the questions that flew in this week.

James.k.Polk:

Dear Ms Ppraisal,

Continuing the UFO topic, is there a particular time of day or night that UfOs appear more frequently? Is there a particular time of the month when the sightings are more frequent?

Also have you ever read The Mothman Prophecies by John Keel?

I have never read Mothman Prophecies; will have to look it up. Generally we have seen the most unexplained things in the sky in the evenings after sunset and during the milder spring and fall. Maybe the reason is because that is when we can mostly sit outside. Most of the things we have seen are out to the East and North East. This is also the direction of the base and the Colorado River. We know what are airplaces due to flashing light and color patterns. However there are many other things buzzing around that don’t have the typical flash and colors.

GallenDugall:

QUESTION!
Do you think we’ll ever see a decent (not stupid) interpretation of the Star Trek franchise again?

Well, one can dream. I was reluctant to see the new Star Trek movies that went back to when the crew was just getting together, but after I finally decided to check one out I was not totally disappointed. But let’s face it, when you have actors so tightly connected to a character it is hard to change things.

Patch999:

When you were an officer, what sidearm did you carry?

Did you prefer one caliber over another?

When I first started, the only thing we were allowed to carry was a Smith and Wesson 38 revolver. So I love that gun. It only holds 6 shots. A few years into the job, 45 automatics were allowed, as were 357s. I moved to a Ruger 357 which is also a really nice weapon. The 45 autos, however, I never could use. I have small hands and the 45s were way to big for me to hold and keep control over. Even with the 38 and 357 I had to have special slim grips as the standard ones were to big for my hands. On the other hand, my husband preferred the 45 auto.

BrandoLars:

Do you believe in Pet Shaming?

The ones you attached were great. Yes, I do believe in cat shaming. Unfortunately, mine will not sit still long enough to get a photo with the shame note.

Nebula.Jack:

[This is about a Santa movie idea – you can read the full outline on last week’s Ask LYT MIL]

So my question is this: Even though the idea goes into the “Grim Dark” territory that so many bemoan, is a reworking of a modern fairy tale, seems to be setting up a shared world/universe and also teases a sequel which are all things that movie fans claim to hate… I still want to do it anyway. If I made that movie, would you want to see it?

I would be more than happy to go and see it, and I also expect an invite to opening night. You know the Santa Clause movie was a big hit and got sequels. I think this is a decent story and yes, the poor guy really only works 1 day a year. Almost continual retirement. You could start a kickstarter for funding. Also sometimes people make a trailer to start and then raise the funds for the full movie. You never know – when a low-budget movie gets done, sometimes it takes off.

Well a couple of big events happened last week: on 4/3 was my 33rd wedding anniversary, and then on 4/6 my 59th birthday. Ugg, almost 60. Oh well, people are saying 60 is the new 30. Julia and Luke were both sick over Easter so we are postponing the egg hunt . Lucky for me we use plastic eggs. So for Easter it was just me and the four-legged kids.

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The kids were just too darn cute this week. We have a hand-carved rocking horse in the living room. Julias dad gave her this one Christmas when she was very little. The artist made 5 of them. The story goes that 3 were purchased by Elizabeth Taylor for her grandchildren, and Julia got one from her dad. They were in a studio in Yucaipa, CA. Well, Pirate (black one) and Love Bug (grey) have been sitting on it lately so they can look out the window into the rear patio. Julia loved this horse when she was little and big enough to ride the real horses and now the fur ones are enjoying the horse.

That’s about all for this week. As always be good to each other until we get together again, HUGGS.

Keep those questions coming! Any questions submitted in comments below will be included in future columns. [Note: some of the questions asked last week will be answered in next week’s column, since we got so many good ones this round.]

About Author

Luke Y. Thompson has been writing professionally about movies and pop-culture since 1999, and has also been an actor in some extremely cheap culty and horror movies you will probably never hear much about (he is nonetheless mostly proud of them, as he met his wife on one). As editor of The Robot's Voice since 2012, he can take the blame for the majority of the site's content, all of which he creates because he loves you very, very much. (Although he loves nachos more. Sorry.) Prior to TRV, Luke wrote for publications that include the New Times LA, Los Angeles CityBeat, E! Online, OC Weekly, Geekweek, GeekChicDaily, The L.A. Times, The Village Voice, LA Weekly, and Nerdist