Okay. OKAY! The Kobayashi Maru of TR features is back. Yes, for every one of you who hits me up asking for more, I still get regular comments every time there’s an unrelated article somebody hates like, “I’m done with this site. All fast-food bullshit and [whatever the above article was about],” never mind that I haven’t done one of these in months.
Side note: it’s always funny how the people who say they’ll never read the site again are people I’ve never heard of before.
Mainly, though, I’ve been trying to save money on eating out. And my health by not eating total crap while sitting in front of a computer for hours on end. But I need to make sacrifices for you, my dear audience, and so I have once again.
KFC likes to piss me off. I’m convinced.
They make a pot pie that’s better than any other version of that recipe I’ve ever had anywhere, and yes, Musso and Frank’s in Hollywood, I love your martinis and such but this includes you too. And then they keep randomly yanking it off the menu. I thought once they made it a $5 fill-up meal, there’d be no more problems, but now we run into the issue that they don’t actually make enough of them to meet demand – I once had someone at a KFC tell me nobody ever orders them.
The dialogue usually goes something like this:
Me: I’d like a pot pie.
Counter person: Okay.
Me: and a large soda…
Counter person: Hold on a second. [Yells back to the kitchen] CARLOS!
Carlos of the Kitchen: What? I’m busy.
Counter person: Carlos!
Carlos of the Kitchen: What? Shut up.
Counter person: You shut up, stupid! I’m with a customer!
Carlos of the Kitchen: What?
Counter person: Do we have any pot pies?
Carlos of the Kitchen: Huh?
Counter person: Pot pies! Do we have any?
Carlos of the Kitchen: I don’t know!
Counter person: Go look, stoopid!
Carlos of the Kitchen: Fine.
Counter person [to me]: I’m sorry, it’ll just be a moment.
Counter person: Carlos, did you find any pot pies?
Carlos of the Kitchen: Yeah, they’re frozen.
Counter person [to me]: It’ll take like twenty minutes to heat up is that fine?
Me: Uh, no. I can’t wait that long.
Counter person: Next time you can call us twenty minutes before you get here and we can make one.
Me: I don’t usually plan that far in advance. Why don’t you just have them in stock?
Counter person: Nobody ever orders them.
Obligatory disclaimer #1: kitchen guy is not always named Carlos.
Obligatory disclaimer #2: At the drive-through, one is not always treated to the full performance of this fast-food dinner theater standby. However, the request as to whether a 20-minute wait is “fine” becomes doubly annoying. The last time I heard it, however, I noticed there were these new bowls. What the hell. New, spicy…something to write about, at least.
As you can see in the composite image above, they look a bit different from the pretty posed photos. (Can bowls “pose”? I say yes.)
The chicken itself has a nice smoky bite to it, as well as a heat level slightly higher than most KFC offerings. little bits of green onion add some flavor but not a lot – they weren’t exactly the freshest stalks in the batch. The rice melts in the mouth rather than feeling grainy, and of course cheese tops everything.
Now, I don’t know about some of you – though I’m going to make an assumption. I assume you eat frozen dinners sometimes. If you’re like me when you approach that process, you augment them a tad, because let’s face it, those suckers are bland. My go-to, as with most foods, is the addition of cheese and hot sauce.
And that’s what this new bowl tastes like. A frozen dinner that I added cheese and hot sauce to to make it taste better, and remove any of the so-called benefits of alleged “Lean” cuisine. That would be fantastic if I bought these four-for-five-dollars – but I didn’t. I paid $5 for this, a small soda and a cookie. I assume KFC makes BANK on these suckers.
Don’t give it to them. With cheese and hot sauce, even the most rank amateur can create something like this at home. Or better.