Columns, Live Performance, TV

Ask Luke’s Mother-in-Law: Don’t Touch Me, I’m Hot

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Got questions? Martha Boyd has all sorts of answers. A desert-dweller, self-proclaimed crazy cat lady, former LAPD officer and widow to a Green Beret, she’s seen and heard things crazier than you’ve imagined. And is ready for whatever odd questions you have, so bring them on!

Happy August all. Well had a great time with LYT and Julia last week. Also had a great batch of thunder storms. LYT had to try and work with power going in and out and me shutting down the computers just in case lightening hit close. My friend’s house just 2 blocks away took a direct lightning hit and had all of the electric in her kitchen blow out. She is still trying to get it fixed. We lost power at the Sheriff’s station and had flooding on the state hwy.

The next movie at Copper Mountain is going to be Highway Dragnet. This bit of fun was filmed between Apple Valley and Las Vegas; should be a fun evening out.
Starting to get ready for the Addams Family audition on Aug 10. Julia cut my CD while she was here so I am ready to roll. Been watching the show on You Tube and it looks like it will be a fun show to do. If I get a part I will let you all know as soon as I know.

Now for our questions from this week.

Robert Brandon Baldwin:
How late is too late with wishing someone a belated Happy Birthday? Does it vary depending on if you know them in Meatspace versus the digital realm? I’m guessing after a couple of months it would be better to just wait for the next year. (Happy belated B-day to Luke btw.)

I generally use the couple of weeks rule. Months after just does not feel right and shows you are a dumb ass. Be a bit early the next year. With a nice gift maybe and an “I know your birthday is coming up and I wanted you to have this early so you can enjoy it on your special day.” Yep, that trick always works. Truthfully I still keep an old paper calendar and one of the things I do on Jan 1 each year is to transfer all of the birthdays, anniversaries etc from the last year’s calendar to the new year’s calendar. Knock on wood, have not missed one yet.

John Zoidberg:
Questions: how do you feel about all the new and pending legalization of marijuana across the country? And do you think, over time as more states legalize it, that the Federal gov will ever also decriminalize it? And do you feel that they should?

I am all for medical marijuana. I know several folks over the years that it has been help for. Our neighbor in Anaheim had ovarian cancer and was in such pain or so out of it with traditional medication for pain. The last couple of months she was able to obtain the marijuana pills. These were able to keep her mind clear and took care of the pain that she was able to converse and have good quality time with her grandkids before she passed. I have seen it work well with others who have chronic pain and it was a choice of being zoned out with valium or the marijuana and still being able to fully function. I am not found of big pharma. I hope that in the future as more states and hopefully the feds fully recognize and benefits of marijuana that it will be more accepted and that work will not penalize you for its use as long as it is prescribed by a doctor. There are still jobs out there that even if it is legal for you to have it you can get fired for using your medication.

John Zoidberg:
You mentioned an audition for the Addams Family musical…
Are you actually auditioning or are you just helping Julia for one that she has? Have you been in any/many theater productions yourself? Also, is the Addams Family musical loosely based on the two movies or the tv show, or is it a completely different source material?

This show is about Wednesday who has found a “normal” boyfriend and bringing him and his parents home to meet the family.

I am auditioning for the show. It has been 5 yrs since I have been on the stage. I have been acting for about 20 yrs in theater primarily. I generally do musicals. One of my favorite roles was Grace the factory worker in Working. I had a great monologue and got to get up close with the audience with that one. Another good part was the landlady in Good Bye Girl – I threatened a lead with a toilet plunger in that one.

If anyone is going to be near 29 Palms Friday/Saturday in Oct please come and see the show. It will be at theatre29. We run the full month. I am going to ask the director if I can take pictures and post them in TR.

Ryan L:
Since Channing Tatum is no longer playing Gambit who should play him? And 2) Joe C Should Ryan L. [above]be Gambit?

Well I combined these – latest news I was told as of 8/3 Channing Tatum is playing Gambit so there is no issue here.

Ryan L:
Since Windows 10 just came out what are your thoughts? Especially since win 7+ can get a free upgrade.

Well, I am still running 7 Enterprise home edition. I spoke to the man who builds my computers and he said we would not change until at least 6 months to a year. He also maintains the computers of a large company and they are doing the same – no upgrade yet. So far every business that I know is holding with 7 at this point. Seven is really good and business likes it. I did find out that Windows has refused to support the current version of the appraisal software that I was using – so the company had to come out with a new version that works with 7, 8 and now 10. I upgraded to the new version of the appraisal software and after the learning curve it is working well in Win 7. So far in my office it will stay 7 as long as possible. As for the free upgrade, Windows wants us to change from a version that is working well and that business seem to love. So yes, the upgrade should be free for current users on their current machines. Of course when they purchase a new computer they will pay for the new operating system.

Grace M:
How does one date a super awkward nerd? Like “please stop hover handing me, like you’re allowed to touch me….” Might not help? But also like don’t touch me right now it’s sooooo hot leave me alone

I take it that you are the one who is trying to date the super awkward nerd. So at least he does have a friend in you. So many of these guys have very few friends and heaven forbid it be a female. We are very scary after all we are not logical like Mr. Spock, we have emotions and sometimes like touchy feely (ohhhh cooties) You must hunt slowly and only a small amount of stimulation at a time. Let them get used to the levels before moving on. Sort of like the way you get a cat or dog to trust you. I have even tried learning something new together – something neither of you knows how to do – this puts one on a similar level. Do you cook? Cooking like mom is generally good. Ask mom what he really likes to eat and ask her to show you how to make it. I can understand the “don’t touch me it’s sooooo hot” one. I live in 100+ degrees ? of the year so touching is out a good part of the time, I’ll snuggle in the winter, but keep to your own side of the bed in the summer.

Becky O:

How do I get my baby to sleep longer at night?

Julia did pretty well sleeping thru most of the night after a few months. One thing we found that worked was we had a Teddy Ruxpin in the room and the tape just kept looping. So if she woke up there was still the story going in the room that she had fallen asleep with.

Jim Dandeneau:

How do I make sure my kids hate the Star Wars prequels the same way I do?

Well of course let them see the original only several times and fall in love with it . Then show other ones in the order that they should be in time. Totally don’t tell them about the prequels. Prequels suck. Same with the Star Trek franchise. When they went back it time to “before” it screwed everything up.

Grace M:

How do I help my cat take over the world? And how do I catch that damn roadrunner?

As far as catching the roadrunner – hot dogs, that is their weak spot. I have a couple in my yard that will come on over when they see/smell a hot dog.

Cats have already taken over the world. No need to help yours do it, the cat already has you under its paw. They are very good at letting us think that we are in control. So so wrong.

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Well everyone, that’s it for this weeks dribble – ah no, scratch that, this week’s good quality advice. Hey, you get what you pay for. LOL. I know LOL so old school. Next weekend is D23 in Anaheim. Really Disney needs to do more marketing. Anyway it should be fun. LYT and Julia I know are going. I will be here in the salt mines and heat doing appraisal work. We hit 115 this week – lovely. They are saying for the weekend we might get the monsoon rain and thus humidity. Steam bath weekend. Who needs to pay for a fancy dancy sauna when you live in the So Cal desert.

Hope you all like the pic of my new deck. I love , love, love it. The other pic is from my driving around in the desert and finding interesting houses. How about that castle entry? The house sits way back on the acreage, but there are more towers at the house. I love living in a place where we can build what ever we want – such fun.

So as always, be good to each other this next week and Huggs until next week. Keep sending me questions.

Got questions for Martha? On life, love, nerdy nitpickery and anything else? You can either post them below in comments, or email them directly to boydappraisal at yahoo.com. Nothing is off the table, so give it your best inquiry.

About Author

Luke Y. Thompson has been writing professionally about movies and pop-culture since 1999, and has also been an actor in some extremely cheap culty and horror movies you will probably never hear much about (he is nonetheless mostly proud of them, as he met his wife on one). As editor of The Robot's Voice since 2012, he can take the blame for the majority of the site's content, all of which he creates because he loves you very, very much. (Although he loves nachos more. Sorry.) Prior to TRV, Luke wrote for publications that include the New Times LA, Los Angeles CityBeat, E! Online, OC Weekly, Geekweek, GeekChicDaily, The L.A. Times, The Village Voice, LA Weekly, and Nerdist